


Sometimes It Hurts

by captain_k_jones



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 79,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_k_jones/pseuds/captain_k_jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 8 years of marriage, Killian and Emma Jones are in the middle of a very public divorce. Clueless to why Emma is ready to end their marriage, the truth is a greater hardship than Killian could ever imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Here we go with my next multichapter fic. This one has been in the works for awhile and now that I have some of it written I finally feel comfortable enough posting it. I am going to warn you now, prepare your souls for angst and lots of it.
> 
> Thank you to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for looking this over.
> 
> Lastly, I wanted to give a HUGE thank you to o-u-a-timer who has been my biggest supporter when it comes to this fic. Thank you for the endless edits, the plotting, and for helping me work through all of my crazy ideas. This fic would be nothing without you!

_9 years ago._

_This was it. Everything he had been through in his life led to this moment. This single moment. Killian's heart was beating rapidly. His hand lightly tapped the box in the pocket of his jeans as they walked down the length of the beach. He needed to do this now or he would lose his nerve._

_Looking over, he was rendered speechless at the sight before him. Emma walked slightly ahead of him, sandals in her hand. The wind caught her dress in just the right way, lifting it to reveal her shapely legs. The moonlight reflected off of the water giving her blonde tresses an ethereal glow. She was looking toward the water, a small smile graced her pink lips._

_She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Even at the age of nineteen, Killian knew he would love no other like he did her. He had known it from the moment he saw her wandering on campus looking for the right building._

_It warmed his heart when he thought about it. Of all of the schools she could have chosen to go to she chose Storybrooke University in California. Located in a small town of the same name, about six hours north of Los Angeles, Killian had chosen the university because the had a top notch music program. Emma had moved all the way from Boston after she was phased out of the system. She needed a new start she had told him once. Someplace where she could stand on her own. Her past was why she had chosen social work as her major._

_It really was amazing that they had found each other._

" _Killian?" Her voice was light, questioning. It pulled him from his thoughts. "Is everything okay? You stopped walking."_

_He looked down and realized she was indeed correct. His converse-covered feet were firmly planted in the sand._

" _Aye, lass. I was just lost in the view." He reached his hand forward beckoning her to take it._

_She didn't disappoint and he pulled her closer the instant her hand was in his, wrapping his arms around her petite frame._

" _The view, huh?" A teasing smile crossed her lips as she leaned her forehead against his and he knew he had been caught._

" _The most beautiful one in all of the world, Emma." It was the truth, in his heart and his mind._

_Emma threw her head back as laughter escaped her mouth. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard - her laughter. He could spend his life listening to nothing but her laugh. Her hair danced in the wind. It was a glorious sight._

" _You can be such a romantic sometimes, Killian," her seafoam eyes returned to meet his, "but I like it."_

_She did that to him. She brought out his romantic side. It was reserved only for her. Letting his arms falls from her back to her hips, he continued to look into her eyes. One of his hands came up to scratch the place behind his ear, head tilting sideways._

" _Emma, I have a question I'd like to ask you." She nodded her head._

" _You know you can ask me anything." Her hand came up to rest on his stubbled cheek, forcing him to look at her once again._

_His hand moved from his ear to the pocket of his jeans, pulling out the box inside. His other hand moved to grab one of hers in his and he kneeled on one knee in the sand. A look of alarm crossed her features._

" _I have loved you from the moment I saw you lost on campus. I swear to you that if you let me, I will make it my job to protect your heart. Emma Swan, will you marry me?"_

_A gasp escaped her mouth before her free hand came to rest over it. Tears began falling from her eyes._

" _Oh, Killian. Yes. Just...yes." Her voice shook as she spoke._

_Jumping up quickly, Killian placed the small diamond ring on her finger. His arms wrapped around her waist as he picked her up and spun them in a circle. Placing her back on the ground, his lips quickly sought hers out in a tender kiss as his hands ran through her golden hair._

_He had everything he could ever want right there in his arms._

* * *

The car skidded to a halt as Killian slammed on the brakes. Throwing the transmission into park, he yanked the keys out of the ignition while opening the door at the same time. As soon as his converse covered feet hit the pavement of the driveway he was on the move, slamming the car door behind him.

Getting from Los Angeles to Storybrooke had taken far too long. Emma. He needed to find Emma, needed her to explain what the bloody hell was going on. There was no way those damned reporters were right. They couldn't be. It was impossible.

He hit his shoulder as he barrelled through the front door of their house. Their home. They bought it after his first album took off. Looking for months before they finally found it.  _It's perfect, Killian. This is the one. The one we can raise a family in. Our family._

The door hit the wall with a bang, interrupting his thoughts. The house was silent. There wasn't anyone on the main floor. Hearing footsteps from upstairs, Killian turned quickly, taking the steps two at a time. The hallway was dark, only a single light emerged from their bedroom at the end of the hall.

He strode purposely toward the bedroom door, shoving his way inside. The sight before Killian made his eyebrows bunch in confusion, a frown marring his dark features. His heart quickened its pace as he clenched his fists. There were suitcases everywhere: on the floor, on the bed, atop of the dresser. Some filled, some half-filled. Where the bloody hell was Emma?

Stepping further into their room, Killian looked around for his wife. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her in the walk-in closet. Her walk-in closet. Pushing the closet door open quickly, Killian took a moment to observe her.

Her hair was in a ponytail, which was odd because she prefered to wear it down. She was dressed in jeans and a sweater, even though it was approaching midnight. What really struck Killian was her face. It was stained with tear tracks. When she finally looked up to catch him staring, her features hardened.

"Emma. What the buggering fuck is going…" She didn't even give him time to finish, walking right past him to their bedroom. He followed quickly, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

She paid him no attention as she shoved more clothes into one of the suitcases before zipping it up and placing it next to the bed.

Why was she packing? Where was she going? None of this made any sense. Was she leaving? If she was leaving that meant the reporter was right. A pit formed in his stomach. He couldn't think it.

She walked past him back into her closet, a whirl of blonde hair. It was as if he wasn't even there.

He stood there for a moment unsure of what to do. He needed to talk to her, needed to get answers. When she walked back out of the closet Killian reached out grabbing her elbow, forcing her to face him. She stared at him with a blank face and said nothing.

"Emma, stop… please, love. Explain this to me. Di-divorce? They said you filed. Did you?" His voice shook as tears escaped his eyes.

For a moment, concern flashed through her eyes before it was replaced with anger.

"I did." She yanked her arm out of his grasp and moved back toward her suitcases.

Killian sunk to the floor where he was standing, in the middle of the room. It felt like all of the oxygen had been removed from the room at her words. She had filed. This wasn't some hoax that the reporters had made up. This...this was really happening.

"Emma, I…" The words died in his mouth. For once, he had no idea how to respond.

Emma glared in his direction and threw her hands up in the air.

"You know what… I'll, yeah, I'll just come and get the rest of my stuff tomorrow. You'll be needed back in LA by then anyway." He looked up to meet her glare. Her words held a hint of anger.

"Emma, love…" His voice cracked. Hand reaching out toward her. "Talk to me. Please. Don't do this."

For a moment she seemed to hesitate. Her features softened, hand made a move toward him. Then, she shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. Picking up her suitcase, she gave him one last look.

"I'm sorry." Then, she was gone.

He couldn't move. He wanted to follow her, to get her to stay, to beg her to explain. But he couldn't. His legs felt like lead. His thumb twisted the ring on his left hand. His wedding band. His face crumpled as the tears began to fall.

How could this have happened? Why had this happened? He looked at the pictures around the room. Pictures of the two of them. They had been happy. He had everything he could ever want. His career, great friends, and a wife he was madly in love with. Now?

Now, he was alone in this big house surrounded by all of their hopes and dreams.

Finally able to move, he made it to the bedroom window in time to watch her taillights turn into the street. He stood there with one hand pressed against the window as if it were trying to reach out toward her. The other hand reached up to comb through his own hair. There was no explanation, no reason. The pit in his stomach grew larger. What was he supposed to do now?

She was gone and it felt like a part of him went with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you feel up to it.


	2. Chapter 1 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much to my betas the-lady-of-mishaven, zengoalie, and o-u-a-timer. 
> 
> Also, thank you for all of your comments, follows, and favorites...they made my day. A lot of you want to know why Emma left and if there will be a happy ending... I assure you all will be revealed in time. 
> 
> Hold on to your seats because her come a heafty dose of angst from Emma (did I mention that each chapter will change between Killian and Emma's pov?). 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Five years ago_

_Late. It was the story of her life. No matter how much she planned ahead or how early she left, she always seemed to be running late. Sighing to herself, Emma stared out of the bus windows to watch the town pass by. She wished they had a car so she could get herself to where she needed to be on time. Who was she kidding? She would still be late even if they owned a car._

_Luckily, Killian loved her despite her faults. He would understand, he always did. Losing track of time at the library had not been a part of her plan. It was just...she had a huge test in the morning. The final exam for the final class of her college career._

_The bus came to a halt with a sudden jerk causing her to fly forward in her seat, head hitting the back of the chair in front of her. Perfect. As if her day couldn't get any worse._ _Rising quickly, she stumbled out of her seat and yanked her bookbag over her shoulders. Sifting through the bodies and various outstretched limbs of those in front of her, she fought her way towards the exit._

_When the bus doors finally closed behind her, Emma took a moment to breathe in the fresh air. It had been hot on the bus. Combine that with the amount of people riding and it wasn't surprising that the smell had been unpleasant._

_Hoisting her bag further up her shoulder, Emma hustled into the apartment building in front of her. Her lips lifted in a grin. Killian would be waiting. She craved these moments alone with him like her lungs craved air._

_He had been working so hard lately, the whole band had. After finally being signed to a label, The Dashing Rapscallions had thrown themselves into writing and producing their first studio album - aptly titled 'Finding Neverland.' She felt like a proud mama bear watching her boys become the successful musicians she'd always known they could be._

_Which is why she was so annoyed that she was running late. The album was being released tonight. She and Killian wanted to spend a quiet night at home, just husband and wife, and listen for reports about the release. He needed her to be there._

_She nearly dropped her keys in the rush to open the door. Finally shoving her way inside, she was met with only darkness. Where was he? Her bookbag landed in a heap in the corner as she toed off her shoes. Maybe he was already asleep? She hesitated turning the light on in case he was._

_She placed a hand on the wall and used that to guide her. The rest of the very small apartment was just as dark. Once in the living room, Emma turned toward the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks._

_Killian Jones, her husband, was sitting on their kitchen table. He was dressed in his favorite transformers pajama pants. The same ones he had since their freshman year._ These are autobots, Swan. Bloody hell, decepticons are the bad guys.  _Her comment had earned her a weekend marathon of Transformers movies - one she had secretly enjoyed, not that she would ever tell him. His plain white t-shirt clung to his chest in the most delicious of ways. She bit her lip in order to hold back a groan. Only her husband could make Transformers pajama pants sexy._

_His dark hair was disheveled, as it always was. It had that natural windswept look that so many men tried to imitate. Killian's was from running his fingers through it constantly or from her own fingers when the need arose. His eyes met hers and all she could see was excitement and happiness. It made her feel lighter. If someone ever wanted to know what Killian was feeling all they needed to do was look into his eyes. His lips curled into a smile as he caught sight of her._

_In the middle of the table was a single lit candle, its flame giving the room a kind of ethereal glow. A glass of wine sat next to him. Hers was on the other side of the table, the bottle placed in the middle. How the hell did she get so lucky?_

_He was the best thing to have ever happened to her. Somehow, despite all of her attempts otherwise, he had broken through her walls and taken up residence in her heart. It had not been an easy process - for either of them. There had been fights, many of them. But they always came back to each other and they always would._

_She knew in her heart that they were forever._

" _Killian, I am so sorry I'm late. I got caught up studying and lost track of…" He shook his head and placed his hand in the air to stop her rambling. She knew the gesture meant that she was forgiven, not that he was ever angry in the first place._

_Nodding, she gave him a grateful smile as she walked over to meet him. As soon as she was within arm's reach, Killian's hand snaked out and pulled her body to his, lips finding hers. She melted against him, his kisses had a way of doing that to her. One hand curled around the back of his head and buried itself in his hair while the other rested on the hard surface of his chest. All of the tension left her body as she continued to kiss him. She could kiss him for hours honestly. Breaking the kiss, his forehead came to rest on hers._

" _That was quite some welcome." Her voice was hoarse, reflecting the want that simmered on the surface._

" _We're number one."_

_Her world stopped. Did he just say what she thought he did? Biting her lip she lifted her eyes to meet his, finding only amusement there._

" _Wha...What?" She needed him to explain further. It was like her brain needed a minute to catch up._

" _The album. It debuted at number one on the charts today." His eyes contained barely restrained excitement as his lips rose in a satisfied smirk._

" _You're number one? YOU'RE NUMBER ONE?!" It felt like electricity charged the room. Her skin hummed in excitement. He had done it. They had done it! Her heart was beating rapidly. Placing both hands on his face, she gave him a huge smile. "Killian, you did it!"_

" _Aye, lass. We did it and I owe it all to you! Without you, Mrs. Jones, I would be nothing." He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead._

_Warmth rose to her cheeks. He was always doing this, always making her feel like she was the most important thing in the world to him. Even on a day like today, a day where all of his dreams had come true, she was the first thing on his mind._

_Grinning, she placed her lips gently on his. He was most definitely the most important person in her life._

_He always would be._

* * *

 

Jerking the car into an empty space, Emma slammed the transmission into park. Tears tracked down her cheeks landing in tiny droplets on her shirt. Balling her hands into fists, she hit the steering wheel over and over again. Why had he come home? He had been in LA for two weeks. Two freaking weeks. He didn't even call her when she needed him, but he made sure to be home when she didn't want him there.

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest, hand coming to rest over her mouth. Never in all of the years she had known Killian, loved Killian, did she ever think that there would be a moment she didn't want him there. Yet, here she was.

Her body started to shake as her shoulders sagged, a sob escaped her throat. What was she going to do? How was she going to survive this mess? It was going to be hell. The media would make it hell. She could see the headlines now:  _Single at Last: Killian Jones, Lead Singer of The Dashing Rapscallions and People's Sexiest Man Alive, splits from Wife._ or something worse. There wouldn't be a magazine that wasn't covering the story.

She had never been so happy to live in Storybrooke and not LA. At least the media stayed away from here. The residents of the small town had made it perfectly clear that the media was not welcome there. That was why she stayed, why she insisted Killian and her live here. They could lead a normal life, without the constant interference of the media.

Lifting her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks, Emma flipped the visor down to look in the mirror. She wasn't surprised by what she saw. Dull, lifeless, red-rimmed, and swollen green eyes stared back at her. Cheeks stained with tear tracks. The tip of her nose was red from wiping it. Her skin was pale and grayish. Sighing, she pushed the visor back into its place. There was no point in cleaning herself up when she was just going to break down again later.

Pushing the car door open, Emma grabbed the single small suitcase she had brought with her. Not the most ideal situation, but she had to get away from Killian, and his pleading eyes, before she let her heart guide her and stay. After all of this time listening to her heart, it was time to let her head do the talking. Even if doing so meant ripping her own heart out and stomping on it.

Ruby's apartment was the first one on the main floor of the building.  _So similar to the apartment they had lived in before everything had changed._ Hoping her friend was not working her shift at the bar tonight, Emma swiftly knocked on the door. Footsteps sounded from inside and Emma felt some of her tension release. At least this was working out in her favor.

The door opened revealing a very confused Ruby.

"Emma? What are you doing here so late?" Ruby tilted her head slightly to the side. Her lips turned down as her eyebrows bunched together.

"I'm…" It felt like her throat was closing in on itself. Her eyes welled with tears as her heart thumped rapidly. She couldn't to talk about what happened. Her lip quivered as she slowly shook her head. Why did it feel like she would never feel happy again?

"Oh, Emma." Ruby surged forward wrapping Emma in her arms.

The gesture was meant to be comforting, she knew that, but it wasn't. Her body craved another set of arms, ones that were on the other side of town. Ones that belonged to the man she had just walked away from. Sobs wracked through her body and she was helpless to stop them. A feeling of emptiness settled in her chest. Ruby pulled her tighter against her body.

She wanted to run. She wanted to stay. It was like her entire being had been split into two, both halves pulling her in very opposite directions. She could see his eyes as she walked out. His pleading eyes as he reached for her.

_Talk to me. Please. Don't do this._

Legs giving out, she tumbled to the ground bringing Ruby with her. Why was this so hard? Why did she have to care so much? She had never wanted to hurt him. She was so tired, of being alone, of feeling this ache in her chest, of being placed second in her husband's life.

Ruby's hand came up to pat her gently on the head. They rocked back and forth as if Emma were a young child who needed to be comforted.

"It will be okay, Emma. I'm here. I've got you." Ruby's voice in her ear was soft, comforting, but it did nothing to subside Emma's tears.

Nothing was okay and it wouldn't be for a very long time.

* * *

 

Turning on her back, a small sigh escaped as Emma rubbed her eyes. Ruby's couch was definitely not as comfortable as her bed at home, but that wasn't the reason she had gotten so little sleep.

No, all night her thoughts plagued her. Was she doing the right thing? If she was, then why did she miss him so much? Ever since she had closed the door to their home an emptiness had settled in her chest, an emptiness that she couldn't seem to shake.

Something had to change, if it didn't she would wind up hating him. Her gut twisted. No, she didn't want to hate him, she just wanted to be happy. It was breaking her heart to leave him, but it would break her if she stayed. Gently placing her hand over her abdomen, Emma rose off the couch. She didn't feel as bad today, which was a good thing.

Running her fingers through her long locks, Emma turned the corner to see Ruby putting the finishing touches on two plates of pancakes. She had never been so thankful to have a friend like Ruby. Catching Ruby's eye and giving her a small wave, Emma took a seat at the bar. Her plate was in front of her within moments.

"So… are you ready to explain what the hell is going on?" Ruby climbed into the stool next to hers.

Emma slammed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. How should she even start this conversation? Was she even ready to have it? Ruby may have been her best friend, but deep down Ruby believed that true love could conquer all. She was very much like Mary Margaret in that respect.

"I, well, I, um, I left Killian." A fork clanged on a plate. Emma looked everywhere except Ruby.

"You did what?! Emma talk to a girl here. What the hell?"

Turning her head to meet Ruby's, tears pooled in her eyes. Quickly, Emma swiped them away. She was so done with crying. This was her decision. She made it, now she had to live with it.

"Rubes, I love you. I really do, but I can't go into details." She picked up her fork and then put it down again. "I was unhappy. I am unhappy." Her fingers tapped against her legs and she looked down at her plate. "Killian is never home and I know that is because we chose to live in Storybrooke. I just...I guess I never expected it to be like this." She picked up her fork again and pushed the pancake around on the plate. "I just never expected to spend more time away from my husband than I do with him."

Her skin flushed under Ruby's stare and she dropped the fork on the plate again. The tears were back, already falling onto her cheeks. Her arms came up to rest on the bar as she placed her face in her hands. The bar stool squeaked as Ruby stood up, coming to stand right beside her.

"Emma, I'm…" Pounding on the door interrupted Ruby causing them both to whip their heads toward the noise. Ruby's lips turned down in a frown. "Let me get that. I'll be right back."

Emma remained in her stool as the pounding continued. Hearing Ruby answer the door, Emma strained her ears to listen.

"You can't be here." Ruby was whispering. Why would she whisper?

Emma's heart fluttered in her chest. Something was off. It was almost as if Ruby didn't want her to hear what was being said. Standing, she walked closer to the wall separating the kitchen from the entryway. Since the door was on the other side her position allowed her to hear everything clearly.

"Ruby, I need to see her. Please just let me in."

Killian. He was here. Her stomach twisted and, unconsciously, her hand covered it. Her heart began to race. Deep down she knew he would find her. It's not like she had many friends to choose from. She just figured it would have been last night. Why would he wait until the next day?

"Killian, she's not here. I need you to leave." Ruby's voice was firm.

"Dammit Ruby, her car is out front. I know she is here. Let me speak with her." The chain on the door rattled as he pushed to get in.

Panicking, Emma slid down the wall. She couldn't talk to him, not yet.  _Please Ruby. Please just keep him out._  Tears flooded her vision.

"Killian…"

"EMMA! LOVE, I KNOW YOU'RE HERE. PLEASE!" She heard the neighbor's doors open in the hallway.

She shook her head and banged it backwards against the wall. Why wouldn't he just leave. Her face crumpled in anguish.

"Killian…" Ruby tried again.

"EMMA! I AM BEGGING YOU. DON'T DO THIS!..." His fist pounded against the door as he spoke.

"KILLIAN!"

It was quiet. Emma could hear him panting in the hallway.

"Killian," Ruby's voice had returned a normal level, "I understand that this is hard, but you need to leave. I don't want to call the police, but I am sure my neighbors won't care if they have to."

Emma didn't have to see him to know what he was doing. She knew he was running his hands through his hair, shifting from foot to foot weighing his options. He would have no problem going to jail if it were just him to think about, but he was thinking of the band. It would look really bad to have their lead singer in jail for disturbing the peace. He would choose them, he always chose them.

"Just…" his voice was quiet again, "Tell her that I love her. Tell her to call me. Please." His footsteps echoed down the hallway as he left.

Fresh tears began to fall. Dammit, why did she always have to be right? The sound of the door closing caused her to scramble to stand up and wipe at her face. It was no use. Ruby gasped as soon as she saw her.

"Oh Emma…" Ruby's voice trailed off as she held her arms out.

Holding her hand out, Emma shook her head rapidly. She didn't want to be touched, didn't want to be comforted. What she wanted was to forget. She wanted to fast forward her life until a time when the pain was all over. Ruby's arms dropped to hang beside her. Raising her chin, Emma met Ruby's gaze.

"I'm fine. I think I am going to lay down for awhile, if that is okay." Her voice sounded stronger than she felt.

"Sure, um, you can take the guest room. It's better than the couch. You were too upset last night to get you in there." Ruby pointed down the hallway to indicate where she should go.

Nodding her head in thanks, Emma gave her a tight smile before rotating her body to walk down the hallway. She could handle this. She didn't need any help.

Emma Swan didn't need anything from anyone.

* * *

 

Soft voices from the living room drew Emma out of her deep sleep. Turning over, she reached for her cell phone next to the bed. Her body ached as she moved. Squinting so she could see in the darkness of the room, she read the screen.

_8:00 pm_

_10 missed calls from Killian_

_2 new voicemails_

_5 unread messages from Killian_

Tossing the phone on the bed, Emma rubbed her eyes. Eventually, he would get the point that she had no interest in talking to him. Until then she would just ignore his calls and messages. If anything, his actions this morning proved that she had made the right decision. Now, if she could just explain that to her heart everything would be perfect.

Rolling her eyes while shaking her head, she got out of bed. Her body protested at the movement. She felt run down, like she could sleep for a week.  _Well, that's what happens when you decide to leave your husband. Did you really expect things to go smoothly, Emma?_

No, but she definitely did not expect them to go this badly either.

From the hallway, the voices could be heard more clearly. Was that… Emma's eyes widened as she realized who was in the apartment with Ruby. She should have known Ruby would call her the first chance she got. Perfect.

Curling her lips into a large fake smile, Emma entered the living room to meet the concerned eyes of Mary Margaret. The older, if thirty-four could be counted as older, woman jumped up from her seat on the couch to meet Emma half-way. Shooting daggers at Ruby, Emma held her hand up firmly to stop Mary Margaret from embracing her. She still did not want to be touched or comforted for that matter.

"Ruby called while you were sleeping. I came over as soon as I could. David went to your house to check on Killian." Mary Margaret twisted her hands in front of her stomach nervously.

Giving her a tight smile, Emma moved toward the recliner. At least David was checking on Killian. He needed a friend right now and Emma knew David would be a great one.

Mary Margaret and David Nolan were like the parents Emma never had. They had met when Emma began working as a social worker. Mary Margaret was her boss. The two girls had hit it off immediately, becoming fast friends. The first time David had met Killian they had hit it off so well that Mary Margaret used to joke that Emma had competition for Killian's affections. It was comforting knowing that Killian would have someone to help him through the divorce.

"What happened, Emma?" Mary Margaret's voice pulled her from her thoughts. She had returned to her seat next to Ruby.

Emma looked up to the ceiling, running her fingers through her hair. How many times was she going to have to explain this?

"I mean, are you sure this is what you want? Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself." Mary Margaret gave her a sweet, reassuring smile with a slight nod of her head.

Emma shook her head sadly. Give him a chance? As if the last five years hadn't been enough of a chance. As if what she found out last… Her hand lightly covered her stomach. No, he had his chance.

"The time for chances is done, Mary Margaret." Emma lifted her head to meet Mary Margaret's. "I have felt like this for awhile now. For years, if I am honest." Dropping her gaze, she stared at the floor. "Besides, he is never home anyway. Hard to give someone a chance who is never there." She could feel tears forming. Why was this still so hard? It should have been easier explaining herself for the second time, but it wasn't. If anything it was like ripping a band-aid off of a fresh wound.

The room was silent for a moment, causing Emma to look up and meet her friend's scrutiny. They both were wearing almost the exact same expression. Lips turned slightly down, heads cocked slightly to one side, eyebrows bunched.

"Guys, there is nothing to be concerned about. I'm fine. I promise. It's hard, but it's for the best."

Mary Margaret's shoulders sagged in defeat while Ruby shook her head sadly.

"Okay, Emma. How about this? You have some vacation time saved up. Why don't you use some to get your thoughts in order. You know how emotional being a social worker is. You're definitely not going to be any help to the kids in this state." Mary Margaret's voice was flat, like she had been defeated.

Some time off would be nice. She could deal with everything she was feeling. It would give her time to come to terms with what her life was going to become. She really did need some time off anyway. The divorce needed to be finalized. She would have to find a new place to live. Most importantly, she could learn to live her life without Killian anymore. Yes, some time off would be great.

"Actually, Mary Margaret, that sounds like a great idea." Emma's lips curled into her first real smile in days, hell weeks.

"And if you're still not ready to come back...well, you could always work from home for a bit." Emma nodded her head rapidly.

This could work. The tightness in her chest eased ever so slightly. She could take this time off and come back better than ever. She would learn how to be happy again, for the first time in years. As her friends moved on to a new topic, Emma felt a sliver of hope blossom in her chest.

This could definitely work.


	3. Chapter 2 - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A huge thank you to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for looking this part over! As always, this fic is dedicated to o-u-a-timer for being my biggest supporter while writing it! I couldn't do it without you!
> 
> Thank you for every kudo or review! They totally make my day! We are back with Killian for this one, hope you are all ready! As usual, angst ensues...
> 
> Lastly, I have been torn all week on whether or not I should reveal if there will be a happy ending for this fic. The whole reason I started writing this was to explore what could happen to two people, who are still very much in love, but have drifted apart. I am asking you all to hang in there, please. Trust that I know what I am doing. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Five Years Ago_

_Darkness surrounded Killian as he approached the tour bus. Heart pounding in his chest, his body radiated with excitement. There was even a hop in his step. As much as he loved performing for his fans, he was so excited when tonight's show ended. Especially because he knew what was waiting for him once he returned to the bus._

_After the instant success of their first album, Malcolm Pan, the band's manager, insisted they begin their tour right away. The first couple of weeks were the worst. Late nights, getting used to sleeping on a small bunk when he normally slept in a large bed at home with Emma, and learning to navigate through the fans had definitely made the experience interesting._

_What he really hated was that he had to leave Emma behind, at least for the first couple of weeks. She was finishing up the last of her classes before graduation. It had been hell being away from her. They hadn't spent any time apart since they had been married._

_Last night had changed all of that. A smile took over his face as his mind returned to the memory. As always, he waited in the dressing room before the show. Robin, Will, and Smee had left to complete their sound checks. Hearing a knock on the door, he assumed it was one of the crew coming to let him know how much time he had left. Opening the door, he definitely hadn't been prepared for who was standing there._

_Emma. His mouth formed an "O" at the sight. She wore a simple black dress that hit her mid-thigh and her red high top chucks. Her hair contained loose curls that framed her face. He barely allowed her to get a word out before pulling her in the room and kissing her. Needless to say, he considered last night one of his better performances, and tonight, too. A calm had returned to him knowing she was close by._

_Bounding up the steps of the bus, he could see a soft light illuminating from his - their- bunk. The rest of the bus was enveloped in darkness. Running his hand through his still wet hair, he paused to take Emma in as she came into his view._

_She was laying on her stomach, socked feet swinging in the air. Her cloth shorts barely covered her, and seeing her wearing a Dashing Rapscallion shirt was doing unspeakable things to him. Light from the computer screen gave her blonde locks, which were thrown in a messy bun atop of her head, a golden hue. Biting her lip, she vigorously wrote notes on a notebook placed next to her._

_Even like this...no, especially like this, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen._

" _Hey." Too caught up in watching her, he hadn't noticed she'd stopped writing._

" _Evening, love. What has occupied your time tonight?" He moved to take seat next to her, causing her to scoot closer to the wall._

_Rolling her eyes and blowing out a puff of air, she pointed an accusing finger at the computer screen._

" _This online class is killing me. I already have a test tomorrow. I knew my master's program was going to be harder than undergrad, but this is insane. Maybe taking an accelerated program was a bad idea. I've done online classes before, but they are so much harder since the program is only a year." Placing her face in her hands, Emma shook her head back and forth._

_Reaching his hand out, Killian gently shut the computer. Emma jerked her head up at the sound of the computer closing._

" _Killian! I wasn't…" He placed a finger on her lips, halting her words._

" _What I think you need, Mrs. Jones, is a break. Something I am all too happy to provide." Reaching under him, he placed the laptop and notebook in the drawer under the bunk._

_Turning toward Emma, he noticed she had moved so she was laying on her back and her head on the pillow. His heart thumped in his chest at the sight._

" _Oh, really, Mr. Jones. What exactly do you have in mind?" Her voice was soft, full of teasing. A smile took over her features, eyes filled with mirth._

_Oh, he knew exactly what kind of break he wanted. Placing his hands next to her head on the pillow, he positioned his body directly above hers._

" _I think you know, love." Dipping his head down, his lips were centimeters from hers. He could feel her breath on his skin._

" _Well, maybe, I just needed you to show me."_

_The bloody siren winked at him before closing the distance between them. She tasted like cinnamon. Just like that he was lost. All he could see or feel was Emma._

_She was his home and he never wanted to be away from home again._

* * *

 

Going to Ruby's had been a bad idea. He knew that now. One thing that Emma had never responded well to was pressure. If she felt like she was being pressured to do something, particularly something she didn't want to do, she always made sure to do the exact opposite. She didn't want to talk to him, her actions had made that abundantly clear, so pushing her to talk was not going to work. He just didn't know what would work. It was laughable really, the fact that he had no idea how to get his own wife to talk to him.

The bag laying on the passenger's seat was calling his name. Chuckling to himself, Killian shook his head. He normally wasn't a big drinker, but today was as good as any to start. Hopefully, rum would be able to numb him to his problems.

Slowly pulling into the driveway of his home, Killian could see a figure sitting on the front porch. Perfect, the last thing he wanted was to deal with company. Letting out a sigh as he put the car into park and ran a shaky hand through his hair. There was only one person who could be sitting on his porch and his stomach curled at the thought. He really didn't want to deal with David Nolan and his unwavering optimism.

Slamming the car door behind him, Killian made sure to cradle the rum in the crook of his elbow while digging in his pocket for the keys. He should have parked in the garage, then he could've avoided his visitor on the porch. Out of habit, he parked in the driveway. Emma always parked on one side of the garage and his bike was on the other side. Even though he knew she wasn't here, a part of him hoped she would just come home. So, he had left her spot open - just in case.

As soon as his foot hit the wood of the porch steps, David was on his feet to meet him, eyes full of concern. When he opened his mouth to speak, Killian shook his head to stop him. Shoving his key into the door knob, he moved to the side to allow David to walk through. Killian closed the door behind him, moving the rum to his hand.

After David pulled out the stool to sit at the bar, Killian poured rum into two tumblers. Dropping one down in front of his friend, he made his way to the other side of the counter leaning his body on it for support.

"Something I can help you with, Dave?" He used the nickname on purpose knowing how much David hated it. Maybe if he pissed him off enough he would leave.

David's face hardened. "What the hell happened, Jones?"

Killian took a deep breath and let it out. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. His stomach turned as his heart attempted to beat out of his chest. What the hell had happened, indeed. How was he supposed to answer the question when he had no real understanding himself? Tears pricked his eyes. How does someone tell their best friend that the love of their life had picked up and left with no explanation? Shrugging his shoulders, he slowly moved his head back and forth.

"I wish I knew, mate." He brought the rum to his lips and took a sip. "I was in LA writing for the new album and doing publicity for the tour." He slammed the tumbler down on the counter so hard a splash of rum spilled out. "One of the interviewers asked why we were getting a divorce." His hands curled into fists turning his knuckles white. "A sodding interviewer told me I was getting a bloody divorce." He uncurled his fists and grabbed tumbler. "By the time I made it home, she was packing. Took her all of five bloody minutes to leave after I arrived home." He downed the rest of the rum and refilled it.

"Mary Margaret is with her now. She told me you went to Ruby's this morning and it went...well, badly." David tilted his head to the side and gave him a sympathetic frown.

Badly was one was to describe it, horrible was another, even better was fucking disaster. He had just wanted to see her. He needed an explanation. If he knew why she was doing this, then he could figure out how to fix it. He wanted nothing more than to fix it.

He looked over to the refrigerator, noticing the calendar with a red circle around the date two days from now. He only had two days before he left for tour. If he could fix this before then, he could leave for tour and things could go back to normal.

"You know how Emma is… back her into a corner and she is going to lash out. She wouldn't even see me." He finished the rum in his tumbler and poured another.

"Maybe you should try harder." David drummed his fingers on the counter before lifting his wary eyes to meet Killian's. His lips were tightened in a straight line. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. So was the edge in David's voice.

"What would you have me do, David? Break down Ruby's door? Stalk her until she talks to me? I can only do so much. She has to make the decision to listen to what I have to say. To make matters worse, I don't even know why she left. How do I fix something when I don't even know what it wrong?" Killian filled his tumbler up again.

How many was this? Three? Maybe, four? His body started to feel warm as the tension evaporated. Rum had been a great idea, the best idea. It was the first time in the last twenty-four hours he had felt remotely normal.

David stood and walked to where Killian was standing. Grabbing the tumbler out of his hand, David placed it on the countertop before handing Killian his phone.

"I don't know, but you need to do something and fast. Before you lose her forever." Patting him on the shoulder, David walked out of the room.

Seconds later, Killian heard the door open and close. David's words swirled in his head. Lose her forever? That was already happening. It can't get any worse than divorce.

Killian looked out into the living room, taking in all of the pictures around the room. Abandoning the glass, he took a swig directly from the bottle as he walked to stand in front of the mantle. Their wedding photo sat in the middle.

They had been so happy then, so ready for their life together. Raising his hand, Killian brushed his thumb over Emma's face. His heart ached for her. He had been so busy with his career lately that he hadn't seen her for almost two weeks. He'd been looking forward to having these two days off with her before the tour started. He hoped to convince her to come with him for a couple of weeks.

Now, he didn't know what was happening. His life was spiraling out of control and normally Emma was the one person who could right it.

Taking another gulp, Killian fell backwards into the couch arms flailing so badly he spilled rum on one of the cushions. His eyes fell closed as he sunk in.

His last thought before sleep took over were of Emma. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes twinkled when she was happy.

He wondered if he would ever get to see those things again.

* * *

 

Feeling dampness on his leg, Killian jerked awake. A look of confusion crossed over his features. Why were his pants wet? His eyes trailed down to the tumbler laying on the couch cushions. It had fallen over, creating a puddle leading to his leg. He must have fallen asleep with the tumbler in his hands.

Rising quickly, he stumbled around in the darkness until he made it to the kitchen. His hand curled around the handle of the drawer containing the kitchen towels before he jerked it open. Emma was going to be so pis…

He stopped moving, body straightening and becoming stiff as if someone electrocuted him.  _Emma_. His hand tightened around the towel he held. The last twenty-four hours flashed through his head. Her leaving. How he tried to talk to her at Ruby's. The liquor store. David. With his heart pounding in his chest, he slammed the drawer shut and stalked back over to the couch.

What was she doing now? Was she okay? Did she miss him as much as he was missing her? Why was she doing this? That was the one question that he really wanted an answer for.  _Why?_ Nothing made sense to him anymore. If she would just talk to him, then he could fix whatever the issue was.

Getting down on his knees, he vigorously began to scrub the spot. It was no use, even after cleaning the spill he could still see where it had been. Sighing, he rubbed his hand over his face and then threw the towel on the couch.

Bloody hell, on top of everything else he was likely going to have to buy a new couch. Emma would be  _so_  pleased when she came back home. She hadn't even been gone for twenty-four hours. What a mess.

AC/DC's  _Back in Black_  filled the room and Killian fumbled to get his iPhone out of his pocket. His face fell when he noticed the name on the screen. Sighing, he swiped his finger to activate the call.

"Malcolm, was there something you needed? I'm a little busy right now." Grabbing the towel, he walked to the kitchen and threw it on the countertop.

"Killian. Always lovely to talk to you, too." Killian rolled his eyes, but said nothing which allowed Malcolm to continue, "I heard the news, social media is in an uproar. Internet searches for you and the band have quadrupled."

Of course they had. He couldn't go anywhere in LA without someone trying to snap a picture of him. It was one of the reason Emma insisted that they live in Storybrooke. A small town where everyone minded their business and they could live a normal life. It was perfect, until it wasn't.

His hand lifted to scratch the spot behind his ear, eyes landing on the calendar again. He had two days until he left. Emma wouldn't even answer any of his calls. That wasn't likely to change in two days. No, he needed more time.

"Look, Malcolm… I need some time."

Killian waited with baited breath. In all of the years he had been in the band, he never - not even once - asked for any time off. His wife was leaving him and he had no idea why. Maybe if he had a few more days, he could figure it out.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you right. You need time? As in time off?" There was a hint of amusement in Malcolm's voice.

"I know this is a bad time, mate, but I need to figure out what is going on with Emma. I need to fix this. If we could just…"

"The answer is no, Killian," Malcolm interrupted. "No. You leave in two days for the tour. Your first show is in three. There is no way in hell we are postponing that show. Think of the fans you'll disappoint. The ones who have paid good money to see you perform live. How do we explain to them that you are not 'up' to being on tour right now?"

Killian pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Malcolm was right. The fans were what kept the band alive. Without them, he would be no where. He owed them everything.

"You're right. I'll… I'll just figure it out." He ran his hand through his hair.

"See you in two days, Killian." The line went silent.

Killian stared at the phone in his hands. Without thinking, he pressed her name in his list of contacts. After one ring, it went to voicemail. His heart clenched at the sound of her voice. Bloody hell, he missed her voice. Hearing the beep, Killian took a deep breath before speaking.

_Love...its me, uh Killian. I know I've called you quite a lot today, but I really need to talk to you, Emma. Whatever is going on, I know we can fix it. Please, Emma, just please call me. I leave for the tour in two days. We could get lunch at Granny's tomorrow and talk. I would love to see you, lass. I miss you. Just call me, okay?_

Ending the call, Killian shoved his phone back in his pocket. Frustrated, he pressed his fingers into his eyes and furiously swiped the tears that had formed. She would call. He had to hold onto that hope. She would call and they would figure this out together.

A pit formed in his stomach. For the longest time he had everything he ever wanted, but with Emma gone none of it really mattered. Without her, his life didn't seem so wonderful.

* * *

 

Killian's thumb angrily pressed the red end call button on his phone. How many times was he going to do this? Someone -Emma- once told him that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If that was the case, then he was definitely on his way there.

In the past day and a half, he called Emma multiple times. Each time it went to voicemail, each time he left a message. He had yet to receive a call back. His hand tightened around the phone. He was leaving tomorrow. Getting on a plane to fly to the first show. Time was up.

Why wouldn't she call him? The least she could do was give him an explanation. Then, at least, he could understand why all of this was happening. But, she wouldn't even give him that. Since the moment she had walked out of the door, she severed all contact with him. Bloody hell, he had even tried to email her. Still nothing.

His left thumb played with his wedding ring absentmindedly. Twirling it around his finger. Did she still wear hers or had she taken it off? His heart thumped rapidly at the thought of her taking it off. His hand curling into a fist. Surely, she knew he didn't want this. He wanted anything but this.

He was willing to prove that to her, too, if she would just give him a chance.

Shifting on the bed in the guestroom, he hadn't been able to sleep in his bed without Emma, he looked at the clock. Midnight. He had to be up in four hours to catch the plane. Shaking his head, he dialed Emma again.

_Hey! It's Emma. I'm sorry…_

The phone hit the wall with a crash, the force shattering it. Placing his head in his hands, Killian's body began to shake.

What was the point? She obviously wanted nothing to do with him. In the eight years they had been married, she had never once shut him out completely. Sure, there had been arguments. Some had even been bad. So bad that he ended up staying with David and Mary Margaret for the night. But, she had always been willing to talk the next day. She always had answered his calls and texts.

Throwing himself on the bed, his head hit the pillow as his arm came to rest over his eyes. His thumb continued to twirl his wedding band.

He can't miss the tour and upset the fans. Even with all of this going on. He had obligations, Emma must understand that. Maybe it would be better if he left. They could spend some time apart to think about what they really wanted.

Besides, what was the point of staying if she wasn't going to talk to him anyway. He could not be talked to while on the road.

Reaching over, he set the alarm on the clock next to the bed for three hours from now. That was when the limo was picking him up. Forcing his eyes closed, Killian hoped sleep would come quickly.

He didn't want to spend one more minute in this big house without Emma. Without her, it wasn't home… it was just a house.


	4. Chapter 3 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always huge thanks to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for looking this over. Again, this fic is dedicated to the every lovely o-u-a-timer who is my partner in crime while writing this thing!
> 
> We are back with Emma, folks and according to the three lovely ladies above... this one is going to hurt (but really haven't they all?!). Again, hang in there I promise you everything will be revealed in time. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the kudos and reviews... they make my day!

_Five Years Ago._

_She couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. Emma Jones was happy, truly happy. The last three weeks had been wonderful, a dream really. Since surprising Killian before one of his shows, they had been able to spend every moment together. Even when he was performing, she would sit at the side of the stage and watch. Between songs, Killian would often come over just to give her a kiss. It was perfect._

_Even now as they walked hand in hand toward Any Given Sundae, a small ice cream parlor in downtown LA, it was as if nothing could penetrate the bubble of happiness around them. Leaning her head onto Killian's shoulder, Emma giggled as he tightened his hold on her. Life should always be like this._

_They were spending the next two days in LA before continuing on to the next tour date in Nevada. Taking her summer grad school classes online definitely had its advantages, like being able to join Killian on the rest of the tour. Her boys were finally getting the big break that they deserved. It was only fitting that she was there to root them on for their first tour._

" _Hey! Killian! Killian Jones! Can we get a picture Killian?"_

_The frantic and excited voice to the left of them seemed tempted to burst through the bubble they were in._ _Jerking her head toward the voice, she felt Killian tense next to her. A man was crossing the street in an attempt to get closer to them. He dressed casually and held a large camera in his hand._

" _Fuck. Paparazzi." Killian's words were harsh as he pulled her closer to his body._

_Emma's heart dropped as she looked at the approaching photographer._

" _There goes our nice quiet evening, huh?" She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice and failed._ _She looked back up at him just in time to see him staring at her._

" _Sorry, love." A frown crossed his features as he ran his hand through his hair._

_They should have known better, planned for this. They were in LA, not Storybrooke. Even though this was a normal occurrence for Killian, she was not used to dealing with paparazzi._

_In fact, they had hoped to avoid this. It was important to her, and Killian, that she stay out of the spotlight as much as possible. She wanted to lead as much of a normal life as she could. This was Killian's dream, not hers._

" _Killian! Who is the woman with you? Is that your wife?" Another voice came from behind them._

" _Bloody hell! Another one?" His eyes widened in disbelief._

_Turning her head quickly, Emma peeked over Killian's shoulder to see another man with a camera running to catch up to them. Killian hadn't even had time to address the first photographer._

" _Are you his wife? Hey! Are you Emma Jones?" A new totally different voice asked._

_Her head was spinning. The pounding in her chest intensified. The entire situation was shocking. Photographers were coming from every direction. Before she knew what was happening six different men surrounded her and Killian. She wanted to run into the nearest building and hide. Seriously, they were just out for a walk, didn't they get enough interviews and photos from the press for the tour? This was supposed to be time for just her and Killian._

_Instinctively, Killian pulled her into his chest and shielded her face from them. One hand cradled her head while the other wrapped around her waist. His body was shaking almost as bad as hers. He kissed her head before leaning down to place his lips next to her ear._

" _It's okay, love. I'm here. You don't have to speak to them. I'll handle it. Just keep your face hidden in my chest." His voice was soothing, meaning to calm her. She immediately felt her body relax._

_Nodding her head in response, Emma took a deep breath. She could feel the photographers staring at her. Their cameras flashing every several seconds as they took pictures of the two of them. She really hoped they hadn't been able to snap any that included her face. She cursed herself for not thinking to wear large sunglasses and hat and for not having Killian do the same._

_Taking his hand off of her head, Killian raised his arm and signaled for them to stop taking photos. Shock flooded her system when they actually complied. His other arm was still wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her in place. Slowly, her comfort level rose._

" _Please, gentlemen. I promise to answer your questions, but I need you to leave my wife out of this. If you can work with that, I can work with you."_

_He sounded so calm, so sincere. It dawned on her that he was made for this, made for a life in the spotlight. Her heart swelled. She shifted her head to look at his face and found a huge grin there. She knew that grin. It was the one he used when he was trying to be charming, when he was trying to get his way._

" _Yes, this is my wife. We are just out to get some ice cream." She could hear the tenderness in his voice when he referred to her._

" _How is the tour going?" one of the men asked._

" _Great! I love being on tour and interacting with the fans. It's like a dream come true." He was still holding her firmly to his chest._

" _What's your favorite song to play live?"_

_For the next several minutes, Emma listened as Killian answered a parade of questions. Eventually, he had each one of the paparazzi laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves. She was amazed. He was definitely a natural._

" _Would you mind giving us a picture, Killian? Maybe one with the wife?" Emma's heart sped up again._

_Would it really hurt to give them one photo with the two of them in it? Maybe then they would leave them to the rest of their evening. It was a sacrifice she was willing to make._

_Killian pulled her away from him to look her in the eyes. Once she met his gaze, she could see his eyes were full of concern. She knew, just by looking at him, that he was willing to turn them down if she was uncomfortable. That made her decision a little easier._

" _Sure, but um, just one. Okay?" Her voice sounded more confident than she felt. Her hands were shaking again._

_Killian's face lit up like she had just told him they could have a Transformers movie marathon. She couldn't stop herself from smiling in return. Releasing her from his hold, he allowed her to turn to face the cameras. His arm curled around her shoulders as her head leaned on his._

" _You heard the lass. One photo, gentlemen, and I ask that if you ever see her walking alone you leave her be. Sound fair?"_

_They all nodded in response and Emma felt herself relax again. Killian had charmed them, they were practically putty in his hands._

_They each took a quick photo. After, Killian shook each of their hands and posed for some individual shots. When they left, they highfived each other while walking down the street._

_Killian turned and pulled her into his arms. Their lips met in a quick kiss that made her heart flutter. It was nice to be just the two of them again._

_Pulling away he rested his forehead on hers and let out a relieved sigh. "That went better than I thought it would have."_

_He was right. Of course he was. This was just something she had to get used to. Just another part of being in love with Killian. As long as he was by her side, she was willing to make little sacrifices here and there._

* * *

 

Her phone was mocking her. At least, that is what it felt like. Her eyes had been drawn to it all morning. Everytime she passed the damn thing it was like it was calling out to her. She tried everything to keep from picking it up. She cleaned, did laundry, picked up around the apartment, she even organized the pantry. Now, she had nothing left to do and no reason not to do what she had been avoiding for days. She glared at her phone. It was definitely mocking her.

After the first night at Ruby's, she decided to turn it off. Killian had called her non-stop. He didn't seem to understand that if she wanted to talk to him she would have answered one of his first ten calls. Turning the phone off was easier than pressing ignore every thirty seconds.

Sighing, Emma used one hand to push herself off of her bed, while the other came to rest absently over her stomach. She walked across the room and picked up her phone. Killian had left days ago to start touring. That was how much he had always valued her place in his life. They had no problem cancelling and rescheduling almost a week's worth of shows last summer when Smee had came down with the flu, but when his marriage was ending...he still left. Hopefully, him being on tour also meant he was too busy to call and it was safe to turn her phone on again. She pressed the power button and waited.

She was alone in the apartment. Ruby had left to run some errands hours ago. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to listen to the voicemails that she was sure were on her phone.

Her stomach twisted violently when the screen came to life. Fifteen voicemails. Forty-five missed calls. Twenty unread text messages. All from Killian. She swiped the screen and pulled up her visual voicemail list. The most recent voicemail came in last night. She shook her head sadly and pressed one from the day after she left.

_Love...it's me, uh Killian. I know I've called you quite a lot today…._

Pressing pause on the voicemail, Emma clenched her phone to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. She wasn't ready. Not for this. She expected him to be upset, pissed even. He had the right to be, after all. He wasn't either of those things.

The phone fell out of her hands. No, he wasn't pissed. He sounded...broken. His voice was dull, monotone, desperate even. So unlike the person she had fallen in love with. Hearing it caused pain to explode in her chest.

Killian was always so full of life, of laughter. His smile could light up a room. He was always the life of the party. The person on that voicemail couldn't have been the same person. It was impossible.

Her heart was pounding as her breathing quickened. It hit her like a ton of bricks. This was her fault. She did this to him. A choked sob escaped as her legs gave out and she fell to the floor.

Her heart ached. She pictured his laugh. Remembered his smile. She missed him, so so much. She missed just simply being  _with_ him _._ Missed the way he always seemed to know how to make her feel better, the way he would wrap her in his arms when she was upset. At least, that's what he would do when he actually made time for her, for them. She wished his arms were around her now, wished that things were different.

Her face contorted in anguish, arms falling listlessly to her sides. He had still left. He still went on tour, knowing everything was going on. Nothing had changed. He hadn't changed. He was still choosing his band over her, over their relationship,  _and_  he was still oblivious that it was even an issue between them. She was still here, alone. Like she always was.

Frustrated, Emma wiped the tears from her eyes furiously. It didn't matter if she missed him. Not when he clearly hadn't missed her all of the previous times he was away on tour. Unknowingly, her hand moved to rest over her stomach. She couldn't live this way anymore, especially now. If that meant she had to learn to live without him...well then, she had no other choice.

Slowly, she reached a hand out and grasped her phone. She couldn't listen to the rest of the messages. They were too painful. She might be ready to leave him, but she still loved him. She would always love him. She was just tired of being the only one to put their relationship first, of being the only one who seemed to care that they had been drifting apart.

With shaking fingers, she deleted the messages one by one. She knew there would be more. She'd just delete those as they came into.

Eventually, he would have to stop calling.

* * *

 

Emma slightly tilted her head and stared out of the car window as Mary Margaret continued driving up the driveway to her house, or rather Killian's house now. It felt odd being back here. She marveled at the fact that the house looked exactly the same as when she left. It was almost like nothing had happened, like she hadn't walked out on her husband a week and a half ago.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Emma?" Turning her head toward her friend, Emma gave her a sad smile. Honestly, she didn't think she would ever be ready for this. Mary Margaret reached across the center console and embraced Emma's hand reassuringly. Emma looked down to stare at their hands and resisted the urge to pull her own away. She was just trying to help, even if Emma didn't want her comfort.

"No time like the present, right?" Her words were barely loud enough for Mary Margaret to hear.

"Hey." Mary Margaret squeezed her hand again. "He's only been touring for a couple of days. We have time to wait if this is too much."

Emma glanced at the house in front of her before turning her head to meet Mary Margaret's comforting eyes. This wasn't the first time Emma was thankful to have such supportive friends.

"It's fine, Mary Margaret. Let's just get this done with." Removing her hand from Mary Margaret's hold, Emma pressed it against the car door and pushed it open.

For a moment, all Emma could do was stand by the car and stare. Who was she kidding? She was nowhere near ready to do this. She wanted to get back in the car, go back to the apartment, and hide in her bedroom. She also knew if she didn't do this now, she would continue to put it off.  _Time to put on a brave face, Emma._

Opening the door to the house, Emma's eyes widened in shock by the sight that lay in front of her. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest as her stomach twisted in agony. Slamming her eyes shut, her face crumpled in anguish. Her mouth dropped and she was stunned into silence. The outside of the house may have looked the same, but the inside looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Forcing her eyes open Emma placed her hand on the wall to hold herself up, behind her she heard Mary Margaret gasp.

Empty liquor bottles littered the floor. Every photo of her and Killian had been turned down. The glass coffee table was shattered. Her heart shattered in her chest. This… this was not at all what she expected to find. She heard his desperation when she attempted to listen to his voicemails. She knew that he was upset, knew that he was hurt. It felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped over her head. Looking around the room, she could  _feel_  his pain.

"Emma, maybe it would be better if I just took you home. David and I can come back and get your stuff and clean up a bit." Mary Margaret put her hand on Emma's shoulder to get her attention.

Shrugging Mary Margaret's hand off her shoulder, Emma ignored her question and walked further into the room. With every step, her heart broke a little more. Before she knew what happened tears escaped her eyes.  _Oh, Killian, I'm so so sorry._ She couldn't stop the thought from forming. She never meant to hurt him.

"Mary Margaret?" Her voice trembled as she tried to speak. Mary Margaret was next to her in seconds. "Can... can you start picking up down here? I think… I think I'm going to go get some of my stuff upstairs."

She needed to get out of this room before she broke down. Not even waiting to her friend's response, Emma turned and took the steps two at a time. Rounding the corner, she threw her back up against the wall. Surprisingly, Killian's destruction did not continue into the hallway. Her hands covered her quivering face as she bit her lip to keep the sobs from escaping.

Why was this still so hard? Why couldn't Killian just… She shook her head. Killian had been blind to their issues for far too long. She couldn't be the only one to fix their problems. Marriage was a partnership and theirs hadn't been for a long time. This had been her decision and now she had to deal with the fallout, even if it shattered her.

Resolved, Emma pushed herself off the wall, pressed her hands to her eyes to stop her tears, and made her way to their bedroom. Her suitcases still lie open, half full. The bed looked as if it hadn't been slept in. In fact, she knew it hadn't. Killian couldn't make a bed to save his life and the bed was made perfectly. Her heart thumped loudly. Where had he been sleeping?

Slowly, she walked into her closet. A small white box caught her attention immediately. Her wedding album. That was coming with her. Rising up on her toes, one hand reached for the album while the other protected her swollen stomach. Once the box was in her hand, Emma clenched it to her chest and walked back into the bedroom.

Opening the box, Emma pulled out the top photo. Her lips curled into a smile as more tears pricked her eyes. In the photo, she held Killian at arms length while he tried to smash a piece of their wedding cake in her face. Both their heads were thrown back in laughter. She ran her thumb over Killian's face. He had succeeded in getting the cake in her face, her hair, and her neck. It was worth it though, when he took her to the bathroom and proceeded to remove it all...with his mouth.

The next photo was of their first dance. Killian's arms wrapped around her waist and her rested on his chest. They both wore huge grins, eyes only for each other. They had been so happy. The photo blurred as tears flooded her vision.

She would give anything to go back to that day, to that happiness. Back to when she was confident in their love, when she knew she was the most important person in his life. Because he was the most important person in her life.

They had such plans for their life and now none of them mattered. She knew he wanted children, he always told her he wanted a large family. Both hands came to rest on her stomach. Well, none of that mattered now.

Replacing the lid on the box, Emma shoved it away. Her trembling fingers gripped the wedding ring on her left hand. Slowly she pulled it off and placed it on the floor next to the box with a heartbroken sob. Her body had finally reached its limit. Falling over to the floor, she curled her body around itself. There, alone on the floor of the bedroom they used to share, she grieved for all that she had lost.

* * *

 

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, a smile formed on Emma's face. For the first time since leaving her and Killian's house a week ago, she felt like everything was going to work out for the best. Slamming the car door shut behind her, Emma quickly grabbed her hair and threw it in a ponytail. That felt better, too bad she hadn't thought to bring a change of clothes. Her black heels and dress were way too dressed up for a quick dinner at Granny's, but had been very appropriate for her meeting with the divorce lawyer.

After her meeting, it looked like they were all set to proceed with the divorce. Her lawyer had suggested they email the papers to Killian while on tour, but Emma refused. She could wait until he was finished and back ho- in Storybrooke. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin the tour more than she'd already had.

Her stomach grumbled as she approached the building. She hadn't eaten since yesterday and she could smell Granny's grilled cheese and onion rings, her favorite. Her hand was halfway to the door handle when a voice interrupted her.

"Mrs. Jones, can I have a moment of your time?" Her hand dropped back to her side as she pivoted to stare at the source of the voice, face twisting in confusion.

Who was this man and why did he want to talk to her? He wasn't dressed any different from the rest of the people in Storybrooke, but she was positive she had never seen him before.

"Sorry to interrupt you on your way to dinner. I'm a reporter for US Weekly…" No longer listening to what the man was saying, her heart pounded frantically in her chest.

"Fuck." The word escaped her mouth before she had time to stop it, causing the man to stop his speech and focus on her.

She stared at him with wide eyes. Her palms began to sweat. What the fuck was he doing here? Why would he come all the way from LA? Reporters never came to Storybrooke.

"What...what are you going here?" Her voice shook as she spoke.

"I was wondering if you could answer some questions about the divorce..." She held her hand up to stop him from going further.

"How dare you. This is none of your damned business." Her body trembled in anger. This was between her and Killian, not her, Killian, and the entire world. This was their private life and she didn't want or need it paraded on some magazine for everyone to see.

On top of that, they knew that Killian handled the interviews. It had been that way from the very beginning. Since the band had made it big, she had not done a single interview. Why would that change now?

Without another word, Emma breezed past the interviewer toward her car. She couldn't stay here another second. She would just have to text Ruby and let her know why she had to leave once she got in the car. Her heart dropped when she heard the footsteps behind her. Her eyes widened in disbelief. He was following her.

Pulling her keys from her purse, Emma unlocked the car and scrambled inside, slamming the door shut behind her. As soon as the door shut, she locked the car and put the transmission in reverse. Looking the the rear view mirror, Emma let out a gasp. He was standing behind her car so she couldn't leave.

Tears fell from her eyes in frustration. She just wanted to go home. Why wouldn't this guy leave her be? Killian has made it perfectly clear that he was the famous one, not her. There was a reason they lived in Storybrooke, a reason she held a normal job. Curling her hands into fists, she slammed them against the steering wheel. At the same time a flash went off next to her car.

Her features crumpled. The bastard had taken a picture. She knew that it would end up on the front page of US Weekly's next issue. When the next flash went off again, Emma realized where the interviewer was standing. He was no longer behind her car, but next to it.

Wasting no time, Emma moved her foot from the break and floored the gas. Seconds later, she pulled out of the parking lot of Granny's and onto the main road.

* * *

 

It took Emma only minutes to get home, speeding the way she was. Still sitting in the car, she didn't even allow herself a moment to think before she picked up her phone and and dialed Killian. Her breathing was quick and she could hear it as she waited for him to answer.

"Emma?!" His voice was like ice to the fire raging in her body. Her eyes widened and for a moment she forgot to breathe.

"Love, are you there?" He sounded desperate, her heart sank in her chest. Why did she call him? She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to hear his voice, to hear how much pain he was in. Her face crumpled in heartache. She wanted to hang up, to pretend she had never called him. She pulled the phone away from her ear and held it in front of her. Her thumb hovered over the 'end call' button, but she couldn't press it. Tears fell from her eyes. She missed him so much. A sob escaped from her and at the same time she heard Killian gasp. She knew there was no turning back now.

"Emma, I can hear you crying. Please. Talk to me." His voice drew her attention back to the phone, heart breaking at how despondent he sounded. She couldn't believe the amount of sadness in his voice. Had her leaving really affected him this much? For the last several years he'd barely batted an eyelash when he was away for weeks at a time, when he would go days without returning her calls, but now that she was leaving for good he decided to care. Why now? Why not all those times she'd told him she'd missed him, that she wished he was home more. He decided to care when it was already too late. He didn't even sound like the man she loved.

She hated what all of this was doing to him, hated that he was hurting. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him that no matter what he was feeling now he would be okay in the end. She wished he were here so she could wrap her arms around him, in the same way he always did for her.

Turning her head, she stared out of the window. The truth of the matter was that he wasn't here. She didn't even know where he was at the moment, but she knew it wasn't here where he should be. That thought alone reminded her of why she called. Once again his absence in their life was working out to  _his_ advantage and she was left to pick up the pieces. She was the one getting chased down by reporters, getting attacked when she was out for dinner. While he was out traveling across the country, it was her life being interrupted. She angrily wiped the tears from her eyes. The reporters were there because of his career, not hers. He needed to take care of them, not her.

"Tell them to leave me alone. I couldn't even go out to dinner without one of them waiting. I don't care what you have to do, fix it." Her voice was strong, deliberate. She was done dealing with these people, living this life. She had done it for five years and most of the time she had done it alone. He wanted so badly to be in a band, then he could fix the problems that came with being in one.

For a moment, the line was silent. She knew he was still there. He wasn't the only one who could hear breathing.

"I'm…" She wasn't interested in hearing his excuses or his apologies.

"No, Killian. I don't want your apologies. Fix it, it's  _your_ problem." Her hand curled into a fist as her face flushed with anger.

"Please. I don't understand…" His voice cracked as she began to speak.

"Stop Killian, just fix..."

"Love," He interrupted before she finished. "If we could just talk…"

"Killian, just stop." Her heart pounded in her chest. Why wouldn't he just listen to what she was saying. She didn't want to talk to him. She wanted him to talk to the media.

" _Emma_ , but, please… can we just."

She attempted to hold onto her anger as her name fell from his lips. "No, Killian… fix the problem…" Her voice was rising, along with her anger levels, as she tried to talk over him and ignore his pleas. "This is your fault." Being angry at him meant that she wasn't crying. She was so tired of crying.

Killian was silent after she raised her voice.  _Good. Maybe he got the message._ A moment passed before she heard a sob over the line. All of the anger fled her body in an instant. He was crying. She had made him cry. Her eyes slowly shut. Her hand covered her mouth as her heart shattered. After what felt like hours, but was merely seconds, his dejected voice came over the phone.

"Alright. I'll talk to Malcolm."

His words should have made her feel better, but they didn't. All they did was remind her that he had given up, that she made him give up. She had taken the strongest person she had ever known and tore him down. He was crying for god sake.

"Emma?" Her name on his lips was like a beacon in the fog. It brought her out of her thoughts and back to him. "Why are you doing this?"

His voice was small, like a confused child's. Unconsciously, her hand came to rest in its place over her stomach as she shook her head. Why? There were so many reasons why, so many things that had went wrong. It was her, it was him, it was  _them_. How had he not seen that they were broken long before now? How had he not seen that  _she_  was broken? Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. She couldn't do this right now, couldn't do this ever.

"Killian, I can't right now…" Her voice trailed off.

"How about next weekend? I will be home for a day or so in between shows. We could talk then." He sounded so eager, so desperate.

Her hand tightened around the phone as she inhaled sharply. A part of her wanted to meet with him. She still loved him, she would always love him. She shook her head. She knew if she saw him her resolve would break. She would go running back into his arms and nothing would change. Killian would still be oblivious to all of their problems. Going back to him meant going back to that life, back to being forgotten and left behind. He hadn't been famous when they married, so she hadn't been prepared for all of the demands his career would put on him, on them. For so long she had felt like she didn't matter to him and if she had to feel that again, she would be broken beyond repair.

"Killian, I...I can't. Just talk to the reporters. Please." She hung up the phone before she could hear his reply.

The phone fell from her hands into her lap. A broken wail escaped her. Leaning forward, she braced her forehead against the steering wheel as the sobs racked through her.

She just wanted to be happy again.


	5. Chapter 4 - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a huge thank you to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for looking this over and to o-u-a-timer for being my right hand while writing this!
> 
> I am not sure if this one will make you sad or angry, or possibly both, but hang in there! Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews...they make my day!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its chatacters.

_Three Years Ago._

_Killian set his suitcases on the wooden floor in front of the stairs and let out a sigh. That was the last of it. He was all packed and ready to go for this third summer tour. He wanted to be excited, he really did. He had dreamt of being a real musician since he was a young lad in England. Here he was, two years after his big break, and The Dashing Rapscallions were still on top of the world. He knew that once he got on the road it would be easier, he'd back into the swing of things. It was just… this time he would be leaving his entire world behind._

_After two years of hard work and dedication, Emma had graduated with her masters in Social Work. His heart swelled with pride as he remembered watching her cross that stage to receive her degree. He'd almost missed seeing it, too. He'd lost track of time in the recording studio and he barely made it to UC Storybrooke to watch her walk across the stage. Almost immediately after she graduated, she was offered, and accepted, a position within the very city they lived in. His girl would be working with children who were in similar situations as she had grown up in._

_His head shook in exasperation. He was the famous one with millions of fans all over the world, but Emma was more deserving of them. She was the real hero of the two of them. Lives were changed because of her and he was honored to call her his wife. Which is why the next three months were going to suck._

_Running his hand through his hair, Killian's eyes scanned the room until they landed on Emma, wrapped in a blanket while sitting on the couch. In her hands, she held a cup of her favorite drink - hot chocolate with cinnamon. Her green eyes stared blankly out the large window into their back yard. Her sun-kissed cheeks were tear-stained. His heart clenched in his chest. She hadn't been looking forward to today either._

_Joining her on the couch, Killian gently took the hot chocolate out of her hand and placed it on the coffee table. The action caused her eyes to meet his and when they did, he inhaled sharply. Pain reflected back at him. His lips turned down in a frown as he lifted a finger to lightly wipe a tear from one of her eyes._

" _Love, come here." He held his arms open and she wasted no time launching herself into them and burying herself in his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed her further into him. He loved the simplicity of simply holding her in his arms. His stomach twisted when he remembered it would be weeks before he was home to do this again._

" _I'm going to miss you so much." Her words were muffled into his shirt._

_Warmth spread through his chest. God, he loved this woman. Loved everything about her. He was going to miss her unbearably, as well. For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to ask her to quit her job and to come on tour with him, but he couldn't. She had dreams, too, and she was entitled to live out those dreams. Just as he was with his. Besides, it was only three months, not forever._

" _I know, darling. But really, love, it's only a couple of weeks before I get a break. Then, I will be on the first flight back to you." He kissed her hair softly and gently caressed her back through her thin blanket. "Until then, we'll talk everyday and skype as much as we can. There's not a day that will go by that I won't think of you, Emma."_

_Tilting her head up, Emma smiled at him through her tears. "Good."_

_His heart fluttered in his chest. This woman was going to be the death of him and he couldn't find it within himself to care. His hands came to rest on Emma's neck as he kissed her nose, causing her lips to turn up in a grin. Their eyes met and he felt the air around them begin to hum. Closing his eyes, he leaned into Emma until their lips met in a tender kiss. His hands tangled in her hair, he bent his head to deepen the kiss. A groan fell from Emma as she placed her hands on his chest and pushed him until he was lying flat on the couch. The blanket fell off of her shoulders onto the floor next to the couch._

_Removing a hand from her hair, he toyed with the hem of her shirt. Somewhere in the distance, Killian heard his phone go off. Dammit. Why did they have to show up now? He groaned as Emma removed her mouth from his._

" _Are they here for you?" Her voice quivered and she wouldn't meet his gaze. He knew she was upset again and he_ _hated to leave her when she was feeling this way_ _. Ignoring her question, he placed his thumb under her chin and pushed until she was looking at him._

_His heart broke seeing the unshed tears in her eyes. A horn honked outside and Emma jerked her head toward the front door. Bloody hell, they could wait a few more minutes. His wife was more important than getting to the damned plane early. It wasn't like they were going to be late._

" _Don't worry about them, love. We've all the time in the world." He placed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Emma Jones, I love you more than all of the stars in the sky. You know that right?"_

_She shook her head in disbelief, a giggle escaping. Leaning down she briefly kissed his lips before pulling away. Her face contained a small, sweet smile and his heart thumped wildly in his chest again._

" _You better go, before you're late." His body filled with disappointment as she pulled herself off him and stood next to the couch._

_Her voice was full of regret and a sharp pain went through his chest. He wanted to stay. Emma needed him and it went against his very nature to leave her when she was feeling so distraught._

" _Are you sure, love? I can book a later flight if you want me to stay a bit longer." His eyebrow rose at the question._

_She shook her head and the movement lifted her blonde locks. Bloody hell, she was beautiful. Maybe he should book a later flight regardless. It was going to be weeks before they saw one another again. He wouldn't mind little more time with the woman standing before him._

" _Go, Jones. Your fans await. You wouldn't want to disappoint them." She pointed her hand at the door as she walked toward it. The right corner of her mouth lifted in a small smile. He could tell she was still upset. He just wished there was more time to comfort her, to make her realize that he would be returning soon, that regardless of him leaving he loved her and only her. But she was also right...people were waiting on him._

_He pulled himself off the couch and sauntered up to her, invading her space. The horn honked in the distance, again. He let out an exasperated sigh and turned his attention back to Emma._

" _I love you, Emma Jones. Forever." Pulling her back into his arms, Killian committed this moment to his memory. The way she felt in his arms, the way her hair smelled like vanilla, the warmth of her skin. It would have to get him through the next couple of weeks._

" _I love you, too. Now go before I change my mind and keep you all to myself." Removing herself from his arms, Emma turned and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. He knew just the thing to make her feel a little better._

_Smirking, Killian gave her a flirtatious wink before raising his hand to salute her. "Aye, Aye, Captain!"_

_Giggling at his antics, Emma rolled her eyes and blew him a kiss. This was how he liked his wife to be, happy and light._

_The next three months were going to be difficult, he knew that. He didn't want to be away from her anymore than she wanted to be away from him, but he knew in his heart that they would make it through this. She was his happy ending, his everything._

* * *

 

Killian stared at the phone through tears. His heart thumped wildly in his chest causing his hands to shake. His stomach twisted violently, features contorting in heartache. He couldn't believe that she had actually called him. He called her everyday and she had yet to call him back. When he saw her name on his phone screen he thought he was seeing things, but he wasn't. She really had called.

She sounded different on the phone. Not at all like the Emma he knew and loved. Her voice was soft, like it took all of her energy to even form words. Even when she was yelling at him she sounded exhausted, lost. It didn't make any sense. She was the one who left. Why was she so upset if this is what she wanted?

Running his trembling hand through his hair, Killian squeezed his eyes shut in despair. Bloody hell, he  _missed_ her. He had been on tour without her before, he'd spent days without talking to her because he was too wrapped up in whatever it was he needed to do for the band, but this was different. This time she was really gone. She wasn't at home waiting for him to return. She wasn't waiting on him at all.

He wanted to go to the nearest airport and catch the first flight home, to find Emma and make her explain. He would tell her that he loved her, that they could work through whatever the problem was. He let out an anguished sob as tears blurred his vision again. Didn't she understand that he was willing to do anything, to change anything if it meant being with her. All he's ever wanted, since the moment his eyes landed on her all those years ago, was to be with her. He was nothing without her.

The phone vibrating in his hand pulled Killian from his thoughts of Emma. David Nolan's smiling face stared up at him from the screen.  _Likely calling to check up on me._ David had been his one link to Emma, the one person who kept him informed on how his wife was doing. He hadn't received a single call from either Mary Margaret or Ruby, not even to make sure he was doing okay. He hadn't expected anything different, but it still stung.

He wished he had time to talk to David, but he didn't. His thumb pressed the 'ignore call' button. He needed to call Malcolm, to take care of the situation with Emma. His heart skipped a beat when he thought about what she had gone through. HIs face flushed with anger as he stabbed Malcolm's contact number into his phone. The media knew better. Just because he and Emma were separated didn't mean it was suddenly okay for them to attack her.

Malcolm answered the phone on the second ring and Killian wasted no time getting right to the point.

"Please explain to me why the paparazzi accosted Emma while she was trying to go to dinner."

"Really, Killian? This might come as a shock to you, but you are the lead singer of an extremely popular band. You've been voted People's Sexiest Man alive for five years in a row. News of Emma filing for divorce has spread like wildfire. Frankly, I'm surprised it has taken this long for the media to find her." Malcolm laughed on the other end of the phone line and Killian clenched his hand into fist so tight his wedding ring bit into his finger. His head pounded with the rush of blood to his head.

As if things weren't bad enough. Now his manager wanted him to sit idly by and let these people harass his wife. Killian angrily shook his head back and forth. It wasn't going to happen. Not today, not any day. Emma may have left him, but he hadn't left her. He would protect her with everything he had.

"Now you listen here, mate. I don't care what you have to do, who you have to talk to. Issue a statement publicly for all I care. Emma is off limits. Bloody hell,  _Storybrooke_ is off limits. If they want an interview they can contact me. Leave Emma out of it." He was fuming. The volume of his voice rising to the point of yelling.

"Now, Killian. You can't be serious. This is a huge story…" Killian didn't give him the chance to finish. He didn't give a buggering fuck about how big the story was.

"I'm deadly serious, Malcolm. Let me explain this in terms you'll understand. Whatever magazine, radio company, or paparazzi hounds Emma for anything will  _never_  receive an interview from me or any member of the band again. Are we clear, mate?" He heard Malcolm's sharp intake of breath over the line.

"Crystal. I'll take care of it." Killian hung up the phone without responding and threw it on the bed.

He crossed the room in two large strides. Grabbing the bottle of rum by the neck, he twisted the top off and took a large swig. The liquid burned as it went down his throat, but he paid it no mind and swallowed another large gulp.

He was so tired of feeling. One minute he was heartbroken and the next he was ungodly angry. He just wanted to stop feeling everything, he wanted to have Emma back in his arms. He wanted to be numb.

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Killian stood in the middle of his hotel room dressed casually in his favorite Transformers pajama pants. He had every intention of burying himself in his bed and spending yet another evening drinking alone while watching crappy movies on the television. When, out of nowhere, Will burst into his hotel room. His friend did not spare him a glance before he strode over to the suitcase in the corner of the room and began throwing clothing in Killian's direction. Killian's eyes widened when his face was hit with a plaid button up. Pulling the shirt off his head, Killian stared at it in his hand with questioning eyes.

"Uh, Scarlett, was there something I could help you find, mate?" Killian threw the shirt onto the bed and slowly walked to where Will was standing.

Will looked up and gave Killian a smirk. "You can help by gettin dressed, Jones."

Killian's head tilted in confusion. Why would he get dressed? Did Will think… bloody hell, no. He was not going out with them tonight, or any night for that matter.

"Listen, mate. I appreciate the…" Killian stopped speaking when Will stood up and raised an eyebrow in his direction, Will's features reflected nothing but concern for Killian.

"Killian." Will spoke as if he was speaking to a child. "It's been weeks, mate.  _Weeks._ Holding yourself in another hotel room init gonna solve anything. You need to get out."

He was right. Staying at the hotel just meant he would end up drunk and calling Emma for the upteenth time, like that was going to solve anything. It was just… the idea of being surrounded by a crowd of people did not sound appealing. It was one thing to do it at a show. That was his job, but this would be for… fun? Killian shook his head softly. No, this wasn't a good idea. He wasn't fit for a public outing. It would be best for him to stay back.

"Will, I think…" Again Killian was interrupted by his friend.

"Nope, Jones. You're comin. Robin n Smee are waitin downstairs." Will lifted his hand and rubbed the hair on Killian's head. "We're gettin really worried, mate. Come out n show us you're okay." Will's lips curled into a teasing smile. "Besides, you're technically single and we both know I'm a great wingman. Maybe gettin laid would help ya feel a bit better."

Killian shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Fine. I'll go, but I won't be needing your wingman services. I'm, well I'm not ready for that."

Will laughed and threw a pair of pants in Killian's direction. "Ya got five minutes before I come in and dress you meself, Jones!"

Hours later, Killian found himself staring at a very drunk Will Scarlet at some random night club in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Rolling his eyes at his band mate, Killian took another swig of his rum. It was his fifth of the night, he had lost track of how many shots. Despite telling Will that he was not up to any female companionship, his friend had still tried to hook him up with a pretty brunette when they had arrived to the club.  _I may be drunk Jones, but I still know gettin laid solves every problem._ Killian loved his friend but Will was perpetually single, and he...wasn't.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Killian downed the rest of his drink. He hadn't heard a word from Emma since the incident with the interviewer. He shook his head get rid of the thoughts of Emma. The whole reason he had agreed to come out tonight was to to forget all of his troubles, to get his mind off of Emma and their divorce. Killian downed the shot that Robin placed in front of him and slammed the glass on the table. Maybe he needed another drink to help. Robin grinned and twirled Killian's shot glass on his finger.

"Another round, mate?" Robin asked, raising his eyebrow in Killian's direction.

Killian grinned from ear to ear. His body felt warm, his head beginning to buzz from the effects of the alcohol. Yes, more shots sounded like an awesome idea. In fact, it sounded like the best idea Robin ever had.

Before he could nod his head to answer Robin, Will's hand slapped Killian on the back and he answered for him. "Oi! Of course me mate wants another! Hell, bring 'em two more 'n some more rum!" Then, Will shoved three of his own shots in Killian's direction.

Killian wasn't inclined to disagree with Will. The drunker he got, the easier it became to push Emma into the back corners of his mind to be dealt with on another day. Grinning, he gave Robin two thumbs up before quickly downing all three of Will's shots. Oh, yes he was most certainly feeling good and drunk now. Those shots were going straight to his head.

His foggy mind wondered why he hadn't thought to come out sooner. This was immensely more fun than drinking in his hotel room alone. It was much more entertaining to drink with friends and, with the beer and liquor flowing, he was able to do just that. The dance floor in front of him moved like one big wave of bodies along to the awesome beat being played by the DJ. It reminded him of one of their concerts. He loved when everyone in the crowd sang and cried along the lyrics. It made him want to get up and sing. Or, maybe not sing. Killian stood up from the chair, kicking it away from him. It made him want to dance...

"Mate." Will was focused on a lovely blonde woman and did not hear him. "Mate!" He pushed Will roughly, until his friend turned and looked at him, annoyance covering his features.

"What the hell, Killian?" Will's exasperated voice rang out over the music. Killian ignored his friend and jerked his thumb toward the dance floor.

"I wanna dance." A brilliant smile broke across his bandmate's face and he tilted his head in Killian's direction.

"I'm not your keeper, mate. Do whatcha want." Then, Will turned his attention back toward his blonde.

Killian shrugged and turned his body toward the dance floor. He could feel the pulse of the music running through his veins. Shockingly, the drunken haze he was in didn't stop him from making it across the room to the dance floor. In fact, by the time he arrived his feet were already tapping to the rhythm of the music.

On the dance floor, Killian danced to the beat of the dubstep music. He had never been much of a dancer, but that wasn't stopping him now. He jumped up and down, his arms flailing above his head. He felt nothing save the thumping of his heart from his enthusiastic movements. This was fun, this was the freedom he had been craving.

"Alright all of you party people." The DJ broke in at the end of the song. Killian's heart plummeted when he heard the DJ's voice. No, he had been feeling good for the first time in months. Why did he have pause the music now? "Time for a slow one."

He recognized the song as soon as the first note came over the speakers. His heart twisted painfully in his chest when that note was continued by so many more, the song unmistakable to his ears.. He stood in his spot in the middle of the dance floor unable to move, as everyone coupled up around him. It was as if he had been doused in ice water. He mind lost all of the fuzziness from the drinking and he was acutely aware of everything.

Not this song.  _Please, any song but John Legend's All of Me_.

He wanted to scream, to fall to his knees in the middle of the dance floor. But he couldn't. Tears glistened his eyes as he remembered taking Emma into his arms in the middle of the living room. She had fit there so perfectly, like she had been made only for him. Their hands intertwined and he marveled at how small her hands were in his. His face contorted in agony thinking about how she laughed as he twirled her around all of the furniture in the living room - the couch, the coffee table, his recliner. When he whispered the lyrics into her ear, she pressed herself into him and shivered. Her skin, bloody hell, her skin was so soft as he traced small circles into her lower back just under the hem of her shirt. It was one of the best nights of his life. Just him and Emma and their love.

It felt like all of the oxygen had been taken out of the room and he couldn't breathe. His eyes squeezed shut, his chin fell to his chest as he tried to take in a breath. It was then that he noticed his hand, the way his thumb moved across his wedding band. It was a habit he knew he had. A habit he would always have, because that ring would never leave his hand. He needed to get out of here, away from all of these people and their happiness. Turning on his heel, Killian strode determinedly to the exit of the club. He didn't even stop to tell anyone he was leaving.

What had he been thinking going out and pretending his problems were gone? The cold night air hit him like a slap in the face. He should have known he couldn't have a good night out. None of his nights had been good since she walked out of his life.

* * *

 

"Killian, we need to talk."

Malcolm's voice drew his attention from across the room and Killian sat up in his bed. How had he gotten a key to his hotel room? Unless...Killian's hands ran down his exasperated face. Dammit, Robin. How many times did he have to tell the man that he was fine? Yes, he ran out of the nightclub without saying goodbye, then came back to the hotel and got so drunk they considered taking him to the hospital. That was two weeks ago. Robin was making it out to be a bigger issue than it was. He didn't need nor want any help, especially from Malcolm of all people.

"Look, Malcolm...about the nightclub incident. Mate, I…" Killian trailed off as he tried to make up with a good explanation for his behavior. For some reason, suffering from a broken heart didn't seem like it would cut it.

"I dont care about the bloody nightclub incident." Malcolm took a seat in the chair across from Killian. "I care about the money, Killian, and do you know who brings in the money?"

Placing his head in his hands, Killian stared at the comforter on the bed. Of course he knew who brought the money in.

"The fans." Killian lifted his head to look at Malcolm.

"That's right. The fans. Did you know that your fans are worried? They can see a difference in your performances, in your attitude during interviews." Malcolm folded his hands on his lap and gave Killian a pointed look.

Killian resisted the urge to laugh. Really...  _that_  was why Malcolm was here, because the fans had noticed a change in his performance. His fucking wife had left him, left him without any explanation as to why. He was entitled to not be at one hundred percent. Bloody hell, they were lucky he was even on this damned tour. In fact, the fans were the only reason he was on the tour.

What would really help him would be talking to Emma. If he could just talk to her and get the explanation he desperately needed, then he could move forward. His hand curled around the comforter into a fist. There had still been no contact on her part, not since what Killian had taken to calling 'the incident.' He still called her everyday, sometimes twice a day, and left a voicemail. He even tried to email her, not that it had gotten him any different of a response.

Killian rubbed the tears from his eyes in frustration. No wonder he was a mess. He was completely in the dark about what he should be doing. Should he give up and stop calling her? Was he supposed to go home or stay on tour? If she would just tell him what she wanted, he would do it. No questions asked.

Malcolm cleared his throat. Killian's red-rimmed eyes met Malcolm's gaze. Sighing, Malcolm shook his head.

"You're a mess, Killian. It's seeping into every part of your life. It needs to stop. Now." Killian nodded his head in agreement before Malcolm continued. "I understand that something big is going on and I feel for you, I do. The problem is it is now affecting ticket sales for future shows. That's something I can't allow to happen."

Killian's heart sank. Ticket sales were being affected? His hand came up to scratch the hair at the base of his neck. That meant that the entire band was being affected - Will, Robin, and Smee. No wonder Robin had been so concerned. This was their livelihood, too. Killian narrowed his eyes. He needed to stop thinking only of himself, he needed to put the band first.

"What do I need to do?" He was determined to fix this. There was no way he would let the rest of the band suffer for his problems.

Malcolm's lips turned up into a mischievous smirk. "It's a crazy idea, but if you can pull it off it just might work. You're not going to like it though."

"Just tell me." Killian took a deep breath and released it.

"The VMAs are in a couple of days. As you know, the band is nominated for Video of the Year among some other award. There is a break in touring so the band can make an appearance and you, Killian, will be going with a date." Malcolm's smirk turned sinister as he raised an eyebrow in Killian's direction.

Killian's stomach twisted violently. No, there was no way this was a good idea.

"Malcolm.."

"No, Killian." His manager interrupted. "You will do this. You will go to the show and you will appear happy. You'll make all of the fans think you are doing fine, that the great Killian Jones is back on top." Malcolm pointed his finger at Killian. "You will do this for your band." His voice left no room for argument.

Killian watched speechless as Malcolm stood and walked out of the hotel room. Once the door shut, he dropped his head into his hands. The idea was crazy, absolutely insane. His heart beat rapidly in his chest. What was Emma going to think? Nothing good, he was sure of that. Sure that if she didn't already hate him, she would after the award show.

He closed his eyes tightly.  _Fuck_. He wanted to say no, to call Malcolm and tell him he wouldn't do it. Then he thought of Robin, who had been his mate since he moved to the states, of Will, who did whatever necessary for the band, and of Smee, who always seemed to be there for Killian when he needed him. He would do this, for them. Ticket sales were dropping and that was his fault. He needed to fix it, fix the problem that he created, and this was their best option.

Snapping his eyes open, Killian looked out of the hotel window to see the view of Cleveland, Ohio. His entire body sagged in despair.  _I'm so sorry, Emma. Please forgive me._


	6. Chapter 5 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As always, a huge thanks to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for editing this! I cannot thank o-u-a-timer enough for all that she has done to help me with this fic, she is amazing and deserves the biggest of hugs!
> 
> The reunion is coming, I promise. I believe it is in Chapter 7, so only one more chapter before it is here and before you ask... I am not going to tell you how it goes :P. I am so glad you guys are enjoying this story, it is very near and dear to me. 
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews. They make my day!!!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Two years ago._

_It was midday and they had yet to make it out of bed. It reminded Emma of their lazy Sunday mornings when they were in college. Snuggling closer into Killian's bare chest, Emma released a satisfied sigh when his hand reached under her shirt to run the length of her spine. Goosebumps formed on her back._

_She needed more moments like this in her life. It was too often that he was either in LA or on tour, too often that she spent weeks without him. Even his phone calls had become less frequent. She would sometimes go two to three days without a word from him. Emma shook her head. She didn't want to dwell on those thoughts right now. This was his career, his dream. She had to take the good with the bad and right now, right now was a good moment._

_Turning her body so her chin could rest on Killian's chest, Emma gave him a brilliant smile. His hand moved from her back to caress her cheek and she leaned into it._

" _This is nice." A tender smile crossed his face. He looked peaceful, completely content to just bask in their love. She was inclined to agree._

" _Aye, love. This is...perfect. I've missed having you in my arms." Emma kissed the spot above his heart and felt him release a shuddering breath._

" _I've missed being in them." Emma heart fluttered as she lay her head flat on his chest again. She felt content, loved. One of his hands found placement in her hair, while the other intertwined with hers._

_Being in love with the Killian Jones of The Dashing Rapscallions was not always easy, but it was moments like this one that made it all worth it. One thing she was always thankful for was that she never had to second guess Killian's love for her and moments like this confirmed that for her. She knew he would never leave her, not willingly. He had told her once, way back on their first date in college, that he was in this for the long haul and he had spent everyday since proving that to her._

" _What's next, love?" His quiet voice drew her from her thoughts. Her eyebrows bunched in confusion. What did he mean? She was pretty sure the plan was to not leave the bed for the entire day. Had he changed his mind? Did he actually want to go out into town? Her stomach twisted in disappointment. She hoped not, she didn't want to burst this happy bubble that had formed around them. She really wanted it to just be the two of them._

" _Next? I thought we were staying here all day?" She turned to meet his gaze, head tilting questioningly. He shook his head and gave her a small easy smile. He looked so handsome laying on the bed with mussed hair. She resisted the urge to lean forward and bring her lips to his._

" _No, Emma. What's next...for us." He brought their hands to his mouth and kissed hers gently, this time his eyes were full of questioning and maybe a bit of concern._

_Emma's heart thumped wildly in her chest as she attempted to calm herself. He meant their future. What did she want to do next in their life together. Her hands began to tremble nervously. There was only one other thing that she really wanted to do. One small thing, that after six years of marriage, she finally felt ready for. Meeting his eyes, she bit her lip before speaking._

" _A baby?" Why did she sound so unsure? She realized then that she wanted this, wanted it so so badly. Shock crossed his features and for a minute Emma couldn't breathe. She avoided his eyes and began playing with the blanket on the bed. What if he said no? What if he wasn't ready for this?_

" _Hey." He lifted her chin so she could look into his eyes again. "I can see you over-thinking this love and I'm going to ask you not to. A baby sounds like a grand idea, eventually. I'm getting ready to go on tour again and your busy working on getting that promotion. The timing just isn't right, but I do want this...more than anything."_

_His words allowed Emma to relax slightly, but only slightly. No, maybe now wasn't the best time to start trying, but she didn't want to put it off. The truth of the matter was that no one is ever truly ready for a baby and if they kept waiting they would always find an excuse._

" _When you get back then?" Her eyes widened. She hadn't really meant to say it out loud. Holding her breath, she waited for his response. She was shocked when he enthusiastically nodded his head._

" _That sounds like a bloody brilliant idea love." Her heart skipped a beat at his words. Leaning forward she pressed her lips to his. Her hand twisted in his hair and one of his wrapped around her waist hauling her atop of him._

_A baby. A little boy or girl that shared a little part of each of them. Someone that she would ensure didn't grow up the same way she did._

_Killian broke the kiss so that he could flip them. Her back landed on the bed as he hovered over her. His eyes twinkled with amusement as he leaned down and ran his nose along her jaw before staring her in the eyes again._

" _A baby." His voice was calm, sure. It was a statement, not a question._

_A giggle escaped her as she nodded her head, her lips curling into a grin. Her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She hadn't felt this happy in a long time. It felt as though she would burst._

" _A baby."_

_This right here was everything she ever wanted, everything she ever needed._

* * *

 

"So whatcha feel like doing later tonight?" Ruby's voice came from the other side of the kitchen, startling Emma. She should be used to her coming in by now, it was a daily occurrence.

About a week after the reporter cornered Emma outside of Granny's, Ruby started to join Emma at the apartment during her lunch break.  _You're stuck in this house all day because you're scared of running into those damned reporters, Emma. The least I could do is be a good friend and come visit._ It was a great gesture, one that she appreciated immensely, but she still felt bad about Ruby traveling all the way across town just to have lunch with her. Emma rocked her head from side to side sadly. Yet another situation where Killian's absence was affecting everyone other than him.

Sure, she knew she didn't  _have_ to stay in the house all day. She just didn't want to be caught unaware by a reporter again. She knew Killian had spoken to Malcolm about it, he left her another voicemail confirming it, but it really wasn't worth the risk to her. It was better to stay in the apartment and avoid the matter at all costs. Emma chuckled to herself. She was getting really good at avoiding, whether it be situations or...people. Speaking of which, she was currently avoiding her friend's question.

Swallowing her food, Emma shrugged her shoulders before answering. "Oh, you know...the usual."

"Meaning staying in and watching a movie?" Ruby rolled her eyes in Emma's direction as she closed the door to the fridge with more force than necessary.

Stopping her fork halfway to her mouth, Emma sent a glare in her friend's direction. "Ruby, you know why I avoid going out."

Ruby sighed, shrugged her shoulder, and took her seat next to Emma. "I know. I know. I'm just kidding. Sure, I wish things were different because I'm getting a little stir crazy. But I get it, I do. Anyway, what are we watching tonight?" She leaned over and pushed her shoulder into Emma's.

Emma sighed. She had kind of hoped Ruby would be gone tonight so she could watch the show in peace. Ruby was going to read too much into this and she didn't want to deal with the questions. This was something she did every year. Just because she and Killian were… well, she wasn't going to let that stop her. Sitting her fork down next to her plate, Emma looked at her hands lying in her lap.

"The VMAs are on tonight." Her voice was soft, unsure. She wished she could be more confident, but she couldn't. Yes, this was her tradition, but that didn't mean it was a good idea.

"The VMAs? Emma, are you sure? You know you're going to see him. Are you ready for that?" Emma jerked her head to meet Ruby's concerned eyes.

"It's tradition, Ruby. I watch every year and the band is up for Video of the Year again. Robin, Will, and Smee are still my friends." She purposely avoided Ruby's question about being ready to see Killian. At this point she couldn't even talk to him on the phone, she had no idea how she was going to handle seeing him.

Ruby reached over and gripped one of Emma's hands before giving her a small smile. Emma's heart clenched in response. This was not what she wanted. She didn't want Ruby to baby her. Standing stiffly, Emma pulled her hand from Ruby's grasp and walked over to place her plate into the dishwasher.

"I'll see you after you get back from work, okay?" Without waiting for Ruby's response, Emma walked out of the kitchen. She was fine. Watching the show would be fine, easy even. Now, if she could just convince her heart.

* * *

 

Sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on her lap and a beer in her hand, Emma watched the red carpet interviews. Ruby sat next to her with a beer in her hands, as well. They both were commenting on the dresses and how good some of the men looked. The Dashing Rapscallions had yet to make their appearance and Emma's heart pounded in anticipation.

She remembered the one time she had been to the VMAs. In the five years since Killian's band had taken off, she had only been once. Her work schedule prevented other appearances. She went the first year they were nominated. The whole evening was a whirlwind. There were cameras everywhere, strangers yelling random questions, fans screaming for attention. Not to mention the insane after shows she had been whisked off to. It was one of the moments that solidified her belief that she was not cut out for a life in the public's eyes. Killian, of course, was in his natural element. He charmed everyone he met and by the end of the night she had felt perfectly at ease. It also helped that he hadn't left her side the entire time.

Putting some popcorn in her mouth, Emma saw Katy Perry on the television screen. Katy was a nice girl, a little weird for Emma's tastes, but nice nonetheless. She shook her head as she realized she had met a handful of these people during the first year after Killian's big break. It was still odd to her that she knew them. Idly, she wondered if Killian had come home or stayed in LA for the show. She let out a huff of annoyance. Of course he stayed in LA. The damned award show was in LA, why would he come to Storybrooke?

Emma took a sip of her beer and her mouth formed a huge smile at the sight of Robin on the screen. The crowd went wild as he exited the limo. He looked happy as always, waving and smiling to the fans. There was a pang in her heart when she thought about not seeing him anymore. She'd always liked Robin, he seemed to keep Killian grounded when he was away.

Next out of the limo was Smee, his red cap atop his head as always. He never went anywhere without it. Will stepped out looking dapper as he always did. Again, the crowd went wild. Next to Killian he was the most popular member of the group. Emma rolled her eyes as Will blew kisses to the female fans. He was such a flirt, but Emma adored him.

Holding her breath, Emma prepared herself for Killian to exit the limo. She was surprised by how good he looked. His black suit hugged him in all of the right places, his hair devilishly mussed just the way she liked it. Her heart clenched as she saw him smile and wave to the fans before turning back to the limo. She'd missed him so much.

Emma looked down as tears formed in her eyes, she bit her cheek to keep them from falling. It had almost been two months and seeing him still hurt. The thought ripped her to shreds.

Suddenly, Ruby's hand reached out and gripped Emma's. Looking up, Emma saw shock all over Ruby's features. Confused, Emma returned her attention to the television.

Her heart stopped beating. The tears that had formed in her eyes fell. Her mouth opened and the hand that Ruby wasn't holding reached up to cover it. Her wide eyes were glued to the television as her husband, the man she loved, walk down the red carpet laughing with a petite blonde in a green dress wrapped in his arms. Emma watched, heart heavy in her chest, as the band approached one of the many reporters lined up for interviews.

"The Dashing Rapscallions are certainly living up to their name tonight." The female reporter commented while offering a flirtatious smile to Killian before sticking her microphone out for him.

"Would you expect anything less from us, lass?" His question was a deep murmur as his eyes twinkled.

"Of course not!" The reporter's smile grew as she let out a coy giggle, indicating how smitten she already was with Emma's husband. "You're looking especially dapper tonight, Killian. Tell me, who designed your suit? Armani?"

Killian's eyes widened, lips curling into a small disbelieving smirk. "No, love. This one was custom made by Brioni, the same people who make James Bond's suits." He rocked forward on his feet in an attempt to contain his elation.

"Very nice. Only the best for Killian Jones, right?" Killian tipped his head in confirmation. "One last question, Killian, just who is this lovely woman acting as your date tonight?"

The blonde actually had the nerve to tighten her hold on Killian as she shared a demure smile for the camera.

Killian's eyes fell on the blonde and he winked before he spoke. "This is a new friend who graciously agreed to accompany me this evening."

Emma exhaled sharply, eyes dropping from the the television. Her husband was all smiles and and good-natured attitude. Emma wanted to be mad, but she couldn't. Not even as he continued to hint to the reporter who the new lady in his life was. She wanted to scream, but instead her heart broke in devastation. How could he be so cruel? Didn't he know that this would hurt her? Did he even think about her at all?

Limbs stiff, Emma stood up from the couch. The bowl of popcorn in her lap tumbled to the floor as she darted down the hallway to her room. She vaguely heard Ruby calling, but paid her no mind. The picture of Killian laughing with that woman was burned into her eyes, his happy laughter ringing in her ears.

Finally in her room, Emma's legs gave out. She covered her stomach protectively as her face fell in agony. She had spent years being so unbearably unhappy, unbearably alone, before she built up the courage to leave and file for divorce. Deciding to leave had nearly killed her, so much so that after, she spent days holed up in the apartment trying to come to terms with her decision. It was a decision that affected every hope and dream she'd ever had for them.

Her chest tightened as her heart wrenched in pain. How was it then that he could move on so easily? How could he show up to an award show and flaunt this new woman as if he had forgotten what they had shared for more than eight years. It was almost as if none of their time together mattered to him. If it had, if she really mattered to him, then he would be just as wrecked as she was. He wouldn't be out at award show or on tour, he would be here.

It didn't matter that he didn't know the details about why she left, why she filed for divorce. All that mattered was she had. She'd left him and his solution to her leaving was to get on an airplane, to call her everyday and beg that she explain. Calling her everyday wasn't going to make up for him leaving, for being blind to all of their problems. It wasn't going to make everything alright.

Her hand dug into her stomach, pressing hard. She had the right to be angry, to be fed up with him. She had the right to leave. They had lost so much. Killian didn't even realize how much loss had been stowed upon them, upon him.

Sobs racked her body as she tried to catch her breath. This was too much. The divorce, Killian's endless calls, his new fucking  _girlfriend_ , that fact that she was still very much in love with him, it was all too much. Knocks sounded from her door, but Emma couldn't move. Her body felt like lead, like the weight of the world was coming down on her.

For the first time since she had walked out on Killian, Emma wondered if she had made a mistake.

* * *

 

Sighing in exhaustion, Emma twisted in her chair and reached for one of the new files on her desk. She had only been back to work less than a day and already, there were four more cases needing placement for her to look at. Opening the new file, Emma rubbed her eyes before closing it and placing it back on her desk. She couldn't find the motivation to work, even after being off for weeks. Clicking her email open, she barely looked at it before running her hand through her hair and picking up the file again. She placed the file back on her desk and let out a frustrated growl. She was distracted and she knew why.

It had been a week and a half since the VMAs, a week and a half since she had watched Killian parade all over her television with his new blonde. After picking up the pieces of her heart and accepting her fate, she had tried to return to some semblance of a life. Then, Killian had stopped calling. Just like that. She had not received one call since the VMAs  _and_  he had been spotted out in public more, always with that blonde woman too.

She didn't know whether she should be angry, sad, or both. When she had first left she couldn't wait for him to stop calling, for him to leave her alone. Now, she didn't know what to think, what to feel. Nothing had changed, if anything the absence of his calls only highlighted his absence when dealing with their problems. But seeing him with that woman  _hurt_ , hurt in a way that she had never expected.

Shrugging her shoulders, Emma picked up the file again and stared at it blankly. Why was she even dwelling on this? The divorce was as good as done, the signed papers lie in her purse on her desk. All they were waiting on was Killian's signatures and they would get those when the tour was over in three more weeks. This was what she  _wanted_. Ugh, she needed to get some work done and stop thinking about all of this.

Opening the file, she scanned the information quickly. Male. Three days old. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. Was this what her child with Kilian would look like? Her hand moved to rest over her stomach. She wondered, and not for the first time, what would it have been like to raise a child  _with_  Killian?

She could picture it clearly in her head. Kilian panicking on the way to the hospital, driving erratically just to get her there. Killian holding their child up for the world to see, a proud grin on his face. Rubbing her stomach, tears prick her eyes but she was helpless to stop the images. Kilian driving like a grandpa on their way home from the hospital.  _Our child is only days old, Emma! I won't have us getting into a car accident on the way home!_  The tears spilled over onto her cheeks and she wiped them furiously. She imagined Killian falling asleep in a rocker while holding their child.

All of the air left her lungs. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. All she ever wanted was to have a family with Killian, to raise a child with him. Of course they never got around to it. Her hands clench into fists. How could they when he spent weeks in LA at a time and months touring every spring into summer while she was left at home to her own devices? Her body was coursing with anger. He could barely remember to call her daily, how the hell was he going to take care of a child? In fact, since she had walked out, he had called her more times than he had in the past year.

Taking a deep breath, Emma attempted to calm herself. There was nothing she could do to change any of this. She refused to ask him to give up his dreams for her, but she also refused to be sidelined any longer. The only way they would both be happy was to be apart and that was the end of it. With her breathing returning to normal, Emma turned to go to the restroom and clean off her face. Distracted, she ran directly into Mary Margaret.

"Oh, Emma! I was just coming to check on you." Mary Margaret grabbed her shoulder to steady herself. Emma refused to look her friend in the eye.

Shit. Just what she needed. She knew her face was blotchy from crying and there was no way to hide it from Mary Margaret. She really didn't want to deal with all of the questions she knew Mary Margaret was going to have. All Emma wanted to do was clean herself up and return to work. As if she could sense Emma distress, Mary Margaret turned her face to meet Emma's and gasped.

"Emma! Are you alright?" Mary Margaret reached a hand up in concern to touch Emma's tear-stained cheeks, her voice tinged in worry.

Emma took a step back before her friend's hand could make contact. Being comforted wasn't going to help her, it wasn't going to make her pain go away. Emma wiped her cheeks with the back of her shirt sleeve and took a deep, calming breath before crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm fine, Mary Margaret. What do you need?"

She watched as Mary Margaret shifted from one leg to another uncomfortably. Her hands twisted nervously in front of her. Emma knew she wanted to talk about Killian. She also knew if she didn't let her, then her friend would just try to come back later. Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. Might as well get this over with.

"Just spit it out, Mary Margaret. I can handle it." Annoyed, Emma tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and waited while impatiently tapping her fingers on her arm.

"I was wondering how you were doing with everything? How are things going with Killian?" Mary Margaret's question was a soft-spoken whisper, full of unease. Her eyes darted up and down Emma's form inquisitively.

Emma's lips curled into a fake smile and she lowered her arms to her sides as she tried to appear cheerful, as if nothing was troubling her. "I'm fine, really. As for Killian…" She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I don't know. He stopped calling." And started dating, she added silently, begrudgingly.

"Stopped calling?" Mary Margaret slanted her head to the side, her eyes widening in confusion. She opened her mouth to speak only to close it moments later. Her forehead scrunched, eyebrows inverted questioningly. "Do you know why?"

Emma shook her head and looked away. Why did it matter? All that mattered was he stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped emailing. She didn't want to think about why he stopped. All that did was lead to tears and she was so sick of crying over everything.

"Nope." Emma waved her hand, while shaking her head indifferently. "He just stopped."

Emma lifted her eyes to meet Mary Margaret's and gasped when she found her friend's eyes narrowed in her direction. Wait, why was she getting upset?

"Maybe he stopped calling because you wouldn't answer, because you wouldn't  _talk_ to him Emma. Maybe he felt like you wanted him to back off." Her friend's body was stiff with tension, as she crossed her arms and stared at Emma accusingly. What the hell. Since when was Mary Margaret on 'Team Killian?' She had never cared about to ask about him before and now she suddenly knew why he had stopped calling?

Emma's blood boiled. She loved her friend, she really did, but this was none of her business. Mary Margaret had no idea what was going on with her and Killian. She had no idea how broken Emma truly was. She had no clue how crushed Emma was watching Killian with this new woman, how alone she'd felt for the last three years, or how completely blind Killian was to their problems. She knew nothing.

Emma narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Or maybe he stopped calling because he was too busy with his new girlfriend, maybe he's too busy to care."

Mary Margaret's jaw dropped at Emma's words. Pushing past her, Emma felt tears trickle down her cheeks again. This time she made it to the bathroom before the sobs overcame her.


	7. Chapter 6 - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always a huge thanks to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for editing this. Again, I owe so much to -o-u-a-timer for all of her help writing this, without her this fic wouldn't be half of what it is. 
> 
> I really don't have much to say regarding this chapter. You all are going to hate waiting for the next one, but hopefully I will have it up soon. Thanks so much for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews...they make my day!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Five Months Ago._

_Killian's pen scribbled swiftly across the paper, his brows furrowed in concentration. Maybe... A hand came up to scratch the week-old scruff on his face. Bloody hell, why couldn't he get this right? Standing quickly, all of the papers around him scattered to the floor. Pacing from one end of their recording studio to the other, he resisted the urge to throw his arms up in exasperation._

_He had three months until The Dashing Rapscallions left for tour. Three bloody months and he was nowhere near finished writing the remainder of this album, let alone ready to record it. Malcolm was going to be pissed. Killian rolled his eyes. He could give two fucks if Malcolm was pissed. The man was a weasel._

_Killian's eyes caught sight of the band's four albums hanging on the wall. All of them were certified multi-platinum. Malcolm may be a weasel, but he knew what he was doing when it came to managing bands. Which was why they all listened to him and it was precisely why he had been holed up in this damn studio for three days straight trying to finish the album._

_He looked around the room. At least the studio was large. He had loads of room to try to work through his thoughts and it was quiet. He'd hopped from one band mate's home to another, attempting to find inspiration to write. The change of environment never worked. Robin and Will's shared a loft in downtown LA was always too loud. Smee's apartment, though in a better location, wasn't an option either. His neighbors always seemed to be fighting._

_He couldn't write at home either, as much as he would love to. Emma was too damned distracting with her perfect lips, toned legs, and... well, he loved each and every part of his wife to say the least. When he was home, which was a lot less than he used to be, his main goal was just to exist with Emma. To surround himself with her love and presence and forget about anything else._

_Groaning, Killian reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. His heart swelled when he noticed he had missed a call from Emma. Thankfully, she had left him a voicemail. Wasting no time, he pressed the screen to play the message. Her toneless voice filled the room and his face fell when he noticed how brittle she sounded._

"Hey, Killian. It's me. Just trying to call you again to see if I could catch you for a moment. We haven't had the chance to talk in…"  _Killian heard sniffling in the background, his heart squeezed tighter in his chest._ "about four days. I guess I just miss you. Just, um, just call me when you have a free moment. I love you."

_He needed to call her. Maybe hearing his voice could soothe her until this weekend. His eyes glanced at the time on his phone. 11:30 pm. Buggering fuck! How the bloody hell did it get so late?_

_He had to finish the song he was working on. If he wanted to go home this weekend and see Emma, since it was his last chance before promotion started in LA for the tour, he needed to get at least three more songs written by tomorrow evening. Striding purposefully to his work area, Killian lifted the paper with the new song notes and crumpled them into a ball. It was trash. Complete and utter garbage. He sat down on the couch placing his pen between his teeth. Suddenly, an idea formed. Yes, his pen began to move. This was it and it was perfect._

_He would call Emma first thing in the morning. Inspiration had finally struck and he couldn't let it pass him by._

* * *

 

The front door creaked opened, slowly, carefully. Killian walked into the pitch black of the house. Home, he corrected himself, his and Emma's. His heart thumped wildly in hope that maybe, just maybe, she would be here. Killian shut the door behind him carefully. If Emma were here then maybe she was sleeping and, if she was, he didn't want to wake her.

Sagging against the door, he covered his face with his hands. Who was he kidding? She wasn't here. Why would she be? He thought about all of the appearances he had made the last several weeks with the woman Malcolm had hired, Tink was her name. The media was eating it up, their picture was in every bloody gossip rag in print.

He shut his eyes, lightly banging his head against the door. If he knew his wife, and he did, he knew she was livid. Their divorce wasn't even finalized and he was out galavanting with another woman. He'd be lucky if Emma ever spoke to him again.

He rubbed his eyes frustratedly. He should've never agreed to Malcolm's plan. He knew that now. He should've come up with another way to let the fans know he was okay.  _Maybe one that didn't piss off your soon-to-be ex-wife, you bloody wanker._ Anything would have been better than Malcolm's plan. Which was one of the reasons he'd stopped calling her. She didn't want to talk to him, she'd made that much perfectly clear. And, even though not calling her went against  _ever_ y single one of his instincts, he hoped by doing it she realized he was trying to give her space, to give her what she wanted.

He wondered, and not for the first time, what had pushed her to the point of ending their marriage. Had something happened while he was in LA? What problems did they have that would make her so adamant about not speaking to him? Or, could it not be a problem...could it be him? Could he have done or said something that angered her, so much so that she wanted to leave him? He shook his head and lightly bit his lip. No, that didn't make sense. When he was home with her, when they talked on the telephone nothing ever seemed amiss. They laughed, they played, they joked. They were happy. She was happy, and then...she left. His luggage dropped from his hand to the floor causing a thud to echo through the room. He just wished he knew the cause.

Leaving his luggage in the foyer, he moved past the kitchen into the living room. Killian froze in shock. His mouth hung open at the sight spread out before him. How? His eyes scanned the room in disbelief. The night before he had left for the tour wasn't a pleasant one. After trying, and failing, all night to get Emma on the phone he decided drinking as much alcohol as he possibly could was a grand idea. And it had been, until he'd reached the point that drunk meant angry at the world, angry at Emma, and angry at himself. In a drunken rage, he'd turned all of the portraits on the first floor and in the process broken several of the framed. He'd flipped the coffee table over, breaking its glass top. He wasn't proud of his behavior that night, wasn't proud of the way he destroyed everything that reminded him of happier times.

He had intended to clean everything once he returned from touring. But somehow, amazingly, the room was clean. No, it wasn't just clean, it was pristine. It looked almost as if professional cleaners had come in. In fact, his eyes scanned the room intently, it wasn't just this room that was clean. It was the entire first floor. Every bit of evidence regarding his destruction was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.

His heart skipped a beat as he swung his head toward the steps. Hope flickered through his body.  _Emma._ His heart knew, his head knew. She did this. She had come home and done this.  _She had come home._  The words repeated in his head over and over again until his body propelled itself toward the stairs. It took mere seconds to arrive at the door to their bedroom, which was gloriously closed.

He paused, took a deep breath, and pressed his palm flat against the door. He wanted so badly for her to be in their room. He pictured her blonde locks splayed over her pillow. If his heart beat any faster, it would beat out of his chest. His hand grasped the door handle and turned until a click sounded in the hallway.  _Please_.  _Please let her be here._ With his eyes still closed, he took a step forward and edged the door open slightly.  _Please._  He opened the door completely.

All he could see was blackness. Reaching a hand out, he searched the wall until he found the light switch and flipped it on. Hopeful, wide eyes scoured the room and... nothing. The room was just as empty as the day he left. His chest tightened as he examined the room. He was wrong, it was  _more_  empty than the day he'd left. Her suitcases were gone. She had been here, he'd been right about that. Came and left, likely without a second glance, just as she'd done to him.

He bit the inside of his cheek, hard.  _Don't break down. It fixes nothing. Don't break down._ He was going to break down. He needed to get out of this room. He almost fumbled over his feet as he turned and attempted to thrust his body toward the door. Out of the corner of his eye, a glint of something stopped him. His eyes shut painfully and his heart stuttered.  _No, it couldn't be…_  Almost robotically, he turned toward the glint. His hands clenched at his sides.  _It couldn't be the gold of a ring, of her ring, because that would be... impossible._ His breath quickened as he fell to his hands and knees.  _No._ He closed his eyes in an attempt to avoided seeing what he already knew was there. He took a breath and then another before reaching out with trembling fingers.

Clasping his hand around Emma's wedding ring, he crushed to his chest as if it were his lifeline. In a way it was, it was his last link to her. His heart broke into a thousand pieces as tears flooded his vision. How could she… didn't she understand that he didn't want a divorce? He wanted anything except that _._ His eyes landed on his thumb twisting his own wedding ring. It represented everything he did want. Which was the same thing he'd wanted since college. It was the same thing he would always want, her and him. Them.  _Forever._

Killian stood, still pressing his hand to his chest, and numbly walked out of the room leaving the door wide open. The diamond on the ring bit into his palm, but he barely noticed. In the kitchen, he grabbed the first bottle of liquor he could find and downed a mouth full. Wiping his lips with the back of his shirt, he opened his hand to stare at the ring.

It was simple, a single solitaire diamond. He hadn't been able to afford much when he'd asked.  _I don't care about the ring, Killian. I just care that I'm finally going to be Mrs. Killian Jones._ The bottle hit the wall with a crack. Killian watched morosely as the liquor dripped from the wall onto the floor. It was really over. After eight years, it was over.

Without cleaning the mess, he turned and grabbed another bottle of rum from his stash in the cabinet. If she wanted to hurt him, she'd done a bloody good job of it. He opened the bottle and swallowed a mouthful. In fact, he wasn't just hurt… he was in pieces. Pieces that only Emma could put back together. He clenched the ring back to his chest. Taking another mouthful of rum, he made his way to the living room. More tears flooded his eyes as he plopped onto the couch.

How do you fix a relationship when one person clearly doesn't want it to be fixed?

* * *

 

Killian's body jerked into consciousness. His eyes slowly opened to see David sitting across from him on the remains of the coffee table, his concerned gaze focused entirely on Killian. Bloody hell. Why did he think it was a good idea to give him a key to the house? Furthermore, why did he think it was a good idea to invite him over this morning? He should've known his first night back was going to end up with him passing out drunk.

"You know, Jones, rum really isn't a solution to everything." Arching an eyebrow, David gave Killian a knowing look.

Killian's head fell backwards as he looked at the ceiling. No, rum wasn't a solution for his problems but, seeing as he really didn't know what the solution was, rum was as good an option as any. Arching his back, he attempted to work out all the kinks that came with sleeping on the couch. His head was pounding, bloody hell, his body ached.

"What's this?" David's perplexed voice interrupted Killian's assessment of his ailments, causing him to turn his gaze to what David was referring to.

His heart seized in his chest. Buggering fuck. Emma's wedding ring. He must have dropped it onto the couch while he was sleeping. This was not a conversation he wanted to have first thing in the morning, actually this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have  _ever_. Especially not with his wife's best friend's husband. It didn't matter how close he and David were, he was still Mary Margaret's husband.

"It's nothing, David." He tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice came out colder than he intended and he knew David noticed it.

"Really? Because it sure looks like something to me." David's head dipped to the side, eyebrow shooting up in objection.

"Leave it alone, mate." Now, Killian's voice was hard as his eyes silently begged David to, just this once, listen to his pleas.

"I don't think I will." David shook his head slowly. "What is it, Killian?"

Killian burst up from the couch, almost knocking David over in the process, as his hands soared through the air. "Bloody hell, mate! It's Emma's wedding ring! Now can you leave this the fuck alone?"

His chest was heaving as he looked at David who, at least, had the decency to look contrite for a moment. Killian ran a hand through his hair. He should have put the damn thing away when he'd found it. Hide it so he never had to see it again. All it did was remind him of what he's lost, what he'd been helpless to stop.

"Where did you find it?" David's small voice caused Killian to roll his eyes in exasperation. His friend stared intently at the ring as he twirled it between his thumb and forefinger. Looking at his friend, Killian's stomach twisted because he knew David wasn't going to let this go.

"On the floor in our bedroom. When I came home last night I checked the bedroom, I thought..." Killian diverted his gaze to the floor. "It doesn't matter what I thought. When I turned to leave I saw it on the floor."

He didn't want to talk about what had happened after he found it. He didn't want David to know that finding that ring had felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest, how he felt like his whole life was ending as his hands wrapped around it. Killian slammed his eyes shut in an attempt to keep the newly formed tears from falling. He knew that going out with Tink would anger Emma, but he'd been convincing himself that if he could just talk to her he'd be able to explain and smooth things over. He'd been kidding himself. Finding that ring made him realize, for the first time, that he might not be able to fix things between him and Emma, that he might actually lose her.

"Killian…" He heard David rise and a moment later his hand squeezed Killian's shoulder gently. Lifting his eyes, Killian was stunned to find determination in his friend's eyes.

"Go take a shower, then you and I are going to talk. Really talk." David squeezed his shoulder again and gently pushed him toward the stairs.

As Killian walked toward the stairs, he knitted his eyebrows in confusion. He'd been talking to David since all of this madness had started, what could he possibly have to say that was any different from what Killian had already heard? Sighing, he walked up the steps toward the bathroom.

* * *

 

Killian shoved his head under the warm stream of water and placed both palms flat against the wall. He watched dejectedly as the water droplets fell from the tips of his hair onto the floor below. The shower was having the desired affect on his body, he could feel his muscles relaxing further with every minute he stood there.

He wished it would have the same affect on his mind which was currently, as always lately, on Emma. He wanted to tear the hair straight from his head in frustration. He still loved her, bloody hell did he love her. She was it for him. She always had been, which is why he couldn't understand what was happening.

His mind raced through all of his interactions with Emma over the last several months before she'd left and came up with nothing to indicate her leaving him. It made no fucking sense. More than ever, he wished she would just talk to him, wished she would give him a clear understanding of how everything had fallen apart around him. But, she wouldn't talk to him, she was avoiding him at all costs.

His hand lightly pounded the shower wall. She came home and cleaned up his mess, put the house back in order in a gesture of what exactly? Why did she even care what the house looked like if she had no intention of living here with him? Which brought him back to the issue of why she even left in the first place.

All of her avoidance seemed to be centered around him. She had no problem coming to the house, as long as he wasn't there. She wouldn't answer his calls, the one time she called him she had avoided anything that was related to him and their relationship. Tears mixed with the water drops on his cheeks. If he had done something, then what the bloody hell was it? Why had she not addressed the issue with him instead of running from the problem?

Shutting the water off, Killian took a calming breath. Analyzing hadn't helped him in the past three months and it wasn't going to now. The only person who knew why she left was Emma and it seemed she had no desire to share. Killian reached for the towel and wrapped it around his body. David was waiting.

* * *

 

Hair still damp from the shower, but thankfully dressed in a new pair of jeans and red henley, Killian came down the stairs to see David sitting at the bar. In the middle of the countertop was Emma's wedding ring and a tall glass of water. The latter of which, David pushed toward him as soon as Killian entered the kitchen.

"Drink this. We both know you've had far too much rum lately." David gave him a friendly smile.

Even though he had no desire to drink water, Killian lifted the glass, tipped it in David's direction, and swallowed a mouthful.

"Happy, Dad?" Killian rolled his eyes at his friend's antics before placing the glass back on the countertop.

"Immensely. Now, what are we going to do about you and Emma?" David grew serious, staring down Killian.

Killian shook his head and took another sip of water. "Right now? I just don't know."

That was the most frustrating part about this whole thing, the fact that he didn't know what to do, didn't know what Emma wanted him to do.

"What do you mean you don't know?" David's voice rose in anger as he slammed a fist onto the countertop. "You're home for at least two weeks. That is two weeks you can use to win her back. Two weeks to, at the very least, talk to her. Come on, Killian, you have to at least have an idea."

Killian looked at his friend, whose body heaved from yelling, and set his glass back on the counter. His shoulders dropped in defeat. "That's the problem, mate. I have no idea how to proceed. In the last three months she has called me once, to tell me to get the reporters off her back, while I've called her over and over again."

He paused, hand coming up to scratch behind his ear, eyes landing on Emma's wedding ring. He reached out to touch the ring, before yanking his hand back as if he'd been burned. He let out an anguished sigh. "I stopped calling a couple of weeks ago, because I thought that was what she wanted. Then, I come home and find out that she cleaned the house after I destroyed it."

He looked up at the ceiling as his brain tried to come up with an explanation for her actions. Finding none, he looked back to David who was watching him intently. "I'm at a loss, mate. A part of me wants to find her and make her talk to me, so at the very least I get some answers. At the same time, I know pushing her...well it never ends well and she has made it quite clear she has no desire to speak to me."

David shook his head, giving Killian a pointed look. "What happened to 'A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets?' Choose option A, fight for her, make her see that you're hurting, too."

Killian's eyes widened as he gripped the countertop, heart pounding rapidly in his chest. "Fight for her?" His voice rose as his eyes widened in disbelief. "Make her see that I've been hurting, too?" Pointing to the wedding ring on the counter, he continued, his voice rising with every word. "She left her fucking wedding ring for me to find, Dave." Blinking back frustrated tears, his hand curled into a fist before slamming onto the countertop. "I have been fighting for her. That's all I have done since the day she left me. I can't make her talk to me, I can't make her listen. I can't fight for a bloody thing, if she doesn't want to be fought for."

Arms resting on the counter, his head fell forward to land in his hands. His fingers swiped furiously at the lingering tears in his eyes as he attempted to control his breathing.

"No, you're right. You can't make her listen, but maybe she would be more willing to do so if she hadn't watched you roam all over the country with your new blonde girlfriend for the last three weeks." Eyes wide, Killian lifted his head from his hands. David's eyes were blazing, eyebrow arched in challenge. His lips pressed into a thin line. All of the anger coursing through Killian's body disappeared at his friend's look.

Swallowing nervously, Killian opened his mouth to speak, but choked on his words. "I...She… It's not what you think." He held his hand up defensively before shaking his head.

"Doesn't really matter what I think, Killian. What matters is what Emma thinks, what Emma saw. Which is you, moving on." David's fingered tapped the countertop as he waited for Killian's response.

Killian's chest deflated as he looked down. "I know." His voice was brittle as he tried desperately to find the words to explain. "It was Malcolm's idea. He hired her to make the fans think I was happy. I just had to play the part." He shifted from one foot to the other, before meeting David's eyes.

"So you thought it was a good idea then? Did you even think of Emma at all through this process?" David's words were harsh as he pointed at Emma's wedding ring. "You were so torn up about finding this. How do you think Emma felt seeing you with another woman? That doesn't sound like fighting for her. In fact, it sounds quite the opposite."

"I know!" Killian threw his hands into the air. "I didn't know what else to do! Of course I thought about Emma! I know that it was wrong and I know blaming Malcolm doesn't excuse the fact that I went along with it. I..."

"She was crying at work the other day." David whispered, causing Killian to end his speech and return his gaze to his friend.

"What?" His breath hitched causing his voice to break. David narrowed his eyes in Killian's direction.

"Mary Margaret told me. Ruby also told Mary Margaret that during the VMAs, she broke down after your interview and locked herself in her room." Killian's heart fell to his stomach, face crumpling in agony.

"I was just trying to keep the fans happy, to keep the ticket sales up. I… I never meant to hurt her." His voice was barely a whisper. How had he let this happen? He was supposed to be fighting for her, not hurting her. Yet, he'd succeeded in doing just that.

"But you did Killian, and from my understanding… she's hurt pretty badly. The question is... what are you going to do about it?" David's hand reached forward and nudged Emma's wedding band in his direction before meeting Killian's distressed gaze. "What exactly is your wife worth to you?"

"Everything." He didn't even have to think when David asked the question. He had made mistakes recently. He knew that, accepted it, but none of his mistakes would ever change the way he felt about his wife. Ever.

"Good. Then, I'd say it's time for you to start actually fighting to win Emma back. What do you think?" David raised an expectant eyebrow in Killian's direction.

"Aye, mate. I think that sounds about right." Killian reached out and grasped Emma's wedding ring in his hand. He didn't know how, but he would show Emma that he still loved her. He would apologize for giving into Malcolm's demands and then explain that there was no other woman for him except her, not Tink, not anyone.

"Good and lucky for you... I have an idea. It's a little radical, but it might work." David's eyes lit up, lips curling into a smile.

Biting his lip, he glanced at Emma's wedding ring in his hand.  _Radical?_ His eyes moved back to David, whose eyes softened for the first time since Kilian's outburst.  _David had never led him astray before, why would he start now?_  His gaze shifted back to the wedding ring, it's diamond shining in the light.  _A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets._ Was he willing to fight, really fight, to fix his marriage, to bring Emma back home?  _Until his dying breath._

"I'm listening, mate."

* * *

 

This was crazy, absolutely insane. What the bloody hell was he doing here? It had been three days since his talk with David, three days since he'd agreed to the plan David had come up with. 'Radical' David had said, bloody outrageous it was.

Killian rolled his eyes when David waved to him happily from the grill. His friend was chatting with one of the many guests in the backyard. His thoughts returned to Emma as he made his tenth lap around the Nolan's backyard. She was going to be livid. She might not ever talk to him again. He let out a frustrated huff. It wasn't like she was talking to him now, anyway. At least this way, he'd have a better chance than all the times he'd called her, this time he would be standing right in front of her.

The plan was simple really, David and Mary Margaret were having a cookout and Emma was invited. David wanted Killian to show up and confront her, try to get her to talk to him. It seemed great on paper, but Killian was still unsure. This went against everything she had been silently telling him she wanted through her actions. He only hoped she didn't react too badly.

Suddenly, he saw a flash of blond out of the corner of his eye and his attention was drawn to the back door. Emma walked out with Mary Margaret in tow. Before Emma could spot him, he slipped behind a tree.

She was smiling at something Mary Margaret had said, but her smile didn't reach her eyes, it wasn't the one that lit up the room. Killian's heart sank. His lips turned down in a frown. This was his fault. Those damned appearances with Tink had done this to her. His cowardly actions had caused her to withdraw. She was too thin, too pale. Her eyes dull, listless. And yet, she was easily the most beautiful woman here.

He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out to her. They ached to cradle her head in them, to caress her cheek and trace her lips. It was time to talk to her, if he waited much longer he would lose his nerve.

Lifting one converse-covered foot after another, he stepped out from behind the tree. She chose that same moment to turn toward him. His eyes met her emerald ones and, just like the very first time he saw her, he was lost.

 

 


	8. Chapter 7 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks go to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for beta'ing. Even bigger thanks to o-u-a-timer for not only being an amazing friend, but for being my cheerleader when it comes to this fic!
> 
> I am not going to lie, my stomach is turning because I am posting this... I am a little nervous because this chapter reveals so much. It's going to be though people. Hang in there. (Remember happy endings are better when you have to work for them)
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews...they make me so happy!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU HAVE ISSUE WITH THE LOSS OF A CHILD/THE LOSS OF THE ABILITY TO HAVE CHILDREN/ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES...PLEASE SKIP THE FLASHBACK.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters. Also, this is where we get into the M territory.

_Three and a Half Months Ago._

_An incessant beeping pulled Emma back into consciousness. The smell of disinfectant assaulted her nose and it crinkled in response. Slowly, almost painfully, her eyes opened. She barely gave them time to adjust before shutting them tightly again. Why was it so bright? Where was her phone? She reached a hand out only to be hindered by something tugging at the skin of her arm. Turning her head so one side lie flat on her pillow, she forced her eyes open to see the source of the tugging, an IV that was placed in her arm. Squinting, her eyebrows knit together in confusion. She rotated her head again to scan the stark white walls of the hospital room, which contained nothing except a small couch, chair, IV stand, and the bed she lie on. None of this made any sense. Why was she here?_

_Pain rippled through her abdomen causing her to gasp. Her eyes widened. Slowly, it all began to come back to her..._

_Pain. She had woken up with pain radiating from her lower abdomen. Pain so intense it had taken her breath away. She tried to stand but as soon as she was upright another wave of sharp pain rippled through her, this time accompanied by nausea. She'd barely made it to the bathroom before her stomach rebelled and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Several times._

_Crawling on her hands and knees, it seemed like hours before she finally made it to the nightstand where her phone lie. Her phone call to emergency services lasted mere seconds before they assured her they were sending an ambulance as swiftly as possible. Her next phone call was to Killian. As she waited patiently for her husband to answer, pain continued to pulsate throughout her. A whimper escaped her as a particularly strong wave hit her and she hung up the phone without thinking to leave a message._

_Ten agonizing minutes later, footsteps sounded in the hallway. Quickly they placed her on a stretcher and carried her to the back of an ambulance to be taken to the hospital. As soon as she arrived, they had taken her in for emergency surgery._

_In her hospital bed, Emma stared blindly at the wall. Ovarian cysts. That is what they suspected it was. She didn't know what that meant for her though. Could she develop cysts again? How would they affect her getting pregnant?_

_A knock from the door pulled her from her thoughts. Emma turned her head to meet the gentle, kind eyes of a nurse. She was petite with reddish brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail._

" _Hey. You're awake." The nameless nurse walked toward her bed, giving her an easy smile. "I'm Belle. I'll be your nurse for the next couple of hours. I'm just going to check your vitals and then I'll page Dr. Whale so he can give you an update on your procedure. Does that sound okay?"_

" _Yeah. That'd be great. Do you...do you know where my phone is?" Her voice was hoarse due to the breathing tube they used during surgery._

" _Oh! Of course, it's right here." Belle opened the drawer on the bedside table. Pulling out her phone, she placed it Emma's waiting hand._

" _Thanks." As Belle worked on getting her vitals, Emma swiped her finger across the screen and pulled up her call log. Her heart sank, Killian still hadn't called her back. Where was he?_

" _Alright, Mrs. Jones. I'm going to go page Dr. Whale. He should be here momentarily. Is there anything else I can get you?" Belle placed both hands on the bedrail._

" _Maybe some water? If that is okay?" Her throat was really sore and her mouth dry._

" _Sure. I'll be back soon." Smiling, Belle waved her hand and walked out of the door._

_Left alone, Emma grabbed her phone again and dialed Killian. He needed to be here. She needed him, needed him to hold her hand and tell her things were going to be okay. She wanted to feel safe in his arms._

You've reached Killian. Apologies for not answering, leave a message and I will return the call in a tic.

" _Mrs. Jones? Do you have a minute." Emma looked at who she presumed was her doctor and hung up the phone without leaving a message._

" _Dr. Whale? Please come in." He smiled softly and walked into the room, shutting the door behind him._

" _Mrs. Jones, I wanted to discuss some of the specifics of your procedure with you." He pulled an ipad from his lab coat and began swiping._

" _Emma, please. I know they said something about ovarian cysts, but was there something else?" Emma studied her doctor, trying to find her answers in his form._

" _Emma." He nodded, giving her a tight smile. "You came into the ER with sharp abdominal pain. We conducted a ultrasound and saw, what we thought were, ovarian cysts on both of your ovaries. We rushed you into surgery with the intention of removing the cysts."_

_She could feel her heart thumping in her chests. "Intention? I don't think I understand." She wrung her hands in her lap._

" _Mrs. Jones, Emma. On the way to the operating room, a cyst on each of your ovaries ruptured."_

_Ruptured. The word repeated in her head over and over. Her stomach twisted and her hand came to rest over the surgical dressing covering her abdomen. Ruptured._

_Dr. Whale walked next to her bed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Emma. We had to perform and emergency Laparotomy and remove both ovaries. There was so much damage, so much internal bleeding, I had no choice."_

_She couldn't breathe. A heaviness had settled on her chest. This… this couldn't be real. Her hands began to tremble over her abdomen. This was a dream, it had to be. Except it wasn't. The slight throbbing of her abdomen confirmed that. Frantic, her eyes searched Dr. Whale's own for a hint of ...something, anything to indicate to her that he was lying. His eyes were full of compassion, of regret, but they held not a single hint of deception. Face crumpling in agony, tears rained from her eyes blurring her vision. How could he let this happen? He was a doctor, it was his job to prevent things like this from happening. It was his job to… A broken wail escaped, her quivering hand covered her mouth. She couldn't… Her heart broke into a million pieces. She would never know what it was like to carry a child of her own, to place her hand over her stomach and feel her child kick. The possibility had been ripped away from her. She looked down at the hand still resting over her abdomen. A feeling of loss settled in her chest. She would never gaze into her child's eyes, eyes that were so full of love, and kiss their forehead. She would never be a mother._

_She vaguely heard Dr. Whale ask her if there was anyone they could call. She shook her head and a moment later she heard the door shut behind him. Sobs racked her body. She didn't want to talk to anyone. They would just tell her that everything was okay, that she would be okay. They were wrong. Losing the possibility of having a child was...it was something she would never recover from. She wanted nothing more than to be a mother. To provide a child with unconditional love, the type of love she had never experienced as a child, the type of love a child deserves. Having a child meant...it meant second chances. A second chance at having the family she had wanted so desperately as a child._

_Her hands covered her face as she weeped into them. Killian. She needed Killian. Her hand searched the bed for her phone once again. Through tears, she dialed her husband._

You've reached Killian. Apologies for…

_A frustrated sob escapes as Emma ended the call and cradled her phone to her chest. Why is she even surprised that he didn't answer? He was never there when she needed him and if there was ever a time that she needed him, it would be now. Now, when she had lost so much, when their family had lost so much._

_It had been days since she last spoken to him. Days. Yet, he couldn't find a single moment to return her phone call. Even when she had called three times, which was not something she normally did. No, he'd always placed his career before her, before them. Why would this moment be any different?_

_Shaking her head, she wiped the tears from her eyes. She was so tired of living like this, of being alone, of never seeing her husband. She loved him, that was never going to change. Sometimes being in love was easy, it was fun. And sometimes..._

_Sometimes it hurts._

* * *

 

Emma wanted to run, but her feet were frozen in their place. Seeing him again was like being punched in the gut, in the very place she often found her hands resting. She hadn't seen him since the night she walked out and it was jarring to her system. Her gaze roamed up and down his body. There were bags under his eyes, it was the first thing she noticed.  _Those weren't there in the pictures with his new girlfriend._  The thought made her smile a bit and then frown. Maybe they were there because he wasn't sleeping, because he was away from his new blonde. His hair was longer too. It fell over his ears, into his eyes, and caused him to run his hands through it several times while he stood still and stared at her. He'd never wore it this long before. Her heart clenched.  _She_ must like it better this way.

Tilting her head to the side, she wondered if it was all a set up, if Mary Margaret and David had set this whole romantic evening cook-out up for the sole purpose of bringing her and Killian together. Shifting her head, she glared at her friend standing next to her. Mary Margaret gave her a sheepish look before shrugging her shoulders and making her way to David, who was across the yard. So it had been a set up. She had been set up by her best friend and husband. Too bad, they had wasted their time. She had no desire to talk to Killian, no desire to even be in the same area he was in.

She shook her head. Why was he here? Clenching her fists, she turned to make her way to the front door. One thing was for sure, she wasn't going to stay to find out.

"Emma!" His voice rung out as soon as she made it through the back door, but she ignored it.

Her heart raced in her chest. She had nothing left to say to him. If she could just make it to her car, she could continue avoiding him altogether. She could ignore his calls and move on with her life, while he moved on with the new blonde.

She made it to the living room in the front of the house before his hand curled around her elbow suddenly, spinning her around to face him. His cheeks were tinged pink from running after her, his breath labored. She tried to pull her arm free from his hold, but he held firm. Why couldn't he just leave her be? Hadn't he already hurt her enough?

"Let me go, Killian." Her voice was hard as she narrowed her eyes in his direction.

"Emma, please. I am just asking for a moment. A single moment." His eyes pleaded with her.

She shook her head as tears pricked her eyes. Her shoulders sagged in defeat, her voice a hollow whisper. "What's her name, Killian? Your new girlfriend. Is that what you came to explain? To tell me why you thought it would be appropriate to travel the country with her when you still hadn't signed the divorce papers?" She swiped at the tears in her eyes in annoyance.

"Lass, she's… she's not my girlfriend." His hand dropped from her elbow, eyes widened in shock, and yet she didn't believe him. How could she? When pictures of him and her cuddling were on the cover of every magazine she saw.

Her stomach twisted violently. The fact that he used 'lass' was not lost on her, either. She wasn't his 'love,' she wasn't his anything, and hadn't been for a long while.

Holding her hand up in defense, she looked him in the eye. "I don't want to hear it. I'm done. I'm so far past done. The divorce papers are in my purse in the car. I'll get them now. The sooner you sign them, the sooner this will all be over and you can live your happily ever after with her."

Turning on her heel, she bit her lip to keep from crying out. He couldn't see her cry, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Even if it felt like she was dying inside, she would wait until she got back to the apartment to break down.

"Emma! Wait, please!" He sounded desperate, but she continued to walk. "Wait! I love you! Please!"

His words froze her in her place. She closed her eyes, fists curling at her side, and took a deep breath. She had never been so thankful that they were alone in the house. How dare he, how dare he throw those words in her face after what he had done. She could feel her cheeks flush as anger coursed through her body. Slowly, she turned to meet his gaze.

"You love me?" She took a step forward. "You have a funny fucking way of showing it, Killian." Another step forward. "How could you?" She took another step forward, backing him against the wall of the living room, they were inches apart now. "You love me? Does your new girlfriend know this?" She shoved her finger into his chest. "Or do you just tell her that you love her, too?"

She was seething as she waited for him to reply, waited for him to explain his actions. He stared at her, eyes full of shock, but said nothing. Shaking her head, she let out a sigh.

"Even better. Now you're lying to both of us. Can I go get the papers now, or do you have any more grand declarations?" Her foot tapped the floor impatiently.

She watched as Killian opened his mouth to say something, shook his head, and then closed it. She wanted him to scream, to tell her that she was wrong, that she was right...something. But he just stood there, watching her, eyes wide.

"You have nothing to say? Nothing?" She could feel her anger deflating, replaced by disappointment. "Why am I even surprised? You don't care, you haven't for awhile."

His eyes shifted from shock to anger to disbelief in a matter of seconds. His jaw clenched and then released. Pushing himself off the wall, he invaded her space. Before she knew what happened, he grabbed her elbow again and spun them so she was flat against the wall. His hand rested on the wall next to her head. Seeing him finally take charge was like dousing the anger in her body. It shocked her, but at the same time it was refreshing. Gulping, she looked into his eyes.

"I care, Emma." His voice was soft, contradicting his body language. "I care so bloody much. I've spent the last three months drinking myself into oblivion because I care." His arm moved from the wall, back to his side and she felt her body relax.

"Drinking and being with another woman doesn't really strike me as someone who cares, as someone who loves me." She challenged with a eyebrow raised.

"Well, lass. It's a little hard to show somebody you care when they won't accept your calls." His lips formed a straight line.

"I have my reasons for avoiding your calls, for avoiding you. All of which were amplified when I saw you with your new love." She bit her lip and tried to keep her voice even.

"My new love?" His features crinkled in confusion. His head drew back slightly, eyes closing as he let out a frustrated breath. "She isn't my new love. I love you, Emma Jones, only you." He opened his eyes and they bore into her, intense and pleading. She could physically feel his need for her to understand his words. Her skin prickled under his gaze. Tears formed in her own eyes and he used his finger to gently wipe them away before continuing softly. "I have since the moment I saw you. I know I messed up by agreeing to go out with Tink. I know you're hurt, but if you give me a chance I can explain. Come with me to the house so we can talk. Please, I'm just asking for a chance."

She was reminded of when he'd asked her out for the first time. He'd looked at her with those piercing eyes and a hopeful grin, a dorky Optimus Prime shirt hung loose on his frame paired with ripped jeans and converses.  _I'm just asking for a chance, Swan._

She wanted to say no, wanted to pretend like what he said didn't matter to her, but she was exhausted. He had hurt her so much, in so many different ways. Hurt her in ways that he didn't even know about yet, ways that he would likely never know about. The truth of the matter was, she needed to hear his explanation, needed to hear why he was with that woman. She nodded to herself several times before taking a deep breath. She squared her shoulders and lifted her body off of the wall.

"Okay." She whispered as she looked into his anxious eyes. "Okay, I'll go."

* * *

 

The ride back to the house was silent. Her entire body felt like a spring that was coiled too tightly. Her legs jittered in her seat. Lightly, she pressed a hand down to steady them. She had insisted that she take her own car to her former home, in case she needed to leave. Killian had tried to protest but, after she'd told him it was the only way she would agree to go, he relented.

She'd been so angry earlier, at him and at herself. Letting that anger rule her had felt good, great even, but now that she was stuck in a car all of that anger was gone. It was replaced with a feeling of apprehension, and maybe longing. She ran her fingers through her long locks while watching the back of his car in front of her. She had no idea what to expect when they arrived back at the house, no idea what he had to say. He'd told her he loved her, that he'd messed up by going out with the new blonde -  _Tink_ \- and he knew that it hurt her. Her heart had swelled hearing him say those words, but it didn't change anything between them.

He was still Killian Jones, lead singer of The Dashing Rapscallions, and she was still Emma Jones, social worker. He would still be gone most of the time, leaving her alone, and she still couldn't give him the family he wanted, that she wanted. On top of all of that, he didn't even know what had happened to her, to them, and she didn't know if she could ever forgive him for not being there when she needed him the most, when she needed him period.

The opening of their front gates pulled her out of her thoughts and her breath hitched as their house came into view. It looked exactly the same as the last time she was here, it always looked the same on the outside. Killian placed the car into park, exited it and moved to stand at her own door. Gradually, she rotated her head to meet his hopeful eyes. The corners of his lips curled into a slight smile as he opened her car door. He stood awkwardly for a moment, scratching behind his ear before speaking.

"Ready to go in?" He held his hand out to help her up and out of the car.

It took her a minute to decide to take his hand, a full minute which felt like hours. In all honesty, she was trying to avoid unnecessary contact between them, all it did was make her heart race, make her never want to let go. Placing her hand in his, the other one came to rest over her incision protectively. Even three and a half months after surgery, she still experienced slight pain if she pulled or twisted her stomach the wrong way. It was normal, or so Dr. Whale had told her. Six to eight week recovery time and all that. Emma noticed Killian's eyes darken when they landed on the hand over her stomach, but mercifully he said nothing. She was nowhere near ready to discuss with him what had happened. It was still too fresh, too final.

She pulled her hand out of his the moment she was on her feet and turned her eyes to the ground.  _Don't look into his eyes. You'll just see disappointment there._ Wordlessly, she followed behind him as he made his way to the front door and unlocked it.

Walking through the door was an entirely different experience than the last time she'd been here. This time the house looked just as clean as when she left it. All of the broken picture frames had been replaced with new ones. There was a new coffee table in the center of the living room. Sitting her purse on the counter she slowly walked down the foyer, her hand lightly touching the wall as she went. Coming to stand in the living room, Emma allowed herself a moment to revel in the fact that she was  _home._  She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this place, how much she missed the feeling of completeness that came with being in one's home.

"Can I get you something to drink?" From behind her, his voice rung out over the silence, causing her to jump slightly and pivot to face him.

She shook her head at his question, taking a seat on the couch. Her hands picked at the suede fabric nervously. Killian stood at the edge of the living room. shifting from one foot to the other. His hand alternated between running through his too long hair or scratching at the nape of his neck while he worried his bottom lip. What a pair they made, married for eight years and they couldn't even talk to each other anymore. They had no idea how to even approach each other. Her heart twisted. Had they really drifted this far apart?

"Where, um, where would you like to start?" His voice pulled her back from her thoughts as he arched his eyebrow in question.

The question should have been simple, but it wasn't. There was so much they could talk about, so much pain they needed to address. She didn't even know where to start, how to fix it.

"Killian, just..." The words died in her throat as she bit the inside of her cheek. Her eyes met his and she silently begged him to just understand what she wanted, to understand what she needed him to do in that moment.

He closed his eyes and nodded his head in understanding. Opening his eyes, he gave her a slight smile before tugging lightly at his ear.

"Aye. Best to start at the most recent and move back from there. Her name is Tink and Malcolm hired her to pose as my girlfriend. According to him, the fans had noticed all too well what things between us were doing to me and this was his solution." As he spoke, he walked further into the room.

Her face shifted into confusion. "So you just went along with this? Knowing that seeing you with someone else, when we were technically still married, would hurt me."

His widened, astonished, and his mouth fell open. Shaking his head in confusion, he stared at her keenly. "Why did it hurt you so much, Emma, when you're the one that left me, you're the one who no longer wanted me?"

She knew he hoped that his question would prompt her to explain, but it had the opposite effect. She pursed her lips together, leaving him with no answer.

Sighing, he sat down next to her, inclining his body in her direction. "I am not going to lie to you and say that I didn't. I did. In fact, I didn't even put up a fight. You had already left and it felt like I had nothing left to lose."

He reached both hands out cautiously, slowly bringing them rest over hers causing her breath to hitch at the contact. It had been so long since she had felt his touch. This time she didn't pull them away. His eyes met hers, asking permission silently, and she tilted her head forward slightly. He turned her hands and intertwined their fingers. She allowed his touch to anchor her, to soothe her as he continued to explain.

"Right after, I knew that I had made a mistake, but I was already too far in. I am so sorry, Emma. So, so sorry. You didn't deserve any of this." She looked down at their joined hands and exhaled slowly. He didn't skip a beat, lifting their hands to her chin and forced her eyes to meet his

Except that she did deserve it, at least some of it. She had been the one to leave him, to set this entire thing in motion. Not that he didn't share some of the blame, but she had a part in it, maybe several.

"She's not your girlfriend then? There was nothing there, nothing at all?" She could hear her heart beating in her chest as she waited for him to answer, her palms dampening with each passing second. She knew that he has told her this not even five minutes ago, but she needed to hear it once more just to put all of her fears to rest.

His eyes softened as he inclined his head slightly. "No." His voice was strong, determined to make her understand. Her breathing quickened as she waited for him to finish.

Releasing one of her hands, he raised his to cup her cheek. Instinctively, she pressed further into his palm. "She is not my girlfriend, Emma." She shut her eyes gently as his words washed over her and he lightly caressed her cheek. "She is  _nothing_  to me. I've been a mess without you. You, Emma Jones, you are  _everything_."

Her eyes snapped open in shock, a gasp escaping. His honesty rattled through her and her jaw opened slightly in disbelief. He squeezed the hand still intertwined with hers in reassurance and she felt herself swaying toward him.

 _You are everything._ Those words were her salvation. For so long she had felt like she was an afterthought for Killian, someone he could get to when he was ready, when he had time. It had been years since she had felt like he was an active participant in their marriage, since she felt like she was important.

Now, in the living room of the house they owned together, she realized how much he  _did_  love her, how important she was to him. It was refreshing, it was enlightening. It felt like her heart could burst for her chest. He loved her and she loved him. The lightness in her chest was euphoric, it was something she hadn't felt in some time. She wanted to keep that feeling, to latch on and never let it go.

Without thinking, she surged forward and slammed her lips on his. Wasting no time, his hands wove themselves in her hair and he pressed her backwards until her head rested on the arm of the couch. Warmth flooded her body as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. It was like a piece of her, that had been missing for so long, clicked into place.  _Home._ Kissing him was like coming home.

"Emma…" Her name was a breath on her skin as he pulled away. Hovering over her, he paused a moment his eyes full of lust and want before searching her face. She looked at him and bit her lip. His almost too long hair flopped onto his forehead. One of his hands cradled the back of her head while the other rested on her hip. His breathing was quick, his chest rose and fell from the effects of kissing her for the first time in months. His wide eyes bore into hers asking silent permission.

She knew that at the slightest indication from her, he would back off. Her heart thumped wildly, while her stomach fluttered. There were so many things she had been unsure of in the last several months, but this was not one of them. Her nod was all he needed before his lips were back on hers in a bruising kiss.

Her hands wound around his neck as his lips slide from her mouth over her soft skin, nibbling gently on the way to her throat. His hands were everywhere, her hips, her hair, caressing her arms. Her eyes fluttered close as she relaxed at the feel of him.

A breathless sigh escaped her as she ran her fingertips lightly down his throat, over his chest, and up under his shirt to caress his stomach. He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. Grounding his hips into her, she could feel him through his jeans. Her body trembled at the feeling of him against her, loving how perfectly they fit together.

His fingertips danced along the hem of her shirt before closing around it, tugging lightly upwards. Her arms lift immediately as she pulls up from the couch, helping him undress her. A moment later her shirt landed in a heap on the floor. His movements still for a moment as he takes in the sight before him. His gaze made her stomach tie in knots, her need to feel him moving against her, with her, growing strong. He leaned back over, nuzzling his nose against her breast and breathing her in. Closing his eyes, he let out a moan. She felt her body tighten in response, she knew that moan. She isn't surprised when his arms circle around and pull her up with him.

"I'll not having our first time together after all this fucking time on the bloody couch, love. I need you in our bed." He was breathless, eyes clouded in hunger and need. Burying his head in her neck, he bit down. "Now." His words were fierce, full of his need to get her to their room as soon as possible.

She was speechless, nodding her head in agreement. All she could hear was him calling her love once again. Looping her arms around his neck, she kissed him deeply. With his hands gripping her hips, he guided her toward the stairs.

After making three pit stops in the hallway they finally made it to their bedroom. Without bothering to turn on the lights, they stumbled into their bed and lost themselves in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. This chapter is very personal to me because I have a friend who went through the same thing Emma did, and I can no longer have children either. Went I set out to write this story the one thing I wanted to do was make it realistic. I hope I have done that.
> 
> Never fear though. We are only just halfway through the story. I have 15 chapters planned out.


	9. Chapter 8 - Both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie for beta'ing. And to o-u-a-timer for the endless hours she spends with me on this.
> 
> As if the last chapter wasn't a doozy...there is this one. There is some fluff and then there is not. I hope you all like it.
> 
> This one changes POV throughout so pay attention! :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Three Months Ago_

_Killian resisted the urge to spin in his chair for likely the hundredth time during the interview. Really, it was their fault. Who the hell gave him a rolly spinny chair anyway, they should've known that the first thing he would want to do was spin it. His foot tapped relentlessly under the desk as he tried to pay attention to what the radio host was saying. The truth of the matter was he was bored out of his bloody mind._

_He hated radio interviews. He had to sit, talk into a mic, and take calls from listeners. He would rather being doing anything else, like perhaps writing songs for the new album._

" _So, Killian, tell us what is up next for The Dashing Rapscallions?" The female host, Zelena, asked him from across the small sound room._

_Killian rolled his neck and tried not to sigh. They knew what was up next, but they had to ask. It seemed like every interview he was in lately asked the exact same questions, not that it was their fault. He was doing promo for the tour and upcoming album, so it was expected._

" _Well, lass, we leave for our tour in three days. Then, of course, once we return from the tour we'll be back in the studio finishing up the new album. We are hoping to add some European shows during the winter months, as well."_

" _Wow. You guys are really busy. Any hints as to what the new album is going to sound like?" Zelena smirked at him from across the room._

_Killian laughed into the mic. "Now, why would I tell you that? I will say that I am just in the writing stages. The boys haven't even seen any of the drafts."_

" _So you do all of the writing then?" Walsh, Zelena's partner, broke in._

" _Aye." Killian nodded his head. "Once I get the songs written, we sit as a band and write the music for them."_

_Gold, the show's producer, tapped the glass partition and indicated it was time for a commercial break. Zelena nodded her head and turned back to the mic._

" _Alright, my pretties, we'll be back after a short break and continue our discussion with the ever lovely, Killian Jones." Zelena hit the "off the air" button and took a deep breath._

_The booth was plunged into silence, giving Killian the opportunity to breathe for a moment. He looked at the clock. It was just now almost five in the evening. He should only be here for another half of an hour at most, then he could go back to the studio and bury himself in writing. He really wanted to get a few more songs done before the tour started. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Gold walk into the booth and hand Zelena a piece of paper before whispering in her ear. She glanced over to Killian, eyes wide, and nodded her head to him._

_The light over the studio lit up as it counted down 3, 2, 1, and then 'On Air.' Zelena swiveled her chair back to the mic before hitting the button to turn it on._

" _Welcome back, my pretties. You are listening to KZB 107.7 The Envy and we are here with the handsome lead singer of The Dashing Rapscallions, Killian Jones." Zelena lifted her hand to indicate for Killian to speak after she finished the standard radio intro._

" _Evening, everyone! Glad to be here!" He leaned onto his hands resting on the table._

" _Well, Killian, it's time for some personal questions, like say... your newly single status. I bet all of the fangirls are just jumping from the news." Zelena's eyes stared intently across the room at him._

_Killian's face tilted in confusion, eyebrows furrowing. What the bloody hell was this woman talking about? He wasn't single, he hadn't been for quite some time. He was very happily married. He shook his head, they must be confusing him with Will. Returning Zelena's gaze, Killian leaned into the mic._

" _Sorry. I'm not sure I follow. I am very much involved, I've been married for eight years. Maybe you're thinking of Will, he can't stay with a woman to save his life." He sat back in his chair trying to make a joke of the question._

_Zelena shook her head, her red hair lifting from the motion, and pulled a piece of paper off the desk. "No, it says right here." She turned the paper around and he squinted his eyes to try to read it. "Headline: 'Lead Singer of The Dashing Rapscallions, Killian Jones' Wife Files for Divorce.' It was written this morning." She handed the paper over to Walsh, who handed it to him._

_His eyes scanned the article, written by The Los Angeles Times, and he felt all the air go out of his lungs. Zelena wasn't lying. Right there in big, bold print was the headline she'd read off. Under, a grainy picture of Emma walking out of the courthouse. It was indeed dated this morning as well._

_His mouth opened slightly in shock, eyes drifting from the article to scan the room. Every set of eyes in the booth was trained on him waiting for an explanation, a comment, anything. Zelena, for her part, continued to fire questions in his direction while he tried to process what was happening. His breathing quickened, hands clenching into fists on the table. His face wrinkled in confusion as he looked back to the article._

_No, this...this had to be some kind of joke. Emma wouldn't… . He stood stiffly, the chair rolling to hit the wall._

" _I'm…" his voice was hollow as the words caught in his throat. He backed away from the table with both hands up, trembling. "Apologies… I…" He turned quickly, tripping over the chair behind him. Catching himself on the wall, he straightened the chair and moved toward the door. "I need… I need to go."_

_He barely heard Zelana call out to him as he made his way down the hallway. Her voice was followed quickly by Gold's, but he kept moving. Emma. He needed to get to her, needed her to explain, to tell him that this was all a hoax. Something. Anything._

_His hands slammed into the front door of the radio station so hard the glass rattled. Striding purposefully across the asphalt, he made it to his car in seconds. Flinging the door open, he threw himself into the leather seat and slammed the door behind him. His heart beat rapidly, stomach twisting violently. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he dialed Emma. After one ring it went straight to voicemail._

Hello. You've reached Emma…

_His thumb hit the end call button before dialing again. This time it went straight to voicemail. The phone dropped from his hand into his lap. Hand curling into a fist, he hurled it at the steering wheel once, twice, and finally a third time. Where the fuck was she? Didn't she realize he needed to talk to her?_

_He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. Running his hand through his hair, he tried to remember the last time he had spoken to her. It had been a couple of days, at least. No, wait… his eyes narrowed as he tried to remember. She had called the other day. That was...three days ago. She'd called a couple of times that day, but he couldn't remember the exact number. He hadn't answered because he'd been busy working on the album, trying to get some songs finished up. Before that it had been… He shook his head. The weekend, it had been that previous weekend, so…. He counted off the days in his head. Four days. The last time they had talked had been four days before she tried calling. Which meant..._

_He ran his hand over his face, scratching his stubbled chin. Seven days. They hadn't talked in seven days. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Really, it wasn't that uncommon for them to go that long without talking. His schedule was hectic and sometimes he simply couldn't call her, or return her calls for that matter. He put the key into the ignition and turned the car on. This all had to be a mistake. He and Emma had been together for ten years, married for eight. There was no indication that she'd been unhappy, that she wanted to leave. He put the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot._

_Storybrooke was only six hours away. He would go home and figure this mess out. The reporters were wrong. They didn't know Emma like he did, didn't know how important they were to each other._

_Emma loved him, just as he loved her. He merged the car onto the highway. This was all a big misunderstanding, it had to be._

* * *

 

Thunder sounded through the window, startling Emma awake. Her eyes searched the room frantically until she remembered where she was. Killian's front was to her back, his arm curled around her abdomen agitating her incision. Her body stiffened. It was pure luck that they had been too wrapped up in each other to turn on the bedroom lights, otherwise he would have definitely noticed the six inch incision.

It wasn't like she was intentionally trying to keep it from him. She wanted to tell him, she did, but it was still hard for her to think about, let alone talk about. It had only been six weeks ago. She closed her eyes to fight back the tears. It had only been six weeks since she'd found out she could no longer have children, since she found out she would never be a mother to her own child. Her heart twisted, a sob caught in her throat. It still hurt. Some days it hurt so bad she felt like she was suffocating, like there was a knife in her gut and someone was turning it slowly.

On those days, she was lucky if she made it into work, if she made it out of bed at all. She would spend the day lost in the what-could-have-beens, in her visions of what they had planned  _together_. It was on those particular days that being away from Killian was the hardest. Removing his arm from her waist gently, she placed it slightly under her bare breasts and released an agonized sigh. Sometimes she wished she would've just told him, told him that the possibility of them sharing a child together was gone. But she didn't and now… she couldn't. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Being a father was something Killian had always wanted and she'd taken that away from him.

Rotating in Killian's arms until she faced him, she buried her face further into his bare chest. His arms tightened around her instinctively as he lightly kissed the top of her head. Panic shot through her. She didn't want to face him like this, not when she was fighting off tears. There would be no way to avoid telling him if he saw her like this.

Biting her lip to keep the tears at bay, she waited patiently until his breathing evened before tilting her head to look at him. His face was relaxed in peaceful a slumber, a small smile on his lips. Her hand came up to brush the hair out of his eyes and he leaned into her touch, mumbling her name. She missed him so so much. It was hard to put into words just how much. Carefully she leaned up and kissed his chin. He let out a small sigh in response and warmth spread throughout her.

Being back in his arms was everything she'd wished for, everything she wanted. Her body craved his touch, his laugh, him. Snuggling into him deeper, she marveled at how complete she felt, at how much she loved him. He was her other half, the piece she had been missing for so long.

She took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. The smell was uniquely Killian. More than anything he smelled like...home. How did she ever think she would be able to live without him? Filing for divorce had been a hasty decision. She knew that now. She should have talked to him, explained what she'd went though. She should have given him the chance to understand.

She'd just been so angry at him for never being there, at herself for allowing them to drift apart, and at the world for taking something so precious from her. She was still angry, but being with Killian again had healed her in a way she hadn't expected, in a way that she  _needed._

They needed to talk, really talk, about everything. There was no doubt in her mind that Killian at least knew their relationship had issues. Why would she had left otherwise? Tomorrow they could sit down and figure out where they needed to go from here. If there was any place to go.

Her hand came up to cup his cheek. She wanted to be with him, she did. They just had to figure out how to make it work, how to make them both happy. He was in a band, he had obligations that would take him from her. She would never ask him to give up his career, his dream, for their marriage. What kind of wife would she be if she did? But, she needed him to be more involved, to be her partner in this. There had to be a compromise.

Sighing, she placed her hand over his heart and closed her eyes trying to fall asleep once more. She could think about all of this later. They would talk tomorrow and work everything out. Tonight, right now, she just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being in his arms again.

* * *

 

A delightful thump slowly brought Killian out of sleep into the morning light. He was wrapped completely around Emma, around his wife. His head rested on her bare chest, the thump in his ear caused by her steady heartbeat. His arms rested across her stomach right under her breasts, their legs were in a tangled mess under the comforter. It was perfect. It was everything he'd been missing.

Emma's hands were interlaced in his hair, her breathing even underneath him. He'd woken up like this a million times before, but this time it was different. This time the feeling of her hands in his hair repaired the fracture in his heart. His mind relaxed and all of the torment he'd been through the last several months evaporated as if it were never there. Waking up wrapped around her was like a new beginning for him, for them. A new beginning that he thought he'd lost.

A grin formed on his face. But he hadn't lost it after all, it had just been sitting there waiting for him to seize it. All this time, all this heartache, and all he had to do was make her talk to him. If he'd known that, he would have stayed that first day at Ruby's. Then, all of this pain could have been avoided. He could have enjoyed his time on tour, been able to hang out with his mates, instead of wallowing the entire three months. He could have been happy, like he was right now.

His heart fluttered as he shifted his head to look at Emma. She seemed at peace, so different from the woman he encountered at the Nolan's yesterday. Gently, he kissed the bare skin of the underside of her breast, goosebumps formed on her skin. He wanted her to wake up, to share in his bliss with him. He shifted so he could press another kiss in the space between her breasts and he felt her stir beneath him. A groan escaped his lips and he closed his eyes. Her skin tasted heavenly, it was intoxicating. Placing his hands on the bed next to her head, he moved his body fully a top of hers. Leaning his head down, he trailed open mouth kisses from the base of her throat to just behind her ear. When her hands untangled from his hair and moved to rest on his shoulders, he knew his mission had been a success.

"Killian, what are you doing?" Her voice was rough with sleep as she rubbed her eyes.

His body stilled at the sound of her voice before he shoved both arms around her and crushed her body to his. Emma let out a surprised yelp, then wrapped her arms around him. Her fingertips danced patterns into his back as he buried his nose in her hair. Bloody hell, he never wanted to leave her arms. He would gladly stay here for a lifetime if she would let him. Emma seemed happy to just let him have his moment, to let him bask in the feeling of her. Pulling back he placed his forehead against hers and let out a deep exhale. Her eyes were closed, as if she were just savoring the quiet moment with him in their bedroom, in their home. A soft smile graced her lips. He waited patiently, grinning from ear to ear, for her eyes to open and meet his gaze. When she did, his breath caught in his throat. Her eyes were twinkling with warmth, they were full of a contentment he hadn't seen there in some time maybe since before she'd left him. It was refreshing, seeing her so open and happy. He missed this, missed her.

"Killian." Her hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He was in awe of the beautiful woman woman before him. Rendered entirely speechless, even. He almost couldn't wrap his mind around that fact that she was really here, that she was really in his arms. He kissed her forehead before continuing down the side of her face. She arched into him, lightly groaning.

"Killian." She whimpered, lightly as his mouth closed around her ear.

"Hmm." He couldn't stop tasting her, it reminded him that this was real. That it was truly happening.

"What…" She was breathless as she tried to form the words, fingers scraped down his back and sides. "What… what are you...doing."

Pulling back, a goofy grin formed on his face. "Well, love, seems I am attempting to wake up my wife. How successful has my endeavor been?"

He watched as a full blown smile broke out on her face, a giggle following seconds later.

"I think you are doing just fine, Mr. Jones." She pressed her forehead to his, closing her eyes.

It felt as though his heart would burst from all of the merriment that surrounded them. He pressed her further into the mattress, lips finding hers in a deep kiss. One she wholeheartedly returned.

"God, Emma. I've missed you so much." Eyes shut, he mumbled the words into her lips as the kiss ends. "So much. I can't believe you're here."

Moving her hands from his neck, she gripped the sides of his face and looked him directly in the eyes. "Hush, Killian. I'm here. Right here with you, right where I belong."

His heart soared. She knew this was where she belonged and she wanted to be here as much as he wanted her here. In that moment, he wanted it all back. He wanted her and their love and the life that they'd built together. He wanted to go back to how things were before and he wanted to do it as quickly as possible.

"Tell me, love." He pushed an errant section of hair behind her ears. "When do you wish to retrieve your items from Ruby's? Today...tomorrow? I am at your disposal." She bit her lip, features creasing in confusion.

"Killian… I…" She pushed her hand gently against his chest, rising inch by inch. Fumbling, he moved off of her until they both sat across from each other in the middle of the bed.

The blanket was wrapped around her body, covering her from him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He could tell she wanted to say something. Her mouth opened to speak and then closed again. Her gaze diverted to the bed and Killian felt his chest tighten. It hadn't occurred to him that maybe she wasn't ready to move so quickly, maybe she needed time to adjust to being back with him.

Reaching forward he pulled her hands into his, when their eyes met he could see that hers were clouded with uncertainty. Suddenly, he had the need to soothe her, to make her comfortable again.

"Love, we can wait. I've two weeks before I must leave to complete the album. We can retrieve your belongings at any point in those two weeks. Until then, we can focus our efforts on each other." He squeezed her hands in what he hoped felt like comfort.

She tilted her head slightly. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she mulled over his words. Removing one of her hands from his, she ran it through her long locks before meeting his eyes.

"If…" Her voice was soft, questioning. She bit her lip in an attempt to find the right words. "If you're leaving again in two weeks. When will you be back?"

Killian fidgeted in the bed. She'd hadn't asked him how long he'd be gone in years. She was always content to just let him come and go as he pleased.

"I wish I could tell you, love." He watched as she huffed and diverted her gaze, head nodding slowly. He lifted his free hand to her chin and raised her head so she was looking at him. "You know you are always welcome to join me, love. The boys would love to have you...as would I."

His fingers traveled from her chin to gently stroke her cheek. She reached up, removing his hand while shaking her head.

"Killian, that's just…" She took a deep breath before continuing. "I have to work. I can't just go to LA with you for an undisclosed amount of time." She closed her eyes when she finished and he can see tears in their corners.

This is not how he imagined this talk going. He'd no intention of making her cry, he just wanted her to understand that if she didn't want to be away from him, she was always welcome where he arms shot out and pulled her into his lap. She came willingly, folding herself to fit against his chest.

"Shh." He whispered into her hair. "I know, Emma. We'll figure it out. Like we always have." He felt her stiffen in his arms and assumes it is because she wished there was a way for them to always be together. He watched as she bit her lip, eyes narrowing before widening again. He tilted his head to try to get her attention, but she seemed lost in thought so he lets her be. A moment later, her body relaxed, head turning toward him with determined eyes.

"Okay." Her voice is a whisper, but her words strong. "We'll figure something out. We'll make it work." She is smiling as she leaned up and kissed his nose.

He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. The tension in him disappeared the longer she looked up at him grinning. In a quick decision, he let his body fall back to the bed and takes her with him. Landing with his head on the pillow, Emma positioned herself at his side with her head against his chest. His arm snaked around her waist, holding her in place.

They are silent for a moment, his mind wandering. Emma's eyes have fallen closed, her breathing beginning to even. The position they are in reminded of a day not too long ago, one where they talked all morning about their future, a morning where they made plans. Plans that were eventually put off and forgotten. Plans of a child, of a little boy with chestnut hair and green eyes or a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.

He'd had a lot of time to think about their marriage in the last three months, a lot of time to wonder where things had went wrong. In fact, their relationship had been the only thing on his mind. He'd almost lost her, lost his wife. Losing her would mean losing those dreams, losing the possibility of having a child with the woman he loved more than life itself. Perhaps now was the time to seize the moment, to make their dreams a reality.

"Emma." He shifted his shoulder to get her attention. "Emma, love…"

"Hmm." Her eyes were still closed, but at least she hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"Wake, Emma. There's something I'd like to discuss with you." He shifted his shoulder again, only stopping when her eyes opened and she look at him.

"I'm awake. What is it?" She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain.

"You know, love, I've a lot of time to think about the two of us lately. What do you say to trying to have a family?" Her eyes widened, features shifting from relaxed to shocked. Her mouth opened slightly as if she couldn't believe the words he'd just spoken, which why should she...he'd put this off for so long. She pulled herself back upright, eyes blinking several times.

"Killian, I…" She holds her hand up as the words died on her tongue.

Bloody hell. He's overwhelmed her. She thinks he meant right this second and that is not what he meant at all. No, he needed to sort out the album first, then maybe after.

"Not now of course." He tried to calm her. "It'll have to wait until the work with the album is complete, but I want to have a child with you Emma."

The color drained from her face, her features hardening. It's startling to him, how quickly she changed from confused to angry.

"Emma? What's the matter, love?" He tried to keep his voice steady, but it came out wobbly.

Shaking her head roughly, she yanked her hands from his grasp with a force that startled him. But she stayed silent, giving him no indication as to what was going on.

"Emma?" His words are again met with silence, so he reaches for her.

She moved quickly out of his reach before she scrambled out of bed. With her back toward him she began to dress before his eyes.

His brow creased in confusion, stomach twisting unnaturally. What the bloody hell was going on? Where was she going? They were just… and she… He shook his head, tongue sweeping over his lips.

"Emma, please." He all but begs. "Please, talk to me."

She turned quickly, hair fanning out, dressed only in her jeans. His breath caught as he notices tears streaming down her cheeks. She held both hands up, palms out.

"I'm sorry. This was a mistake. A very big mistake. Nothing has changed.  _You_  haven't changed." She reached for her shirt on the floor and clenched it to her bare chest. Giving him one last look, she turned quickly and ran into the hallway.

* * *

 

"It'll have to wait until the work with the album is complete, but I want to have a child with you Emma." He is trying to calm her, but it is not working.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, she realized how big of a mistake she'd made. She felt her eyes narrow, face hardening. She'd let herself get so wrapped up in him, in his promises, in his words, that she hadn't even realized that nothing had changed. Nothing, not a single damn thing.

"Emma? What's the matter, love?" His words are shaky, like a confused little boy.

Shaking her head, she yanked her hands from his. How could she even explain what was going on? She had been shocked when he mentioned having children, but she had been willing to explain. If she wanted to make it work, then she needed to be open and honest. She knew that, which is why she decided she would tell him right then.

When he mentioned waiting, when he said that now was not the time, it was like someone had dumped ice water on her. He was going to leave. It would be the same cycle over and over. The same cycle she'd lived for the past three years. The same cycle that left him clueless to their problems and left her alone.

She wanted so badly to make things work, to be with him. She'd been willing to try, to give him the benefit of doubt. But what was the point if he refused to acknowledge that their relationship had even the slightest issue, what was the point if he was just going to put them back into the same situation they'd always been in? Frustrated tears fell from her eyes and she angrily swiped at them. Why couldn't he see that they hadn't really solved anything?

With her back toward him, no point in him seeing the scar now, she pulled on her underwear and jeans quickly. She couldn't find her shirt. She needed to find her shirt. She needed to leave this room, to get away from him, to get away from the mistake she made.

"Emma, please." He's whispering to her gently. "Please, talk to me."

He was desperate. She could hear it in his voice. He wanted her to explain, to tell him what was wrong. It always came back to her, it always had, and it always would. She wasn't ready to go into detail about why their relationship was broken, about how he didn't prioritize their marriage, about how she felt like he didn't care about her anymore, but he deserved to know something. Spinning around, her hands rose, palms out, as she backed away from the bed. She was still crying, frustrated with the events and with him.

"I'm sorry. This was a mistake. A very big mistake. Nothing has changed.  _You_ haven't changed."

She watched as his body physically flinched from her words, eyes widening in shock.

Her eyes drifted from his form to the floor, scanning for her shirt. Finding it, she bent over and pulled it to her chest. Her eyes met his and she could see nothing but despair and confusion swirling in their depths. Her heart shattered in her chest, but it doesn't stop her. She couldn't stay here.

Pivoting quickly, she launched herself into the hallway. She heard him call out to her again, but ignored it. All of their portraits were a blur as she all but ran down the hallway. Somehow she managed to get her shirt on before making it to the stairs. She almost tripped on the way down, but caught herself.

In the kitchen, she paused for a moment reaching into her purse. Pulling the divorce papers out, she placed them on the counter with trembling hands. He hadn't changed, just as she told him. He was still stuck in this little world where all of their problems were nonexistent, where one night together could solve everything. They hadn't even really talked, only discussing the mess with Tink. The fact that he assumed there was nothing else to discuss… She shook her head. Tink was only one very small issue, something that was current, that needed to be addressed right away before she even would listen to a word he said.

"EMMA!" Killian's voice rung out, prompting her to move. Grabbing her purse, she pulled her car keys out. She was so thankful for not allowing Killian to drive her. She is out the door and in her car in seconds.

Her car was rounding the bend of their driveway, when she saw the front door open. From the rearview mirror she saw Killian standing in the doorway. He was dressed only in his boxers. She forced herself to look away and at the driveway in front of her. The fact that he was able to ignore everything else, to pretend that all of the other reasons she'd filed for the divorce were not even there was the reason she left the papers for him. She refused to live in the same cycle for the rest of her life.

If he refused to put their relationship first, to put her first, to recognize that they had even one problem in their marriage, then divorce was her only option.

She may love him, she would always love him, but she was couldn't live that way any longer.


	10. Chapter 9 - Both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie are amaazing for beta'ing this. As always, HUGE thanks to o-u-a-timer for being my biggest cheerleader!
> 
> This chapter is still presented in both of their point of views, so watch for that. Here is the big reveal for Killian. I hope it lives up to what you had imagined.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews! They totally make my day!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

 

_Three and a Half Months Ago_

_Two days. Emma stood at the door to their bedroom, hospital paperwork in one hand while the other held an open bottle of wine and a glass. It had only been two days. Nudging the door open with her foot, she walked into the bedroom. Two days since her life, her entire existence, had been changed irrevocably. Sitting on the floor next to their bed, she curled her legs underneath her. Her blonde locks hit her face as she shook her head and poured the wine into the glass. Two days...and Killian still hadn't called her back._

_Not that she'd called him again. No, she was done chasing after him, done dropping hints, done. She took a sip of her wine and let it swirl in her mouth. She'd been supporting him for years. It was her that worked when the band was trying to make it, her that made sure their bills got paid. She was the one that toured with him for two years while she finished school, the one whose calls went unanswered when she finally had to stay home because of her career._

_She was the one that he forgot._

_Setting the wine glass down, she lifted the hospital paperwork with both hands. Tears flooded her vision. This...this was something he should be here for. It was something that affected both of them, affected their family, and still no call from him. No texts, nothing. It had been over a week since she'd last heard from him. Emma huffed and shook her head in disappointment. They hadn't been a family in some time, he hadn't cared in some time. Why would he start now?_

_Wiping her tears, she looked over to the photo on her bedside table. It was an old one, taken back in college, but it was her favorite. They didn't even know Ruby took the photo until she gave it to Emma. They both sat on a blanket, books spread out everywhere. They had been studying, or rather she had been studying. Killian, as the picture revealed, was too busy admiring her to be studying. Slowly, she trailed her thumb over his face. They had been so wrapped up in each other back then, almost never spending more than a day apart. She was his world, as he was hers, and they both knew it._

_How had things changed so drastically? Now, she was lucky if he was home long enough to stop missing him. She opened the drawer to her table, placing the picture inside. She didn't want to look at it, didn't want to be reminded of better days. She didn't want to think about how they had made plans, how they had hopes and dreams, dreams of a family._

_She looked down to the hospital paperwork on the floor, face contorting in agony. Dreams that were now gone. She noticed her hand resting over her incision. She could never have children. There, she admitted it. Her eyes shut as more tears began to fall. There were no words to describe what she was feeling, to describe the loss of potential children. Taking the paper, she shoved it into the open drawer of her table and slammed it closed._

_It felt like her throat was closing up, like the walls were closing in on her. Wine glass forgotten, she climbed into their bed and curled around herself. Her heart hammered in her chest. She could feel the despair rising and she was helpless to stop it, helpless to save herself. She needed Killian, needed his comforting arms, his soothing voice telling her they would make it through this, and he wouldn't even call her back._

_Her body racked with sobs. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't be this person anymore. His career was important to him and she couldn't ask him to give it up, but she couldn't sit around and wait for him to realize she was a priority._

_This was it, this was her breaking point. She'd lost something huge and he didn't care. Well, that was fine, he didn't have to._

_She had taken care over herself before and she could do it again. She would do it again._

_Besides, she had been alone in this relationship for awhile._

_Now, she would just making it official._

* * *

 

Killian's hand ran up his face to rub his eyes before finally pinching the bridge of his nose. To the right of him the divorce papers lie on Emma's bedside table. The divorce papers that she had left for him two days ago. The divorce papers that she had signed. His eyes narrowed the longer he stared at them. He knew what she expected him to do, knew that he was supposed to sign them, but he couldn't.

His elbows dug into his thighs as he rested his head in his hands. Two days ago, he'd woken up with Emma in his arms, his head on her chest. They'd made love the night before. He'd been happy, so very very happy.

His hands curled in his hair and he tugged, hard, but barely felt any pain. No, he just felt numb. It was a feeling he was used to, a feeling he had felt for three months. How the bloody hell did this happen? She was right fucking here and he'd let her slip through his fingers. He let her go. He was a sodding moron. To make matters worse, he still didn't know what was wrong. So he didn't know how to fix it, how to fix them.

He wanted a drink, but he couldn't bring himself to get one. Dave had been right. Rum didn't solve anything. His problems were still here and they were worse than ever before. He shook his head, hands still buried in his hair. Emma hadn't returned any of his calls since she'd left, there was no contact at all. His hands fell limply to his sides. How did he get to this place, this place where his wife wouldn't talk to him, this place where she would rather run from him than to him?

He remembered her face before she walked out on him for the second time, the tears that glistened her cheeks, the pain and anger in her eyes, the way she held her palms up as she backed away from him. His eyes slammed shut, her words swirling in his head.  _You haven't changed._

Standing stiffy, he paced around the room. It was him, there was no denying that now. She all but confirmed that he was the reason she'd left, the reason she was ready to end their marriage. He just didn't under…. What the fuck did he do? He rubbed his forehead in frustration, still pacing the room. He wanted to fix this. Despite everything that happened over the last three months, he loved his wife and wanted to fix their problems.

He stopped for a moment and stared at the mirror on the wall. Dull, lifeless eyes stared back. He couldn't even recognize himself. His hair was so long it fell into his eyes, the stubble he normally kept on his chin had grown into a full blown beard. There were dark circles under his eyes. He looked defeated and exhausted. He looked a bloody mess.

Not only did he look horrible, he  _felt_  horrible. He felt nothing like the Killian Jones he knew he was, felt nothing like the confident man who had won Emma's heart in college. He was weak and uncertain, traits he never would associate with himself before. He'd felt this way since Emma left.

It always came back to Emma. Ever since he met her, she'd tilted his world on its axis and now that she'd left… she took his world with him. It was like he couldn't see or think straight since she's left. But it hadn't always been like this, not too long ago they were happy. They were in love.

He turned from the mirror and strode purposely to Emma's bedside table. There was a time when she was his world and he was hers. His eyes scanned the table. Where was the photo? She always kept it right here, so it could be close to her. He needed it now more than ever, he needed a reminder that they were happy, that for awhile he had everything he ever wanted. His hand ran down the side of the table to make sure it hadn't fallen over. It wasn't there and he felt panic rise in his throat. She took it, just like she took their wedding album. Took it and left her ring.

Legs giving out, he crumpled to the ground. His hands gripped the edge of the bedside table, head rested on the edge. His eyes closed in anguish. Of course she would take her favorite picture, he shouldn't be surprised. His eyes opened slowly and connected with the handle to the drawer. Maybe… his hand slowly opened the drawer. Maybe she'd hidden it away in an attempt to keep it out of sight. If she had, it would be right on top. His eyes searched frantically for the photo, but it wasn't there. His fingers slid across the yellow paper that covered the contents of the drawer. His eyes narrowed. The picture frame hadn't been the last thing she'd placed in the drawer. His hand lifted the single sheet of paper, it was this. His breath hitched as his eyes scanned the paper quickly.

_Storybrooke General Hospital_

_Date: 25 May 2015_

_Patient Name: Jones, Emma_

_Patient Age: 28 years_

Pulling the paper out, he sits on the carpet next to the bed. HIs heart beats wildly in his chest. Emma was in the hospital? She never gets sick and she never goes to the hospital. She hates hospitals, has since she was little. Why didn't she call him, if she were in the hospital? His eyes scanned the page further.

_Patient Symptoms Include: Severe abdominal pain, Fever over 100℉, Nausea, Vomiting._

_Patient Admitted at: 4:00 am_

_Patient Diagnosis: Multiple Ovarian Cysts present on both ovaries. One cyst on each ovary presented highly inflamed. Internal bleeding due to ruptured cysts._

_Procedures performed: Abdominal Laparotomy with and emergency Double Oophorectomy (removal of both ovaries)._

The paper fell from his hand to land on his outstretched legs, stomach twisted in knots.  _Removal of both ovaries_. How… His hands started to tremble.  _Removal._   _of. both. ovaries._ He shook his head. No. This….this couldn't be real. It couldn't be happening, not to them. It had to be a mistake. There was no way that something like this could have happened without Emma contacting him, without her calling.

His eyes darted to the date on the paper. May 25. May 25, that was...his mind struggled to remember. Wait, that was three days before she left him. Three days before the bloody interview, three days before he drove home to find her leaving. He remembered sitting in his car in the parking lot of the radio station trying to figure out if her leaving was a joke, trying to remember when….

His eyes widened, mouth dropping open.  _Fuck._ His head fell back to hit the bed, eyes slamming shut. He remembered the day she left with perfect clarity, remembered being in the car trying to think of the last time he'd talked to her. Remembered thinking that it had been seven days since they talked, but only three since the had tried to call him.  _Three bloody days._

She had called. She had called him three times.  _Three fucking times._  He'd been too busy doing whatever it was that he was doing, too busy to answer his wife, too busy to call her back. His hands fisted in his hair again. He wasn't a moron, he was a bloody fool. He knew in that moment that there was no mistake, that the paper wasn't lying. He ran his hand through his hair. Emma couldn't have children. He could feel his face flush in anger. He would never have a child with the woman he loved. He would never sing their child to sleep at night as Emma watched from the doorway. Tears formed in his eyes. He'd wanted to write lullabies for his child, wanted to teach it to play guitar, to read music. None of that would ever happen.

He slammed his palm into the floor. What had they done to deserve such a loss, to deserve having something so precious stolen from them? His chest heaved while his heart thumped rapidly. Nothing. They didn't deserve any of this. His shoulders sagged. He would never have a family with Emma, never have a child that was half him and half her. He would never be a father to Emma's child...and Emma would never be a mother.

Suddenly, all of the anger fled his body and he felt numb. Emma. He had lost so so much, but Emma had lost everything. He knew she wanted children, knew she wanted to be a mother, but that could never happen. He should've been there. All this time, all these months and she'd been alone in her pain, alone in her agony.

It was his job to protect her, to be there when she needed him, and he wasn't. His head lifted as he realized with a startling clarity that he never was there. He spent weeks in LA without talking to her. His mind flooded with every phone call he ignored, every voicemail where Emma said she missed him, every time she'd asked him to stay just a little bit longer. His hands curled into fists, knuckles white. How many times had she mentioned he was gone too much, mentioned that she wished he could write from home, mentioned that she wished she could go with him?

His fists slammed into his legs. He'd ignored her every bloody time because she wasn't mad, because she'd said it so casually, because he loved what he did. But that was how Emma was...she didn't beg. She would never ask him to give it up because it made him happy. He wasn't a fool either. No, he was a failure.

He'd failed her, he'd failed as a husband, he'd failed. She couldn't have children and he'd ignored her, he'd ignored her when she needed him the most. That thought alone ripped his heart into two. All of the fight went out of him. It all made sense now. Why she was leaving him, why she left two days ago. This was all his fault and he refused to see it. He refused to see the bigger issues between them. He'd been blind for so long.

No more. He shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone. David's voice from the other day rang out in his mind.  _A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets._  He was prepared to fight with everything he had. He just hoped she would listen, hoped she would give him a chance. He deserved everything Emma was doing, every single thing, and if at the end their discussion she still wanted to leave… he wouldn't stop her. He owed her that much.

But he was getting ahead of himself. First, he needed to get Emma to talk to him.

He needed to call Jefferson, he needed to call his lawyer.

* * *

 

Sighing, Emma placed the folded shirt at the top of the pile. She needed to start thinking about getting her own place. She'd been putting it off since the beginning, holding onto the hope that somehow someway her and Killian would be able to work everything out. She'd hoped that they would be happy again.

The irony wasn't lost on her. She was well aware that it was she who'd left him, both times. Just as she was very much aware that if she would just go to the house and talk to him, he'd take her back without a moment's hesitation. But nothing would have changed and that, that was the problem.

If their night together proved anything, it was that Killian still had no grasp over what was ailing their marriage. He had no idea that she was unhappy, despite the many times she'd mentioned it it him. He thought their issues were so small, so meaningless that they could be solved just by simply being in each other's arms again. But they couldn't, just as she couldn't be held responsible for explaining all of this to Killian.

Running her hand through her hair, Emma reached for the next shirt in the pile to fold. She'd spent the last three years trying to make their issues known to him, trying to make him see their problems. All of her efforts fell on deaf ears, on forehead kisses and promises of talking later, on phone calls never returned and half-assed apologies. It was the same cycle over and over again, a cycle that she couldn't live in anymore.

His words the other morning solidified that for her. It was like an awakening that she never really wanted, but received nonetheless. She had been upset then, upset and a little disappointed. Waking up with his body wrapped around hers had been a lot of things. It was refreshing, fulfilling, but mostly it felt like coming home. His words of moving back in scared her, but she had been willing to try. As soon as he mentioned working on the album, mentioned having a child but only after all of these other more important things, she knew. She knew that he would continue not making their relationship a priority. Like she said, same cycle over and over.

She grabbed the pile of folded clothes and walked to the dresser to put them away. They hadn't even talked about her inability to have children and how that would affect their family, how it had affected her. He didn't know that there was this emptiness inside her, this feeling of being a failure, that threatened to overtake her daily. He had no idea that she cried herself to sleep nightly, that she kept picturing the potential children that she'd never have, or that she wondered if she would ever feel whole again. He knew nothing and now, now he would never know.

Her cellphone ringing from the living room drew her from her dark thoughts. Abandoning the clothes on the dresser, she turned to walk down the hallway into the living room. Checking the number, Killian had taken up calling over and over again, and realizing it was her lawyer, she answered the phone.

"Hello." She cradled the phone between her head and shoulder before lifting a blanket off the couch to fold it.

"Mrs. Jones? It's Leroy Grouch. I have a matter of some importance to discuss with you."

"Okay. What's going on? I left the papers for Killian to sign two days ago. Did he turn them in?" She placed the folded blanket on the back of the couch and reached to pick up the empty popcorn bowl from the table.

"That is actually why I am calling. I've just hung up with Mr. Jones' lawyer and well, he said he'd sign the papers on one condition...that you meet with him. He doesn't care where or when, you name the place. He also said that if you wanted, both of your lawyers could be present." The air rushed out of her lungs, bowl falling back to the table. Numbly, she sat on the couch.

"How… I mean, can he do that?" Her voice shook as she talked, indicating her disbelief.

"That's the issue, ma'am. By law he cannot force you to see him, but on the same token we cannot force him to sign." His voice was matter of fact and left no room for discussion.

"So what are my options then?" She ran her hand through her hair.

"There are a couple of things we can do. We can file a petition with the judge to have the divorce to proceed in default, but we cannot do that until thirty days after he has been served." Thirty days. She'd already waited three months to give him the damn papers. "We can wait him out and hope he changes his mind." She shook her head, lips forming a thin line. That wasn't going to happen. "Or you can meet with him."

Frustrated tears formed in the corner of her eyes. "So really, my options are to meet with him or wait another month?"

Over the line she could hear Leroy sigh. "Yes. Those are your options."

The weight of his words fell over her. Why was Killian doing this? What did it matter if they saw each other again? It wasn't like their last meeting went so amazingly, with her running out on him again. What did he hope to accomplish? Her eyes hardened. It didn't matter, her mind was made up either way. There was nothing he could say to change it.

She ran her hand over her face in exasperation. "Okay. Tell him I will meet with him. Tomorrow, the sooner the better, say around noon. At the bench by the pond. He'll know what I am talking about."

"Okay and would you like me present?"

Emma toyed with the idea for a moment before rejecting it. She wasn't in any danger. Killian would never hurt her. She was a big girl, she could face her husband one last time. This needed to be left between her and Killian.

"No, Leroy. Thank you, but I better do this on my own." She leaned back on the couch until her back hit the cushions.

"Okay, Mrs. Jones. Please keep me informed."

"Thank you and I will." She hung up the phone and threw it on the couch next to her.

She just wanted this finished and if meeting with Killian was what it took, well then that is what she would do.

Like she said, it wasn't like he could say anything to change her mind anyway.

* * *

 

His phone was ringing. He could hear it from his place in the bathroom. His face was covered in shaving cream as he attempted to tame the monster that he'd allowed to grow on his chin and cheeks. His chest was still warm from the shower he'd just finished, the shower that he'd sorely needed.

He turned quickly, dashing into their bedroom to answer the call. It could be any number of people, but he hoped that it was the call he'd been waiting on, the one that his future rested on. Without checking the number, he pulled the phone to his ear.

"Ello." His voice was breathless as he spoke the word.

"Killian? Why does it sound like you've been running, mate?" Killian rolled his eyes at the sound of Jefferson's voice over the line.

Jefferson Hatter had been his lawyer since the band had made it big. The man was one of the best lawyers money could buy and a great friend. A little weird sometimes, but still a great friend.

"Perhaps because I ran to get the phone. Any news?" He didn't have it in him to wait for Jefferson to get the point, especially when it could take all night.

"I talked to her lawyer, the Leroy Grouch person you spoke of. Let him know your conditions. He said he would call Emma and get back with me..."

"That's it?" He interrupted. "Why did you even bother calling, mate? You could've texted me that much." His hand gripped the phone tightly as he sat on their bed.

"If you'd let me speak, Killian, I could explain that she agreed to meet with you. Tomorrow in fact."

He threw himself backwards to land on the bed. She'd said yes. Good. That was great. This is what he'd wanted. It meant there was hope for them, for him. She was open to hearing what he had to say. This...this was a good sign.

"Where? When?" His words scrambled out of his mouth.

"Calm down, Killian. Noon. She said a bench by the pond? Said you'd know where she was talking about."

He knew exactly where that was. It was the same place they'd spent countless hours at while still in school, the place they'd walked to on their first date, the first place he'd kissed her. Why would she pick that place? Hope fluttered in his chest, maybe he really did have a shot at fixing things.

"Thanks, Jefferson. I'll let you know how it goes." He hung up the phone without hearing Jefferson's answer.

His hand swiped through his still wet locks. He couldn't believe that she'd agreed so quickly, he thought there would at least be some delay, something. Especially now that he knew why she'd left him in the first place. He'd hurt her, hurt her in a way she never deserved, in a way he'd never wanted. He took the most important person in his life and forgot her. He let his fame, his loyalty to the band, his sodding manager dictate how he'd lead his life and in the process he'd almost lost her.

He stared at the photo on Emma's bedside table, the one that he finally found under the hospital paperwork. They were so happy then, so in love. He yearned to have that feeling back and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it back. Emma may have left him. He may have been alone all these months trying to figure out her reasons, but she had been alone for years. That was his fault and his alone. It was his fault he wasn't there to hold her when she found out she couldn't have children. He shook his head. No, not she...they. When she found out that  _they_  couldn't have children.

His hands clenched around the comforter. He should've been there, should've helped her through it. That was his job, he was her bloody husband and he let her go through that alone. He deserved more than her leaving him, so so much more. She deserved so much more than a man who'd lost sight of what was important, who'd continuously did not make his family a priority. But he loved her and he wanted to fix this, to show her that he could change, that he could be the man she deserved. He wanted to be the man she fell in love with, to be the man who fought for what mattered to him.

He would meet with Emma and tell her he knew, knew about everything. He would tell her that he was sorry, that he'd let their marriage take a backseat, that he knew his own actions had caused this.

He wanted to make things work, he wanted to make the necessary changes for her. Perhaps, they could try counseling to work on their problems. She had been through something horrible and, he knew, she was bottling it up inside. It's what she always did. Yes, a counselor would do them both some good. If he could get her to agree.

He was going to lay it all out on the line and hope she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her, but if she didn't…. his stomach turned at the thought. If she didn't, he would walk away and give her what she wanted. He'd messed this up royally and deserved to lose her if that was what she wanted.

But he hoped it didn't come to that. He hoped he still had a shot at fixing the mess he'd created.

His hands rubbed his eyes. Tomorrow, he would meet with Emma. Tomorrow he would fight with everything he had.

 


	11. Chapter 10 - Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie for being awesome betas. Also, to o-u-a-timer for just simply being an amazing person.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Next one should be up in about a week. I am crazy busy with the start of the school year.
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews! They make my day.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUaT or its characters.

_Ten Years Ago._

_Head tilted to the side, Emma Swan stared at herself in the mirror. A slight frown marred her face, her teeth bit her bottom lip. Thanks to Ruby's makeover skills, she looked like a completely different person. Her pale pink dress sat slightly off her shoulders, the fabric hugged her waist tightly before rippling out into a flowing skirt that hit right above her knees. The nude heels gave her legs a shapely look. Her hair fell in soft ringlets down her back. Ruby kept her make-up light, since the rest of the ensemble was such a change for Emma. She looked like a princess. Emma snorted, a hand rose to cover her mouth. A princess getting ready for a date with a guy who thought converses, Transformers shirts, and ripped jeans were appropriate for every occasion._

_Killian had asked her out two days ago. A smile came to her lips as she thought about it. They had been friends since meeting during her first day at Storybrooke University three months ago. He was her first real friend here, even before Ruby who ended up being her roommate. When they met up two days ago, they had plans to catch a movie before she joined him at his band's practice. Her joining him at practice had become almost a tradition for them. He'd practice while she studied, it worked for them and let them spend more time together._

_On this particular day, Killian had been antsy. He fidgeted through the entire movie, often looking in her direction before he sighed and returned his attention back to the screen. The whole ride to the house he shared with Will, Robin, and Smee was much of the same. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and switched the music a million times. When he missed the turn to his street, she'd finally had enough and asked him what was going on._

_He ignored her as he turned the car around and made his way to his house. It irritated her, but she said nothing. She wouldn't push, not when she hated having it done to her. When they finally reached his house, she didn't even wait for him to get her door before exiting the car and meeting him on the driveway. He stood there silent for a moment, hair flopping in the wind. She tried to focus on anything other than his face. She took in his Optimus Prime shirt, his signature ripped jeans and black converses. It hurt that he wouldn't tell her what was bothering him, he was her best friend and she wanted to help._

" _Emma." His voice drew her attention back to his face. "Since the day we met, I've wanted nothing more than to be a part of your life. Over the last three months, you have become the most important person to me and I was wondering…" He paused, shifting from one foot to the other. His hand scratched the skin behind his ear. "I was wondering if you would give me the honor of accompanying me on a date?"_

_It felt like the air was knocked from her lungs. Of all the things she thought he would say, this was the last. Sure, she was attracted to him, but he was her best friend. She didn't want to ruin that._

_Her head fell to the side, shaking slightly. "Killian, I don't…"_

" _I'm just asking for a chance, Swan." His whispered words interrupted._

_Her eyes met his and she knew. She knew that she wanted this as much, if not more, than he did. He may be her best friend, but he could be so much more. If only she would let her walls down and allow it to happen. It was time to take that chance._

" _Okay." A huge grin overtook her face as he surged forward and pulled her into his arms._

_The sound of Ruby entering the dorm pulled Emma from her thoughts. Turning toward her friend, she ran her hand down the dress._

" _I don't know, Ruby. Don't you think this is a little too dressed up for a date with Killian." Her hand fiddled with the fabric of the dress._

" _No, Emma Swan, I do not and if Killian knows what is good for him, he will show up here in something that is_ not  _a t-shirt." Ruby stepped forward and pulled Emma's hands from the fabric. "You look amazing. Thanks to me."_

_Emma rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at her friend causing Ruby to laugh. A knock on the door drew both of their eyes from each other. He was here, it was time. Emma nodded to herself before walking to the door and opening it._

_Her mouth dropped slightly as she took in the sight that was Killian Jones. His dark hair was artistically disheveled, a five o'clock shadow graced his cheeks and chin. He wore a black leather jacket over simple red button up, but the ripped jeans and converses remained. Quite frankly, he looked good enough to eat. His blue eyes met hers and she knew she'd made the right decision._

" _You look stunning, Swan." His words pulled her from her ogling._

" _You look…" There were no words to describe how hot he looked. The bastard._

" _I know." He stepped forward and handed her a single red rose. "Ready to go, love?"_

_She could only nod to his question, words still escaped her. Taking the rose, she brought it to her nose and inhaled, a coy smile gracing her lips. From behind her, Ruby whistled._

" _Wow, Jones, who knew you could clean up so well? Now…" Ruby rested her arm on Emma's shoulder. "I'm going to need you to have my girl back by curfew, am I clear?"_

_Emma's eyes widened as she stepped out of Ruby's embrace. Really, was she trying to make this awkward. Ruby wasn't her father, she didn't need to play the overprotective dad role._

" _Aye." Killian held his hand out for Emma to take, laughing. "Midnight m'lady. Not a moment later. You have my word."_

_Placing her hand in his, Emma shot her friend an annoyed glare before following Killian down the hall. A moment later, she heard Ruby's voice call from their dorm._

" _Have fun, children. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."_

_Emma's face turned beet red as she attempted to hide it in Killian's shoulder. She was going to kill Ruby when she got back._

_But first, she was going to enjoy her date._

* * *

 

His heart beat rapidly, hands shook at his sides. In front of him, Emma sat at the bench.  _No, not the bench - their bench, their special place._  Her back was to him, which was a good thing because he needed a moment. Okay, he needed several moments. Thankfully, he'd gotten here early.

This was his last chance, he knew that. He didn't want to live without her. He'd had a taste of it these last three months and he wouldn't survive if he had to do it forever. She was his happy ending, his one and only, his everything. He had to at least make an attempt to win her heart back, to make her see that he had changed. His mind went to the phone call he'd made this morning. He hoped it'd be enough.

He'd been so focused since she'd agreed to meet with him, on making sure he would be able to show her that he'd changed, that he was making her a priority. He hadn't realized how much seeing her would hurt him. It was devastating to look at her now, to know that his personal decisions had ripped them apart.

His hand patted the pocket holding the yellow paper. She had lost so much. No,  _they_  had lost so much because it was them. He could never have a child with another woman, couldn't imagine having a family with anyone other than Emma. Even if things didn't work out the way he'd hoped they would, this wouldn't change his mind. Emma was his family and now he would never have the pleasure of holding their child - a child that was half him and half Emma. A child with her eyes and his hair or, maybe, his eyes and her hair. Having a child was a dream they'd always shared and now, now it was gone and there was nothing he could do to restore it. There was nothing he could do to fix the hole in his heart, just as there was nothing he could do to fix the one he knew Emma had. Finding the hospital paperwork had been eye-opening for him. Their loss had been unexpected and unfair to the both of them.

From her place at the bench, Emma moved her head from one side to the other, likely looking for him. Even now, she was so unbearably strong. Running a trembling hand through his newly shorter locks, he propelled his body forward until he reached the bench. Her head shifted to meet his gaze.

"Can I sit?" He smiled awkwardly before gesturing to the bench.

Emma shrugged impassively. "It's your meeting." She turned her gaze back to the pond in front of them.

His stomach flopped. Even now, she was so unbearably strong. Stiffly, he sat beside her on the bench. He knew she was in pain and he knew she was trying to hide it. She couldn't hide it from him though. He could feel it, he could see it. Her shoulders were squared as her back straightened. She wasn't even leaning on the back of the bench. Her jaw was set as she stared ahead, hands rested in her lap. He let out a shuddered breath. Even her eyes, when she looked at him that brief moment, were hardened to hide what she was feeling.

"Why am I here, Killian?" Her voice was hollow, she was trying to keep all of her emotions in place.

He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, to comfort her in the only way he knew. He wanted to tell her that it was okay to be angry, to be upset. They'd had something valuable, something precious, stolen from them without cause or warning. He knew there were other options to have a child, to be a father, but the loss of one's own children was… it was something he didn't know if he'd ever really recover from. Yes, he understood her pain because he felt it too.

His hand rose to scratch the skin behind his ear. He needed to focus, to answer her question. They could talk about their loss if he was able to convince her to give him another chance, if he was able to convince her to take him back. "Erm, well, when you left the other morning you said nothing had changed. That I hadn't changed."

She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Because it hadn't, you hadn't."

He nodded silently to himself. She was right, of course. He'd made a right mess of things that morning, he knew he had. He'd deluded himself into assuming that everything was fixed, that they could just go back to the way things were before. Bloody hell, he'd suggested they try to have a baby. He remembered her uncertain look after he'd made the suggestion, a look he'd taken to mean that she wanted to wait until she'd adjusted to being with him again. He ran his hand through his hair.

But there was one thing she was wrong about...he had changed. Finding out why she'd left, what they'd lost, had ensured that. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the now familiar yellow paper, unfolding it on his lap.

"I wanted to meet with you to tell you that you were right." He could see her body flinch at his words, but he didn't stop. "You were right about everything." She inhaled sharply. "I hadn't changed, but now I have and it's because of this." He shook the paper in his hand gently. Her head whipped to meet his gaze before falling to the paper in his hand.

Her eyes darted back to his and he knew that she knew what he was holding. Her mouth fell open slightly. "How...how did you find that?"

He shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eyes on her. "I was looking for the photo you keep on the table. When I couldn't find it I looked in the drawer. This was on top."

He watched as she closed her eyes, face crumpling. Again, he resisted the urge to pull her to him because he didn't know how she would respond. Instead, he reached out and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. When she didn't shy away, he rejoiced.

"I'm so sorry, love. I should have been there. I should have known something was amiss when you called that day." She opened her eyes to meet his and his heart twisted at the pain he found reflecting back at him. "I've been a fool, a bloody moron. You went through this completely alone because I was too much of an arse to see that you needed me."

Emma swiped her eyes and glared at him. "I'm a big girl, Killian. I don't need a knight in Transformers shirts to save me."

He couldn't help the corner of his mouth from lifting slightly. It didn't surprise him that she was trying to play it off like it was nothing. It was what she always did when she was trying to be strong. She just needed to realize that she didn't need to be strong around him anymore, that he was going to support her through this if she would let him. They could heal, together.

"No you don't, love, but I still should have been there to hold you, to grieve with you…"

"Grieve?" She interrupted, eyes softening.

"Aye. Grieve. This may come as a shock to you, Emma, but I am anguished by the loss, too. Having a family was a dream we both shared, one that is now gone." He shut his eyes, jaw clenching. "And it's my fault." He whispered hoarsely.

Suddenly, he was wrapped in her arms. Her hands fisting the material of the back of his shirt. For one brief moment he allowed himself to savor the feeling and then she was gone, sitting back next to him, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"It's not your fault, Killian." She tried to sooth him, but he shook his head.

"It is, love. I may not be responsible for what happened medically, but I am responsible for not being there, for you feeling like you couldn't come to me. You felt like that because I never listened to you and I should've. I should have listened to you all those times you told me you missed me, all those times you told me you wanted me home. I should have made you a priority, Emma." Her eyes widened again, this time in shock. "I've left you alone for the past three years, but it stops now. You are the most important person in my life and I am willing to do whatever I need to do to make you realize that."

Reaching out, he pulled her hands into his. He hoped he was making himself clear to her. He wanted to fix this, fix them, if she would let him.

Her face shifted from shock to uncertainty, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to make sense of what he'd told her. He didn't want her to overanalyze what he was saying and how she felt about it. He needed her to believe him, to understand that he knew he messed up, that this was his fault. Her mouth opened to speak, but he continued before she could utter a word.

"This situation we are in is my fault, Emma. My fault for ignoring you, for placing my band ahead of your needs. You needed a husband and that is not what I have been. I would understand if you still what a divorce, if you still want to leave me. I know I deserve at least that much and if that is what you want I will give it to you. I just…" Releasing one of her hands he ran it through his hair nervously.

This was it. This was his ace in the hole. If what he was getting ready to tell her didn't convince her how sorry he was, how much he loved her...he didn't know what would. Her eyes gazed at him steadily, imploring him to continue. He felt his palms begin to sweat, heart thumpling in his chest.  _Please, let her forgive me_.

"Before you decide what to do, I need to tell you something. Can you allow me that? Will you listen?" He begged.

"Yes." Her voice was low, but strong. She wanted to hear what he had to say. Just that simple fact, gave him the strength to continue.

"I spent all last night and this morning on the phone with the band and Malcolm. First, we fired Malcolm. The man might be good at what he does, but he has no regard for the actual members of the band, his plan with Tink proved that." He squeezed her hand when he noticed her smile.

"We hired a woman named Regina Mills to manage us. Her and Robin hit it off really well. I am going to finish writing the album from home, so I can be close to you. So we can work on us." Doubt clouded her eyes, but he wouldn't let that stop him.

"Once the album is done, and there is no deadline thanks to Ms. Mills, I am going to book us into a small recording studio here in Storybrooke. Robin, Will, and Smee are going to come stay in Storybrooke for a couple of months, until recording is over." Lifting a hand, he cupped her cheek before continuing.

"Once all of that is complete, I am taking a break from the band. Indefinitely."

Her mouth dropped open as she inhaled sharply.

* * *

 

She thought agreeing to come here was a mistake, a lapse in judgement, a moment of weakness that she should've ignored. She was confident, her mind made up, coming to meet him was just a formality to get him to finally sign the papers. She couldn't have been more wrong...about everything. Here she was sitting on their bench in the park, questioning every decision she had made over the last two days, hell over the last three months.

He knew about what they'd lost, about why she left, about all of the problems in their marriage. He knew and he still wanted to fix their problems, he still wanted her. He'd apologized. He said he should've been there for her, should've made her and their relationship a priority.

_I'm taking a break from the band. Indefinitely._

Her heart skipped a beat as she gasped. Those words were everything she'd wanted to hear, everything she'd hoped for. For years she'd tried to make him see that things were off, but she knew her attempts could have been better. She should've tried harder to make him realize she was unhappy, to see that they had problems. Maybe if she had tried they wouldn't be in this position. Now that he was here holding one of her hands in his, gazing at her intensely with eyes full of hope and longing, she found that she didn't care about what had happened in the past. Reaching up, she placed her free hand over his on her cheek and leaned into his touch. It was real and that terrified her.

She felt the anxiety creeping into her chest causing her breath to quicken. It was too much, he was giving up too much to be with her. She wasn't worth it. She couldn't even give him a family, she couldn't give him anything. Her lips curled into a sad smile. He deserved so much more than her.

"Killian, I can't ask you to give up your career, your dream, for me. That's not fair to you, especially when there is so much I will never be able to give you now." Her hand moved from her cheek to rest across her incision.

"Don't you get it, love? None of that matters unless I have you at my side. You. are. everything. I. could. ever. want." He punctuated every word with a squeeze of their still intertwined hands.

"What about children? You wanted them as much as I did. I can't give you that. I can't give you a child that is part of both of us." Looking down, she shook her head dejectedly.

Killian moved his head to meet her gaze. "Emma, I don't want to be a father if I can't raise the child with you. I didn't want any family, I wanted a family with you. You are the deciding factor, love. Besides, we both know there are other options out there if being a mother is something you really want. How lovely would it be to adopt a child and give them the life you never had?"

Her eyes widened. Adoption was something she'd thought about in the abstract before she lost the ability to have her own children. She'd always wanted to adopt at least one child after she'd had one of her own. The loss of her own children had distracted her from that hope, but he was right… it was something to consider.

"You… you would be okay with that? With never having a child that was part you?" She wanted to believe what he was saying, but they had never really talked about if adoption was something  _he_ would think about.

"Aye, love. I would be okay with anything that would make you happy..." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

She closed her eyes gently, contemplating what he was telling her. He wanted her, broken and all. It didn't matter that she couldn't give him a family. He wanted to try and fix things. He said it was his fault, but he was wrong. It was hers, too. He may have created the problem, but she was the one who let it get out of hand, the one who refused to talk to him.

"Please, Emma." She heard his ragged whisper. "We can go to counseling and work on our problems. We can fix this."

Could they fix it? Would counseling help them? She honestly didn't know. She still loved him, that, at least, had never changed. She thought about the last ten years they had spent together, the last eight as a married couple. They had been happy once. They'd had everything they'd ever wanted in each other. She thought about the last three years. The pain and the heartache that accompanied those years, but there were happy moments. Moments that she didn't want to forget. In the end, their life together had been worth it. It had been perfect.

Opening her eyes, she met his gaze head on. His eyes, which were normally full of laughter and cheerfulness, were full of agony and longing. She watched as his lips curled into a hopeful half-smile.

"I'm just asking for a chance, love. I chance to fix what I broke." His voice broke at the end of his words, tears prickled the corner of his eyes.

Just like the first time she'd heard those words, just like the last time, she knew what she wanted to do. There was never really any other choice, not when it came to the love of your life.

* * *

 

He watched as her features shifted from shock to uncertainty. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear while wringing her hands. Gently, she shook her head. He knew she was trying to gather her thoughts, trying to make the right the decision.

He held his breath as he waited for her answer. Time moved slowly for him, seconds feeling like minutes. There was nothing else he could say, nothing he could do, if she decided to walk away now. He'd laid his heart on the line and now he had to wait. He could hear nothing save his heart beating rapidly in his chest, his ears pounded from the intensity. Finally, a small compassionate smile appeared on her lips.

"I love you, Killian Jones." She murmured softly. "I was wrong to leave, wrong to keep you in the dark about what happened but, maybe you're right. Maybe if we go to counseling, if we try to work on our issues together… I think we can fix this. I love you and that is reason enough to try."

All of the tension left his body as relief washed over him. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, a weight that had been there for months. Surging forward, he pulled Emma into his chest. Closing his eyes, a light sigh escaped as he breathed in her scent. His hand moved to cradle her head. The tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes trickled down his cheeks.

He had hoped she would agree, but a part of him didn't think it was possible. Not after everything she'd went through, not after everything he'd done, and not when they'd lost so much. Hearing her say she loved him, hearing her agree to  _try_ … his heart swelled in his chest. He'd once thought of her as home and here on this bench in the middle of a park, his arms wrapped around her, he knew it was true. His home was wherever she was and he was a bloody fool for letting her slip away.

He felt her body tremble ever so softly in his arms, he pulled back and lifted her chin so he could see her face. Her cheeks were streaked with tears. Resting his forehead on hers, he used both hands to cup her cheeks.

"You won't regret this Emma. We can fix this, I know we can. We can be happy again." Using his thumb, he wiped some tears from her eyes.

"I know." The corner of her mouth lifted in a gentle smile, her tone confident.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her forehead and pulled back to look into her eyes. "I think… I think it would be best for you to stay at Ruby's. At least, until we are in a better place. I don't want to rush this, love. I want to do it right."

"I think that is a wonderful idea." She nodded her head in agreement. "I'll make an appointment with a counselor for sometime this week, if that is okay?" She turned her body from his and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Aye. Name the time and place and I will be there, love." His arm fell across her shoulders as he leaned his head a top of hers. "Would you like to take a stroll around the park, love?

She shook her head into his shoulder. "No… can we...can we just sit awhile. I've missed the feeling of being in your arms."

A grin formed at her words, heart skipping a beat. "Aye, love. There is nowhere I'd rather be." His free hand reached over to clasp hers. "Nowhere in this world."

Right now, he wanted nothing more than to hold her. He missed the feeling of her in his arms, too. Missed the simplicity of just being the two of them, of just being Killian and Emma. He'd let his fame turn him into a different person, a person far removed from the man he once was. Reclaiming his relationship with Emma was like reclaiming part of himself. He felt more like the old him with every passing moment and he owed that to Emma.

_A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets._

Those words had never meant more to him than they did now. He'd fought tooth and nail to have Emma back in his arms, back in his life, and it was worth it.

Just as she was.


	12. Chapter 11 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for beta'ing. An even bigger thanks to o-u-a-timer for being my right hand on this fic. 
> 
> We are back to one p.o.v for this chapter - Emma's. This chapter kinda got away from me while writing it... not that any of you will care. So, here... have some fluff (yes, I did say fluff you are not imagining things!) and a drop of angst. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the kudos and reviews! The keep my muse going!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Ten Years Ago._

_Emma looked down at the map and then back up to the buildings surrounding her. How hard could it be to find the right building? She'd grown up in a bigger city than Storybrooke and had no problem finding her way around town, so finding 'White Hall' should be easy. Except, it wasn't. If it were, she would have found the building ten minutes ago and wouldn't be five minutes late to orientation on her first day._

_She combed her fingers through her hair._ Wonderful first try at being an adult, Emma. Really stellar. At this rate are you even going to make it to your classes?  _She shook her head. This was supposed to be the easy part. She'd made it through eighteen years in the system, made it through countless foster homes until they finally gave up and placed her in the group home. She'd survived years of being alone, of being forgotten, of not being chosen. She'd applied to college, gotten the grants and loans, and made it across the country from Boston to Storybrooke. She'd done it all on her own._

_The map began trembling in her hands. How come she could do all of that, but she couldn't find a simple building. Her eyes scanned the map again. It is like it wasn't even there, like the damned thing didn't exist._

" _You know...staring at the map isn't going to make whatever you're looking for appear, lass." An accented, maybe British, voice called from beside her._

_Her head jerked up to meet the source of the voice, eyebrows furrowing. He stood about a foot away from her dressed in a pair of black converses that had seen better days, ripped jeans, and...was that a Autobots t-shirt? She shook her head, what was it about cars turning into robots that guys found so fascinating? His look was completed with a black beanie atop his head and skateboard in his hand._

_What he was wearing wasn't what caught her eye though. He was easily the hottest guy she had ever seen. Dark hair peaked out from under his hat, she could tell it was a little longer and likely flopped a bit over his ears. A wide grin covered his face showing off his perfect teeth. Then, there were his eyes. His eyes were the color of the ocean and reflected nothing but amusement in her direction._

_For a moment her heart skipped a beat._ Get it together, Emma. You don't even know the guy.  _Closing her eyes, she forced herself to return to the problem at hand… finding the damned building so she could make it to orientation._

" _Lass?" He interrupted. "May I be of some assistance. I do happen to know my way around the university." He pointed to the map as he spoke._

_She shifted from foot to foot, glancing from him to the map and back to him weighing her options. She could either let him help her and get to orientation or she could stand here trying to find this invisible building for who knows how long. Option one it was._

" _I'm looking for 'White Hall'...do you know where that is?" She held out the map to him as he walked closer._

" _Hmm… 'White Hall?' Can't say that I have, lass." His features crunched apologetically. "Perhaps, you have the wrong building?"_

_Sighing, she reached into her bag and pulled out her orientation letter. Thankfully, she had remembered to grab it from the desk in her dorm this morning. Unfolding it, she handed to him. His eyes scanned the paper and a chuckle escaped._

" _Huh, lass…" His hand rose to scratch the hair at the nape of his neck. "This says 'Whit Hall,' not 'White Hall.' I think that's your error." He held the paper out for her to see._

_She ripped the paper from his hands, eyes drifting to the middle of the page where it clearly stated… damnit, 'Whit Hall.' She was such an idiot. She'd been in such a rush to get there in time, for once in her life, that she'd read it wrong and caused herself to be late anyway._

_Running a hand through her locks, she tilted her head up to meet his eyes. "Thanks for your help. Next time, I'll be sure to double check the name."_

" _No problem. It just so happens I am heading that way meself, I could walk you if you'd like."_

_She tilted her head to the side as she bit the inside of her cheek. Her eyes ran across his face as she tried to figure him out. He stood there, skateboard still in his hand, giving her an easy smile. Would it really hurt to let him walk her to the building? She was new here and knew not a single person, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to make a friend. It would be her first, group homes were not really conducive to making friendships. Besides, he'd helped her when she needed it, when no one else had._

" _Um, sure." She finally agreed with a quick shrug of her shoulders._

_His easy smile turned into a delighted grin as he began to lead the way, holding his skateboard on the outside so it wouldn't bump into her._

_Falling into step next to him, she inclined her head and looked at him curiously. " So… just who are you, my knight in Transformer clothes?" He scuffed beside her as she laughed at her own attempt at ease. "What's your name?"_

" _Killian Jones." His eyes twinkled as he continued. "At your service, m'lady."_

_She swallowed slowly. She might have just met Killian Jones, but she knew what that look meant. It meant that he liked her. And she...well, she wouldn't complain if she got to spend a little more time with Killian Jones. She was definitely drawn to him in a way she'd never been drawn to another._

_As they continued to walk, their hands brushed lightly. She felt heat spread up her arm. Ignoring it, she smiled briefly in his direction. "Nice to meet you, Killian. I'm Emma Swan."_

" _Swan, huh. Pretty name for a pretty lass." He turned his head to wink at her flirtatiously, she rolled her eyes in return._

" _Cool it, Casanova. I have an orientation to make it to." He laughed and spread his arm out in front of himself._

" _Too right, lass. Orientation first, getting you to fall in love with me later."_

_A grin overtook her face as she shook her head. Warmth spread through her chest as she continued to keep in step next to him. In the few minutes she'd known Killian Jones she'd already felt different, lighter somehow. She definitely wanted to spend more time with him._

* * *

 She barely made it through the door to the apartment before her phone rang. Shifting the bag of groceries to the other arm she reached into her back pocket to pull out her cell phone. Killian's smiling face stared up at her from the screen. Her heart fluttered in her chest as excitement flooded throughout her body. Her lips curled in a gentle smile.

He was actually calling. When they'd parted earlier he had said he would call her tonight, but doubt had creeped back in. How many other times had he said those very same words to her and not followed through, how many times had she waited by the phone for him to call only to be disappointed? It didn't matter though. He said he would call and he did. Even though it had only been a couple of hours since their new beginning, since they had decided to try again, it felt nice knowing he'd kept his promise.

Walking into the kitchen, she placed the the bag of groceries onto the counter. Swiping the screen to answer Killian's call, she placed the phone to her ear.

"Hello, Killian." Her lips curled into a grin.

"Evening, love. You sound busy."

"I'm putting groceries away. What are you doing?" She opened the refrigerator to put the milk in.

"Uh.. well…" She heard him sigh over the line and she stopped moving, placing her free hand on the counter. What was he doing that he didn't want to talk about? They needed to be honest with each other if this was going to work.

"Killian, just tell me." Her voice came out harsher than she'd intended. She heard him shift his body and she could imagine him twisting the hair at his neck nervously. "Please." She added gently.

"I… well… I just finished removing all of the alcohol from the house." His voice was soft, as if he were ashamed.

Her stomach twisted. In the few times she had talked to David about Killian, he mentioned that Killian had been drinking a lot. So much that he had drunk dialed David several times. Hell, Killian had mentioned it that day at Mary Margaret's. Back then, she had tried to ignore how she'd felt about him drinking, but now… She closed her eyes to block the tears from falling. All of this could have been avoided if she would have just talked to him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered brokenly, hand clenching the edge of the counter.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, love. We found our way back. Took a bit of the long way, but we are here." He tried to soothe her over the line.

She shook her head sharply. "But if we would have...if  _I_  would have…"

"Emma." He interrupted. "Stop. Tell me about what you did this afternoon, love."

She smiled through her tears. "Well, after I left you, I called Leroy and told him what we decided."

"Ah, yes, and how is Mr. Grouch?"

"Grouchy." Killian chuckled over the line. "But he is happy for us. Then, I called and made an appointment with Dr. Hopper." She waited with baited breath for his response. She knew he had agreed to go to counseling, but agreeing and actually going were two separate things.

"Well, when are we going, love?" She exhaled quickly.

"He had a cancellation for tomorrow at three." She needed to move so she picked up the box of cereal and moved to the pantry.

"I'll pick you up at 2:30?" He asked quietly.

Emma smiled softly, closing the door to the pantry. "Okay."

"Perhaps, after we could grab an early dinner?" He sounded so hopeful.

She froze in the middle of the kitchen, her heart twisting at his words. She wanted more than anything to go to dinner with him. It was just… she didn't want to get his hopes up. What if they were not able to solve anything? What if they couldn't fix what was broken? It was better if they took things slow. They needed to walk before they could run.

"Killian, I…" Her voice caught in her throat. "I can't."

There was a short pause on the line before he finally spoke. "Okay. We'll get there, love, I know we will."

He sounded so confident, like he knew they would be fine in the end. It was comforting to know he felt that way, to know he had that much faith in them. Suddenly, all of the anxiety left her. She was so tired of second guessing everything, it was all she'd done for the last several months.

"Maybe a stroll along main street could be arranged, though?" She asked coyly.

"Now that sounds like a splendid idea." She could hear the smile in his voice.

Leaving the kitchen, she walked into the living room. Settling into the couch, she turned the television on. "What are you doing right now?"

"Right now I happen to be watching a motion picture of great importance."

She could tell by his tone which movie he was watching and rolled her eyes. "One, two, three, or four?"

"Come again, love?" She could picture him arching his eyebrow in her direction.

"Which Transformers movie are you watching, Killian?" She deadpanned.

"How do you know it is Transformers? I could be watching Ironman." He sounded like a child and she smiled again.

"Really? 'A motion picture of great importance.' Like it could be anything else." She rolled her eyes again.

"Well, for your information, Mrs. Jones." Her heart skipped a beat when he called her by that name. She knew it was irrational, it was her name after all, but hearing him say it made her body fill with warmth. She barely heard him continue. "I am watching Revenge of the Fallen. They go by names not numbers."

"You're such a child, Killian." She laughed as she said it.

"But you like it." He responded without missing a beat. It was nice, this banter they had. She'd missed it, just like she'd missed him.

"Yeah." She murmured. "I kinda do."

She flipped through the channels until landing on the same movie. Digging herself further into the couch, she watched the movie with Killian on the phone. It wasn't a date, but well… it was start and at this point, that was all she wanted.

* * *

  _Therapy Session 1_

_His office was small, but cozy. Degrees from UCLA decorated the walls. Dr. Hopper sat, legs crossed, in a chair on the other side of his office. His wire-framed glasses perched on his nose, notebook rested on his lap. She sat on the couch with her legs curled under her, he had told her to get comfortable so she had, and her hands rested on her legs. She was trying really hard not to fidget. So far, she'd been successful._

" _Now, Emma. As I explained to you over the phone… I like to conduct the first few sessions individually so we can talk freely. After a couple of sessions, Killian will join you. Does that sound okay?" He gave her a kind smile._

_She nodded, twisting her hair in her fingers. "That sounds okay, I guess."_

" _So you told me on the phone that you and Killian want to work on your marriage before you proceed with a divorce. What caused you to file for divorce?"_

_Nervously, she shifted so her feet were on the floor. Her thumb rubbed the base of her ring finger unconsciously, the place where her wedding ring would have been… if she hadn't taken it off, if she hadn't given up so easily. Her shoulders sagged. She hated talking about her problems, hated opening up, but she needed to keep an open mind. She wanted to save her marriage, there was no question about that. She had to believe that therapy could work, that it could help them work on the issues between them, the issues that she had. She had to try. Otherwise, what was the point?_

_Sighing, she pulled at the fabric of her jeans and murmured softly. "Do you want me to start at the beginning or start from what actually made me leave?"_

_Dr. Hopper shrugged his shoulders, removing the cap from his pen. "I think the beginning is always the best, don't you?"_

_The corners of her lips curved up slightly in a gentle smile. She closed her eyes as she tried to find the courage to begin her tale. She took a deep breath and then released it. She could do this. To save her marriage, she would do this. She opened her eyes to meet Dr. Hopper's patient ones. He smiled at her encouragingly and quickly she smiled in return, time to start._

" _Killian's band made it big about five years ago. I spent the first two years touring with them and spending time between here and LA, until I graduated and got a job. That was where our problems started…"_

* * *

  **Sept. 9**

**6:26 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #1): When you love, you do it with your whole heart and there is no going back.**

**Have a great day at work, love.**

**-K**

Staring at the text message, she blinked the tears from her eyes. This… this was what she needed to hear. After yesterday she thought she may have messed this up. She thought that Killian might have changed his mind. Relief washed over her. He was still here, still trying, despite her actions yesterday.

Her first session with Dr. Hopper yesterday had been hard, really hard. She normally wasn't one to share her feelings and that in itself had pulled her out of her comfort zone. Then, she had to answer all of his probing questions, questions that brought up the past and her feelings, questions that reminded her of how  _hurt_ she'd been by Killian's actions. By the end of the session, she'd felt raw and exposed. When she left she wanted nothing more than to go home and curl into a ball on her bed. Killian must have known something was the matter when he saw her walk out of the office because he tried to approach her, but she didn't want to talk to him. Muttering a quick apology and an excuse for bailing on their non-date, she grabbed her stuff, left the office, and called Ruby to pick her up. When he called that night, she ignored it.

Now, in the light of the day so to speak, she knew that she behaved harshly. They were trying to fix things and in order to do that… well, she had to grow up and be willing to talk about their marriage without getting upset every time. She had to let the past stay in the past and move forward to her present. A present that would hopefully include Killian. Quickly, she typed out a response.

_**Killian, I have no words.** _

_**I'm sorry about yesterday.** _

_**Can we reschedule our walk for this afternoon?** _

_**Maybe we can talk?** _

She sat the phone on the nightstand and threw her head back onto the pillow. She had a busy day ahead of her. Three new cases yesterday meant three new children needed placement, whether it be foster care or adoption. There was no way she could be late this morning, not when she had three children relying on her.

Sitting up, she swung her legs out of the bed. She was halfway to her closet when her phone rang, startling her. Tilting her head to the side, her brows bunched in confusion. Who would be calling her this early? Her heart rate sped up when she saw the picture on the screen. Killian.

"Hello." Her voice was tentative as she bit her lip.

"You don't need to apologize, Emma." His voice was stern. "You have every right to feel whatever you are feeling…"

"But…" She tried to break in, only he ignored her.

"No, Emma. Nothing you do is going to change how I feel about you. If you need space, that is fine. I want you to trust me and to do that...I need to let you lead. I'll not push you, love. If you need me to back off...just say the words and I will."

She swiped at the tears that had formed in her eyes. How was it that he knew exactly what she needed to hear? It had been so long since he'd paid any attention to how she was feeling that she'd forgotten how  _in tune_  he could be when it came to her. It reminded her of the beginning of their relationship, of happier times, of times that she wanted back.

"Thank you." She hoped the whispered words were enough to show how much she was trying, how much she appreciated that he was trying, and how much she wanted to mend what was between them.

"You're welcome, love. Now, how about I meet you when you get off of work...for that walk?" She knew he was messing with the hair at the nape of his neck by his nervous tone. It was cute especially because she'd been the one to ask him on the walk in the first place.

"Is 5:15 good for you?" Cradling her phone between her ear and shoulder, she made her way to her closet.

"Aye. Have a brilliant day, love. I'll leave you to get ready. See you tonight." He sounded happy and that made her heart swell.

"Tonight. Have a good day as well." She hung up the phone with a smile on her face.

* * *

  **Sept. 11**

**6:30 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #3): When you smile, your whole face lights up. I could spend hours just watching you smile.**

**-K**

 

* * *

  **Sept. 13**

**6:20 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #5): You are the most understanding person I know, even when people are undeserving of it.**

**I enjoyed our conversation last night, love. You are right, as you always are, what happened was no more my fault than it was yours.**

**I should have been there, however, and for that I am sorry.**

**-K**

**\---**

_**And I should have told you.** _

_**Let's just agree that there are many things we both did wrong.** _

 

* * *

  **Sept. 15**

**6:15 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #7): You are the strongest person I know.**

**-K**

 

* * *

 "Sing it to me?" She asked over the phone line.

It was late, she knew it was, but she didn't care. She wanted to talk to him. He had been so excited when he called. He'd finished the song that he was working on and it was  _perfect_. She loved that he enjoyed writing so much, loved that he was so passionate about getting the lyrics exactly as he wanted them.

"What?" His voice wobbled in surprise.

She smiled to herself. "Sing it to me. I would love to hear it...besides I, I kind of miss hearing you sing."

"Well, who am I to deny you anything, love…"

As his voice carried over the line, she felt a deep calmness take over. She hadn't heard him sing in… years really. She'd forgotten how lovely his voice was. Slowly she began to drift, her eyes shutting. Moments later, she was asleep.

 

* * *

  **Sept 17**

**6:21 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #9): Your ability to care for each case that comes through your office. I've never told you this, but I have always believed you were the real superstar of the two of us.**

**-K**

**\---**

**3:15 pm**

**This is what I am dealing with this afternoon.**

**[press to download photo]**

Emma shook her head as a picture of Robin and Will came up on her phone screen. Her features crinkled in confusion. Were they… wrestling?

_**What are they doing?** _

**Seems Will has acquired Robin's phone. He's been messaging Ms. Mills all afternoon pretending to be Robin.**

A giggle escaped her and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. She was at work. That was such a Will Scarlet thing to do… really Robin should have expected it.

_**You might want to jump in. Robin may murder him.** _

**Step in? Now why would I do that, love? Will's a grown lad. Besides, Robin got a date out of it.**

She shook her head, rolling her eyes. Boys. No, men.

 

* * *

  **Sept. 19**

**6:11 am**

**Why I Love You, Emma Jones (Reason #11): Your laugh. It is infectious. You cannot help but feel lighter when listening to it.**

**-K**

**\---**

Placing the phone on her ear, she waited for Killian to pick up. These last few weeks had been amazing. They had fallen into a pattern, one that she particularly loved. A pattern that included her waking up every morning to a text message from Killian stating a reason why he loved her, it included phone calls and text messages throughout the day about anything and everything, and it included him calling her at the end of the day so they could say goodnight to each other.

The end of the day calls were her favorite. She loved cuddling in her bed and listening to him chat about whatever antics Will and Smee had gotten into that day or the weird budding relationship that seemed to be occurring between Robin and their new manager, Ms. Mills.

What she really loved, though, was listening to him talk about writing, about getting that lyric just  _perfect_. She could hear the pride in his voice, hear the love he had for writing music. Once or twice, she'd even asked him to sing the songs to her and when he did… her body filled with warmth.

There was only one thing weighing on her mind. How long would this last? She knew he was taking a break from the band, but eventually he would have to go back. What would happen then? She couldn't ask him to quit the band entirely. It was his career. He'd wanted to be in a band since before they met. She closed her eyes. She needed to stop. Dr. Hopper said to take everything one day at a time, that they needed to communicate in order to solve their problems.

"Hello, love." Killian's voice came over the line making her smile.

"Hey. I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I had a long day and it looks like tomorrow is going to be even longer." She sighed as she got into bed. There was a problem with one of her foster children, she needed a new placement immediately. Unfortunately, not a lot of people were willing to take care of a sixteen year old female with a record.

"Is everything okay, Emma?" He sounded concerned.

"Not really." She whispered, wiping the newly formed tears. That girl could have easily been her twelve years ago, in fact, it  _was_ her.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

What she wanted was his arms around her, but it was still too soon to ask that of him. There was one other thing that he could do, something that he'd only done one other time, something that she'd loved...

"Just… can you sing to me again?" She laid her head on the pillow.

"Aye, love. Anything for you."

The deep timbre of his voice came over the line and she relaxed into the bed. This man had spent the last several weeks proving to her in every way that he was sorry, that he would be there. It was everything she'd hoped for. Slowly, her eyes closed.  _He_ was everything she needed in that moment.

 

* * *

_Therapy Session 3_

" _Now, Emma, this is our last individual session. How do you feel about that?" Dr. Hopper's eyes bore into her from across the room._

_She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "Fine. I am ready to work on things with Killian. We've been talking a lot over the phone and through texts. I think we are both ready to take the next step."_

_It had been three weeks since they had started therapy. In those three weeks, Killian had made it a point to talk to her multiple times a day. She smiled. He was trying to prove to her that he would be there, that he had changed. So far… it was working._

" _Good. Good." Dr. Hopper interrupted. "There is just one last thing I'd like to discuss before we move on to your co-sessions with Killian." There was something about his tone that made her nervous._

_She twisted her hands in her lap. "Okay…"_

" _I want to talk about the day at the hospital, about how you felt when you found out you could no longer have children." He gave her a small, comforting smile._

_Her eyes widened as her stomach twisted. Tears flooded her visions. She didn't want… she couldn't… she wasn't ready. Her heart pounded in her chest, her hands began to tremble. It felt like her throat was closing up, like she couldn't breathe._

" _Emma!" Dr. Hopper had moved in front of her. His face was directly in front of hers. "You need to breath, Emma. It will be okay. I promise."_

_Her eyes darted across the room. She shook her head violently. It wasn't okay. She wasn't okay. She needed… She looked at Dr. Hopper, but barely heard a word he said. She needed Killian._

" _Killian." She choked out._

_Dr. Hopper nodded frantically and ran to the door. Seconds later, she was in his arms. Seconds later, his voice was in her ear._ It will be okay, love. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you.  _She buried her face into his neck as she slowed her breathing. He was here, he wasn't going anywhere._

_Once she finally calmed, Dr. Hopper resumed his place in his chair. Killian never released her from his arms._

" _Emma, I'd like to continue individual sessions with you. I think you have gone through a very traumatic experience and it would be best to work on that, too. We can work on your marriage in the session with Killian, we can work on getting you better in the individual one. How does that sound?"_

_She nodded her head. She needed help. It was hard for her to admit, but she knew she did. She looked up to Killian's face. He smiled at her encouragingly. There was no way she could fix her marriage if she couldn't fix herself. It was worth it just for that reason._

 

* * *

  _ **Sept 30**_

_**9:48 pm** _

_**I need you.** _

She'd barely been able to type the message to him because her fingers were trembling so badly, tears had clouded her vision and she couldn't see the screen. She was sitting in the middle of her bed at Ruby's apartment. Her bedroom door was shut, but not locked. In all honesty, she was surprised Ruby hadn't come barrelling in yet. It wasn't like she was trying to hide the fact that she was sobbing. No. She'd been quite loud since she made it to her room.

She shook her head despondently. When she arrived home she thought she'd been okay, thought she was fine, otherwise she would have never let Killian leave her. He'd been the only one able to calm her during her mess of a session with Dr. Hopper that afternoon. A session that included Dr. Hopper asking about how she  _felt_ when she found out she could not have children, when she found out that her dreams had been ripped away.

She closed her eyes in anguish as her heart danced in her chest. Why did he have to bring it up? She'd been doing fine focusing on her marriage, she'd been doing fine trying to forget what she'd lost. There was a reason she never talked about her feelings, a reason no one knew that she would never be a mother to her own child. She didn't  _want_  to talk about it, she didn't  _want_  anyone to see that she wasn't strong, didn't  _want_  to allow anyone to see how broken she really was.

Because that was what scared her. The idea that she was too broken to ever recover, the thought that she had failed in the most simplest of ways, that she had failed at being a mother. It was almost too much to bear. A choked sob escaped her. Yet, she had to live with this knowledge everyday. She had to wake up and go to work, she had to deal with parents who'd neglected their children, and she had to do it all with a smile. Those parents didn't even know how lucky they were to have their own child, how blessed, because she would give anything to be in their shoes. She would give anything for a child of her own.

That didn't matter though. It didn't matter what she would give up because she could never have a child of her own, she could never bear a child for Killian, and it killed her. So much so that she didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to  _think_  about it. She wanted to put it in the back of her mind and pretend like it didn't matter, like it didn't affect her.

Which is why when Dr. Hopper asked about it she froze up and panicked. She couldn't answer his questions, couldn't talk about how she felt. She watched morosely as her tears fell onto her blanket. Talking about how she felt meant that it happened, it meant that it was real, it meant that she…. she shook her head. She couldn't talk about it. Not now, not ever.

Suddenly, she heard someone pounding on the front door to the apartment. A moment later footsteps sounded down the hallway stopping in front of her door. A frantic knock followed.

"Emma?" His voice carried through the door and more tears flooded her vision. From happiness or sadness, she didn't know. "Emma, love, it's me." The handle of her door jiggled and he must have realized it was unlocked because the next thing she knew Killian's frame was before her and Ruby behind him.

Her eyes ran the length of his body as he stood there, chest heaving. He was dressed in his trademark Transformers pajama pants and a white shirt. His shoes were mismatched, one black converse and the other grey, neither of which were tied. He'd thrown on his black leather jacket over the white shirt and it looked like his hair may be slightly damp. Why was he dressed like this?

She realized in that moment that he hadn't texted her back after she messaged him. She'd been too caught up in her thoughts to notice, but she knew it hadn't been too long since she'd sent the message. Maybe ten minutes at the most. All of the sudden his appearance made sense. He hadn't texted back because he'd gotten her message and left immediately. He'd rushed to get here, he'd rushed to her. Because she needed him and he'd promised he'd never let her down again. The reality of his actions, of his promise, slammed into her and more tears formed in her eyes.

From the door she heard him mutter, "Oh, Emma." before he moved to the bed. Sitting behind her, he pulled her into his arms. She turned her body toward him and curled into his chest, finally feeling safe for the first time since he'd left her that afternoon. Vaguely, she heard her bedroom door close and she knew Ruby had left to give them some privacy.

For what seemed like hours, but was likely only minutes, he rocked her on her bed. His nose was buried in her hair as he whispered comforting words to her. Slowly she stopped crying as all of the despair she'd felt left and was replaced with a feeling of comfort that only Killian's embrace could provide.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He shifted his head so his cheek was lying atop of her hair. She shook her head into his chest. Talking about it was the last thing she wanted, it was what started this whole mess in the first place.

"You know…" He murmured softly. "It is okay not to be strong, to open up. I'm not going anywhere." Again, she shook her head and pressed further into his chest. "Is it about what Dr. Hopper asked about?"

She wanted to deny it but she couldn't. Not to him, not when they were trying to save their marriage, not when they were trying for a fresh start. They had promised to always be honest with each other and that promise applied to everything.

"Yes." Her voice was hoarse from crying.

She felt him kiss her hair. "I was upset when I found the paperwork. At first, I didn't believe it. I thought…" He shook his head. "I thought it was a mistake. When I realized it wasn't, I was angry… at the situation, at the world really, and then at myself." She tilted her head up to look at his face and he gave her a small, sad smile before continuing. "We've lost something huge Emma. Something…" He closed his eyes and she watched as tears fell from them. "There are no words for what we've lost, but it is okay to let yourself talk about it, to let yourself feel the loss. To grieve."

She didn't speak as she contemplated his words. Finally, she looked up and wiped the tears from his eyes with her thumb. "If I let myself feel it, then it's real." She whispered.

His arms tightened around her. "But it is real, love, and if you don't feel it you'll never heal. You have to heal, Emma, because I have to heal with you. I need you in this as much as you need me. And I know, if we do this together, we'll be alright." He kissed her forehead. "We'll get there, my love. Together."

Her mouth fell open. His pain was evident in his tone and her heart clenched in response, but there was something else there also...something akin to hope. He truly believed that they could heal each other, that they would survive their loss together. It comforted her to know that he felt this way, to know that he had that much faith in them. She could feel the sorrow leave her body as she pulled back from his chest to meet his eyes. Somehow, he always knew what to say to make her understand, to make her realize what she needed to do. Her hand came up to caress the stubble on his cheek and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on his.

"How is it that you always know how to make me feel better?" She whispered with a small smile.

The corners of his eyes crinkled in confusion at her question, the change in topic catching him off guard. An easy smile formed on his lips. His shoulders shrugged slowly, eyes darted from her eyes to her lips before returning to meet her gaze. "Because I know you better than you know yourself, lass."

"I know." She nodded her head against his. Her words were barely a breath upon his lips, a declaration of truth that she knew he desperately needed to hear. "You always have."

"And I always will, Emma. For as long as you'll let me." He placed a light kiss on her nose.

She wrung her arms around his neck and pulled him into her embrace. She'd been so lost earlier, so desolate, and then he showed up. Just being in his arms had allowed her solace, his words and promises had done the rest. It was like a weight had been lifted. She no longer felt alone, not when she knew he would be at her side healing with her.

Pulling back, her hands fell to her lap. She bit her lip as her eyes shifted downward. "I couldn't do this without you, Killian. I… thank you for not giving up even when I gave you every reason to."

He sighed as he reached out and ran his thumb along the backside of her hand. "There was never another option for me, love."

Emma took in a deep breath as her eyes lifted to meet his. His eyes reflected nothing but the truth. Her chest tightened as she realized he'd meant every word he'd said.

"You were never going to give up, were you? This whole time, even when you felt like there was no hope to be had, you still believed that we would find our way...didn't you?" Her eyes searched his face in wonder.

He nodded slowly. "Aye."

She knew it then, knew that she was ready to let him in fully, to allow herself to let go of all of the pain and the hurt. She was ready to take the next step in more ways than one. It was time to really trust in him, to trust that this was going to work, to trust that he wasn't going to leave her.

"Killian?" She could feel each beat of her heart as it thumped wildly in her chest. His hands reached out and intertwined with hers as he continued to watch her.

"Yes, love?" Gently, he squeezed her hands when she did not answer him right away.

"Go on a date with me?" She whispered the question. Getting it out, making the request, made her feel lighter in a way. Like she was finally letting herself live for the first time in three months.

His eyes widened. The corners of his lips curled into a small smile. "A date?"

"A date." She breathed out, smiling brightly.

"Are you sure, Emma?" His eye crinkled, a brow rose in question.

"I've never been more sure of anything?" She vowed confidently.

"Then, I'd be honored." He inclined his head shyly and a giggle rose in her throat. She'd never seen so sure about something since he'd asked her on their first date, so in a way it was fitting.

"Honored, huh?" She bowed her head to catch his eyes. He grinned in return.

"Aye, love. Honored. I do have one request, however." His eyes twinkled with mirth.

"Oh, really, and what's that?" She returned his smile as one hand lifted to comb through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"You let me plan the evening." He tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

Of course he would want to plan their evening. He would want it to be perfect, the perfect start to their renewed marriage.

"Okay." She leaned into his touch.

They stayed like that for a moment and she wondered how she ever thought she could live without Killian Jones. She'd been a fool. She needed him as much as he needed her.

"Then, accompany me to dinner. Tomorrow." His finger trailed along her jawline.

"Tomorrow?" She questioned with a smirk. "So soon?"

He didn't laugh like she expected. His expression turned serious as he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I've spent far too long without you, my love. I do not intend to prolong the experience if I can help it."

Her breath caught in her throat, stomach flipping. She was surprised to find that his words did not scare her, instead they filled her with longing. She didn't want to be apart from him longer than necessary either.

She sat, wrapped in his arms, in the middle of her bed for a long while. Slowly her eyes began to drift shut. She'd almost fallen asleep when she felt him stir.

His hand came up to pull at his ear. "Well, I suppose I should return to the house. It is late and you wake early for work." When he moved to get off the bed and she grabbed his arm.

"Stay." Her words were confident.

"Are you sure, Emma?" His voice wavered at her request.

She nodded her head. She wanted to sleep with his arms around her, with is heartbeat in her ear.

"Yes." Then, she added. "But just to sleep."

His mouth widened into a grin. "As you wish."

Once he took off his shoes, turned the light off, and joined her in the bed; he wasted no time pulling her into his arms and burying his nose in her hair. She'd never felt safer or more loved than she did in that moment.

"Goodnight, Killian." She murmured into his chest.

"Goodnight, my love."

She fell asleep quickly wrapped in the arms of her husband for the first time in weeks.


	13. Chapter 12 - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always huge thanks to my beta team of the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie and to o-u-a-timer for all that she has done to help with this fic.
> 
> Well, here it is... the captain swan date. This might be the fluffiest chapter of the entire fic. Also, there are no therapy session in this chapter because I wanted to focus on their date (but let it be known, they are still attending those weekly).
> 
> Thank you all so much for your kind words regarding this fic. This fic has been difficult to write at times and my family has often found me crying over my keyboard, but it has totally been worth it because of all of your kind words. We still have a couple of chapters to go (two more real chapters and an epilogue).
> 
> P.S. Lenfaz... I apologize in advance for this chapter. You will know why. :-P
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Eight Years Ago._

_His hand combed through his hair as he paced the length of the room. His heart beat rapidly in his chest causing his hands to tremble nervously. His fingers curled up to pull on the sleeves of his jacket. He shook his head, his tie felt too tight. Why had Robin insisted he wear one? He hated these bloody things. He hadn't worn one since Liam… No. He wasn't not going to think about his brother, not today. But the tie needed to go, he'd had enough of it. His hand came up and yanked the thing loose before pulling it over his head and undoing the top two buttons. Much better. It felt like he could finally breathe._

_He shifted from foot to foot in the middle of the room. Bloody hell. What time was it? It felt like he'd been locked in the room for ages. He glanced at the old analog clock on the wall._

_1:50 pm._

_Ten minutes. He had ten minutes until his life changed forever, until his life changed for the better. His lips curled into a smile. He'd been looking forward to this day for months, years really but that was neither here nor there, and now that it was finally here… he couldn't be more scared._

_In ten minutes he was going to marry the love of his life, he was going to marry Emma Swan. They had decided on a small ceremony on the beach with only their closest friends in attendance. They both had no family to speak of so that hadn't really been a concern for either of them. Ruby was to act as her maid of honor and Will his best man. It was simple. It was everything either of them could ever want._

_The problem was… He should be excited, he should be overjoyed. But all he could think about was Emma changing her mind. What if she wanted to wait? What if she decided that she didn't want to spend her life with him? He didn't think he would survive if that were to happen. It didn't help that he hadn't seen her since Ruby had driven off with her yesterday morning. His hands itched to run through her hair, to hold her to his body as they slept, to cup her cheeks while he leaned in to kiss her._

_Ruby had suggested they do things the traditional way and, of course, Emma had thought it was a bloody marvelous idea. He rolled his eyes. They had been sharing an apartment for nearing a year, but she wanted to be traditional because they were getting married and he couldn't deny her anything._

_When he'd agreed he'd forgotten about the 'can't see the bride the day of the wedding' tradition. Which meant he was now going on close to twenty four hours since seeing his lass. He'd finally had about enough of it and was almost out of the door before Will had pulled him back and locked him in. He huffed in exasperation. He just wanted to see her, he just wanted to….A knock interrupted his thoughts and he rolled his eyes before walking over to the door._

" _Oi! Scarlet… Don't tell me the lost the bloody key, mate! You locked the door from the outside! If I'm late to me own wedding…"_

" _Killian?" Her soft voice floated through the door, ending his rant._

" _Emma." He exhaled her name in relief as he leaned his forehead to rest on the door. She was here, she hadn't changed her mind. "I can't open the door, love. Scarlet...he locked…."_

" _I know. I heard him bragging to Ruby before I snuck away." He heard her giggle on the other side of the door and his stomach flip flopped at the sound. "I missed you last night."_

_A smile formed. "I missed you too, love. I don't like sleeping without you."_

" _Don't worry. After tonight you won't have to ever again. Any second thoughts?"_

_He shook his head against the door. "Not a single one, love. You?"_

" _Just that we didn't run off and elope. Could've saved us a lot of trouble." Another giggle._

" _And miss seeing you in what I am sure is a very fetching dress...not a chance, love." Now, it was his turn to laugh._

" _Yeah, yeah. Oh! I hear Will coming! I have to go! I'll see you in five minutes. I'll be the one in white. I love you." Her words were rushed as she tried to escape._

" _I love you, too." He whispered back, hoping she was still there to hear it._

_He stayed in that position, her laughter echoing in his head like his own personal mantra, until he heard the key jingle in the lock. Stepping back, he allowed Will to enter the room. Hearing Emma's voice had calmed him in a way nothing else would, in a way that nothing else could._

" _You ready to get hitched, Jones?" Will shoved his shoulder lightly._

" _Aye. More than ready mate." He smiled and nodded._

_He was marrying Emma Swan. He'd been ready for this since the day he found her lost on campus, since the day she agreed to go out with him, since the day she moved in, and definitely since the day she'd said 'yes.'_

" _Well. Let's go get ya a wife then and maybe ya can help me with the Lucas girl, eh?" Will's eyes lit up as his eyebrows bounced on his face._

" _You're on your own with Ruby, mate. That one is… well, she's something else and her Granny? Good luck!" He shook his head, lightly patted his mate on the back, and moved toward the door as Will followed._

" _I can handle her, Jones. Ladies love me." Will said once he caught up to Killian._

_Killian pinched the bridge of his nose. It really didn't matter to him what, or who, Will did. As long as he was married to Emma at the end of the day._

_But, perhaps he should have chosen Robin as the best man…_

* * *

 

Scratching his neck, Killian stared at the three button-up shirts laying on his bed. He was terrible at this. He prefered the casual look of jeans and a t-shirt, they were comfortable and easy. Dressing up was something he tried to avoid at all costs. Even when he had to attend an award show, Malcolm normally hired someone to dress him. The last time he'd picked his own suit had been at his wedding and that was eight years ago.

Sighing, he grabbed the red shirt off the bed. His eyes landed on the black tie he'd laid next to the shirt. He hated ties. So much so that he never wore them, not even to award shows. His eyes narrowed at the offensive object. This was a date with Emma, the one that she asked him on, the one that signified a new beginning for their marriage. He closed his eyes. Emma deserved better than a casually dressed date. He wanted to show her that he was taking this seriously, that the meaning of this date was not lost on him. Stalking forward, he swiped the tie off the bed.

He dressed quickly. Black slacks accompanied the shirt and tie. He even passed on his signature converses in favor of a nice pair of dress shoes, but he refused to budge on the leather jacket. Besides, maybe Emma would get cold and be in need of it… she'd always said how much she loved it.

Ten minutes later, he was in the car. He stopped at the local florist, Emma loved buttercups, before making his way to Ruby and Emma's apartment. Once there, he eased the car into a space, grabbed the flowers, and made his way to their apartment door.

Arriving at the door, he shifted from one foot to the other. His fist rose to knock before pausing and falling back to his side. He took a deep breath. This was it. Beyond this door was his wife and, hopefully, his future. He'd waited weeks for this night, weeks of assuring Emma that he had changed, that he was going to put her above everything.

Hearing her utter those words last night, hearing her  _ask him_  on a date had been… Well, he'd been surprised, surprised and honored. They had come so far in the short time they had been going to therapy, in the short time since they had started to really try to fix the issues between them. To know that she trusted him, that she wanted to give him this chance… yes, honored is what he definitely felt.

And now he was here, standing outside her door, and his palms were sweating. He knew he had no reason to be nervous, no reason to be scared, but he was. He loved Emma with every fiber of his being and the thought of messing this up was too great. He needed her to see how much she meant to him, how much he wanted her in his life, so this night had to go perfect, it had to be perfect.

He took a deep, calming breath and released it slowly. He needed to stop thinking so much, stop worrying about all of the ways the date could go wrong. At the end of the day it was just him and Emma, him and his wife, and everything would be fine. They both had stated numerous times that they wanted to fix their marriage and would do anything within their power to do so, there was no way one date could potentially mess that up.

He knocked on the door quickly and moved to stand back from it. Not even a second later, the door opened to reveal Emma and his breath caught in his throat. His eyes widened in awe, mouth hung agape.

She was dressed in a simple black sleeveless leather dress that hit just above her knees. Her shoes were red pumps that did marvelous things to her shapely legs. Her blonde locks fell over her shoulders in small curls. She's kept her make-up simple, light with only a touch of color on her porcelain skin. She wore no jewelry save the diamond earrings he'd gotten her for their first wedding anniversary - he ignored the pang in his heart when he thought about her wedding ring currently resting on his nightstand, this was supposed to be a happy moment after all. The look was completed with a long red peacoat. Her color choices were not lost on Killian as he glanced at his own clothing quickly. Simply put, she looked beautiful...like a modern day princess.

"You… you look stunning, love." He shook his head in disbelief.

She smiled coquettishly. "Thank you and you look… is that a tie, Killian?" She breathed out in shock.

He bit his lip while scratching his neck. "Aye." His murmur was soft, unsure.

She stepped into his space, eyes still on the tie, and his body hummed in anticipation. Her fingers traced the length of the tie on his chest before she shifted her concerned gaze to meet his.

"You didn't have to wear a tie." It was a simple statement, but it spoke volumes.

She knew what ties meant to him, she knew why he hated wearing them, why he avoided them as much as he could. His hand rose to capture the one she still had brushing against his chest.

"I did, love." He whispered.

She smiled lightly and rose up, placing a kiss on his cheek. Then, she freed her hand from his and pulled gently on the tie around his neck.

His brows knitted. "Emma, what are…"

"Shh." She shook her head silencing him. Her hands moved quickly and the tie was removed seconds later, then she unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt. "There." She patted his chest affectionately and his heart skipped a beat. "I appreciate the gesture, but it is unnecessary."

The need to kiss her was overwhelming. This woman who knew him better than he knew himself, this woman who he'd almost lost because of his own stupid actions, this woman who had lost so much and was still willing to give him a chance… he shifted forward, tilting his head toward her. She responded in turn until there were only centimeters between their lips. Both of their eyes closed…

"Don't you clean up nicely, Jones." Ruby's voice rang out from behind Emma and he jumped back from his wife, startled.

Disappointment filled his chest and, with one quick glance to Emma shoving the tie in her coat pocket and shifting back and forth, he could tell she felt the same. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

"Ruby." He nodded in her direction.

"Jones." She smirked. "Do I have to tell you to have her back at a decent hour?"

Next to him, he saw Emma roll her eyes. "Ruby. I am standing right here. Do I need to remind  _you_  that I am an adult and can take care of myself?" She moved to stand next to him, her hand finding his as soon as she was able. "Are you ready?" She looked at him expectantly and he nodded. "Good! Bye, Ruby!" She pulled him away from the apartment door.

Behind him he heard Ruby laugh and shout out "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" before shutting the door, returning to the apartment.

He was struck by how similar this situation was to their first date. Him picking up Emma, Ruby teasing them… it was all very reminiscent. He smiled as Emma continued to pull him toward his car. He hoped this date was just as good, if not better, than their first one.

* * *

He'd made reservations at Disalvo's, the finest Italian restaurant Storybrooke had to offer, for eight o'clock so they were shown to their booth as soon as they arrived. It was a great booth, private, in the back of the restaurant so he could avoid being spotted. It wasn't often that the paparazzi showed up in Storybrooke, but he especially did not want them to ruin this night.

Walking Emma to the booth, he made sure she was comfortable before motioning to the waiter to bring their best bottle of wine. He took his seat across from her and was surprised when she reached out and intertwined their hands. When he met her eyes, she smiled shyly in response and his chest filled with warmth while he looked down to the menu.

"Thank you." Her voice pulled him from the menu to meet her eyes.

"What's that, love?" He squeezed her hand.

"Thank you for this, for tonight. It's beautiful." Her eyes were full of raw honesty.

"Only the best for you, my love." She nodded before returning her gaze to the menu.

When their waiter returned with the wine they both ordered their dinners, shrimp scampi for him and chicken parmesan for her.

He was struck by how at ease she seemed. It was like something in her had shifted after her session yesterday afternoon, after she'd broke down. She seemed more comfortable in her skin, more comfortable with him. He could see it in the way she sat and the way she smiled. It was present in the way her thumb softly ran back and forth on his own. He didn't know why, or how, she had made the change… but he was thankful for it.

"You seem happier, darling." He pulled her other hand into his.

"Do I?" She questioned.

"Aye. There is this air about you that wasn't there yesterday. It's… refreshing to see you at ease." His lips lifted slightly.

"It's because of you. You realize that, right?" She squeezed his hands again. "Over the last several weeks. you've proven to me that you have changed and I can't help but feel better because of it."

He closed his eyes and remembered the day she walked out on him for a second time, remembered her words.  _You haven't changed._ It was such a relief to see how far they'd come, how far he'd come. It wasn't just him, though. It was the both of them, together, that had gotten this far.

"No, love." He lifted a hand to his lips. "It wasn't me. It was us. It's always been us. The thought of losing you, of spending the rest of my life without you was too much. I will forever be grateful that you gave me another chance. That you gave us another chance."

He could see her cheeks reddening at his words and he had the sudden urge to be close to her, to not have the table separating them. He released her hands quickly and motioned for her to shift in the booth so he could sit next to her before reaching for his glass of wine and placing it in front of him. From this angle, no one in the restaurant could see them as they were hidden by the height of the boothback. Once settled, she surprised him again by lifting his arm to wrap around her shoulders so she could cuddle into his side. Her head rested comfortably onto his shoulder before she let out a content by her antics, he laughed lightly.

"Comfortable, love?" He murmured the question into her ear and ignored her body shivering in response.

"Yes." She answered simply. "I feel at home with you."

His heart beat increased at her honesty. Her actions and words kept surprising him, but he wasn't going to complain. He liked knowing how she felt, what she thought. He liked this comfortableness that had formed between them. He liked that she trusted him.

"Then, you will never have to be without them." She pulled back to meet his eyes and his stomach twisted at the unleashed tears in hers. For a moment he'd thought he'd done something wrong, that he'd done something to upset her. Maybe it was too much, too soon. Maybe...

"Promise?" She interrupted, her voice wavered in question.

His shoulders sagged in relief. He tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "Promise."

She smiled, a small smile that reassured him, before settling back against his side.

"Tell me about your new song?" She requested.

"Which one, love?" His hand played with the ends of her hair.

"The one you've been working on with Robin. The last one for this album." He closed his eyes. That song was different from the others, it was more.

"It's a love song." He murmured deeply and kissed her hair. "About a man desperate for a second chance."

"Does he get one?" She wrapped her free arm around his waist and he knew they were no longer talking about the song.

"Aye." He smiled into her hair. "I think he does."

* * *

The sand shifted in his toes as he wiggled them. A cool breeze ruffled his hair and he ran his hand through it in an attempt to control it. He could taste the salt in the air. In front of him, Emma sat in-between his spread legs leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around her middle, her head under his chin. Her breathing, like his, was easy and he felt relaxed. His fingers lightly traced circles onto her arms, a small sigh escaped her and his heart filled with contentment. The woman he loved, the woman he'd almost lost, was safe and in his arms.

The rest of their meal had been much of the same, both of them simply enjoying the other's company. After, they decided that a walk on the beach was in order. They'd walked for awhile before finding a secluded spot to sit and watch as the waves rolled in gently. The night was peaceful, it was easy, it was everything he'd hoped it would be.

"I don't want to go home." She whispered into the wind and snuggled further into his chest.

His heart expanded as he buried his nose in her hair. He would love nothing more than to bring her to his house, to their house, and spend the rest of the night in her arms, but he knew where that would lead...and they weren't ready for that. What was it that Dr. Hopper kept drilling into them? Ah, yes…  _You have to walk before you can run._

"We can stay here for as long as you like, my love." He sighed into her hair.

"Killian." She whined and twisted her head to look at him, her eyes silently begging him.

"Emma." He kissed her forehead. "You know I could never deny you anything, but you're not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. We both have this tendency to give in when things are good, and they are right now, but we still have a long way to go. Let me court you, love. Let me show you that you made the right decision in giving me a second chance." He tucked a wayward lock behind her ear. "We've a ways to go, love. There is still a great deal of healing we both need to do, but we'll get there. In time."

Her mouth formed a thin line as she contemplated his words. He looked out to the sea and his stomach twisted. He hoped he didn't upset her, that was not his intention and he didn't want to put a damper on an otherwise perfect evening. Meeting her eyes, he watched her lips form a small smile.

"You're right. I just… This night has been so perfect and last night, too. It reminds me of when we were first married, of when we were a team, before you'd forgotten me." Her last words were whispered lightly and her eyes widened when she'd realized what she'd said.

His heart lurched in his chest. He knew he'd never really  _forgotten_ her, but that was how she felt. He'd spent so much time away from her, away from home, that she'd felt abandoned and that was his fault.

"I'll not leave you again, Emma. Never. I'm afraid you are stuck with me." He reassured her, leaning his forehead against hers. "We can take things slow because I am not going anywhere." He answered her unspoken fears.

"Killian…" Her shoulders fell. "You still have obligations. You still have your band, and touring, and…"

"Hey." He put a finger over her lips stopping her. "You let me worry about those things. I'm not leaving you again, love. Whatever I have to do to ensure that...well, that is what I'll do."

"But, Killian, I can't ask you to…"

"You're not asking me to." He interrupted her again. She was worried about him giving up his dreams, but she didn't realize that none of his dreams mattered if she wasn't beside him. "I haven't decided anything, yet. I just know what I want, who I want, and the rest will fall into place eventually. You need to focus on getting better, on healing, and when the time comes to make a decision about our future and how my career affects it...we will decide what is best together, as a team."

She blinked and nodded her head in understanding. One of her hands moved to cup his cheek and he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. Her lips touched his gently and he felt like his blood was on fire. He could talk all he wanted about waiting, about taking it slow, but at the end of the day this woman was his wife and he  _missed her_. His hand moved to tangle in her hair as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. One of her hands pressed itself against his chest. The hand that was not in her hair moved to caress her throat. She tasted like the wine they'd had at dinner and he couldn't get enough.

When she pulled away, he opened his eyes and realized she'd turned her entire body to face him. Her forehead rested against his and he tried to control his breathing.

"Okay." She murmured while holding his gaze. For a moment he was confused by her words. Then, he remembered what they were talking about before the kiss. "I trust that you know what is best for you."

He grinned as she turned and settled back into his embrace, his arms wrapping around her once more. It was getting late, but he didn't want the night to end. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet. The wind picked up and her hair tickled his nose. He moved his head and buried it into her neck, breathing her in. His eyes closed as she intertwined on of their hands.

No, he wasn't ready to take her home just yet. In front of him, she sighed contently and his heart expanded.

He wanted this moment to last forever.


	14. Chapter 13 - Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to my betas the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie. Also, o-u-a-timer who I would be lost without. These ladies make writing and editing so much fun.
> 
> One more part and then an epilogue after this. It will definitely be finished before the premiere. Thank you all for hanging in there with me, I know this fic was seriously angsty at times and I hope the end it worth it for you all. 
> 
> Again... thank you for all of the kudos and reviews. Getting those makes writing fic worth it. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Four Years Ago._

_Killian slowed the car to a stop before shooting a grin in her direction. How he could be in such a good mood after the day they'd had was beyond her. When Killian had suggested they buy a house she'd been excited, ecstatic even. They'd been married for four years. Buying a house was the next logical step for them. Besides, they wanted a family someday and you couldn't really raise a family in a small cramped apartment. It also helped that The Dashing Rapscallions were only getting more and more popular, so they didn't really have to worry about monetary issues any longer._

_They'd decided to make a day of it, a day of looking at potential homes. Their realtor, Ariel Trident, had arranged for them to see ten houses. Then, they hadn't liked any of the houses. That was two months ago and now they were out looking again. So far, they'd looked at nine and so far they'd liked… zero. Not a single house on the list was something they could see themselves living in. She shook her head. They were off to a wonderful start. At this rate they'd find a house sometime next year or something._

" _You ready, darling?" Killian's voice pulled her from her thoughts as he inclined his head toward the gate that stood in front of them._

_She shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh. Maybe the tenth house would be the one, but she wasn't going to hold her breath. The car lurched forward as the gates opened. They followed behind as Ariel's car led them up a winding tree-lined stone driveway._

_Her eyes widened and a gasp escaped. In front of her was the house, if you could even call it a house, it was more like a compound. Growing up in the system, she'd only seen houses like this one on television, never up close and never in person._

_The house had an all white stucco finish. The roof was a brown terracotta. The front doors, which were a rich mahogany, were framed by two large pillars and an archway. Next to the pillars were two palm trees. An attached five-car garage sat to the left of the front doors. It was beautiful, it was perfect._

_Next to her, Killian put the car into park and pulled her hand up to his lips. "What are you thinking?"_

" _I'm thinking that this house is huge and gorgeous and huge and how can we afford this. It's so much nicer than all of the other houses today?" She rambled out._

_He laughed and toyed with the ends of her hair. "I don't know how we can afford it. I just gave Ariel the budget and she found the houses. Might I suggest we take a look around and ask her?"_

_Slowly, she nodded her head and turned to get out of the car. When she shut the car door, Ariel was already running to meet them._

" _What do you think?" Ariel asked when she'd finally made it to them._

" _It's amazing." Killian nodded his head in agreement to her words. "Just how is this in our budget? I mean I know we have a pretty large budget, but this seems like it would be more."_

_Ariel smiled. "Well, normally it would be. It's actually owned by my father, Daniel Trident."_

" _Daniel Trident?" Killian interrupted. "As in the Daniel Trident, CEO of Trident Industries?"_

_Ariel shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah...that's him. Anyway, he's relocating the business to New York and needs to sell the house as soon as possible, so he'd priced it well below market value. Which means it is in your price range. Would you like to see inside?"_

" _Aye, lass." Killian's hand found it's place at the small of her back as he lead her up the steps and through the front doors._

_The inside was even nicer than the outside. The foyer opened up to the kitchen and living room beyond. To her right, a set of stairs lead to the second floor which, according to Ariel, was where they could find the four bedrooms and a bathroom. The master suite was also upstairs and it had an attached bath. Huge windows took up the majority of the back wall in the living room. The kitchen contained granite countertops, real wood cabinets that were a deep rich brown, and stainless steel appliances. It was her dream kitchen. Ariel went on to explain that the house also had a dining room, rec room, a theatre room, and two more bathrooms._

_As Killian chatted with Ariel, Emma walked into the living room and peered into the yard beyond the huge windows. The yard contained an massive inground swimming pool and a large grassy area behind the pool. The perfect place for their children to play someday._

_Happy tears formed in her eyes. How did she get so lucky? If someone had told her six years ago that she would be married to Killian and entertaining the idea of buying a multi-million dollar house, she would have laughed them out of the room. Yet, here she was. Emma Swan, the kid no one had wanted, had everything she'd ever dreamed of._

" _Well, what's the verdict, love?" Killian whispered into her ear as his arms circled her waist. Instinctively, she leaned back into his embrace._

" _It's perfect, Killian. This is the one. The one we can raise a family in. Our family." Her voice was full of wonder._

" _Then, we'll buy it and, when we are ready, we'll raise a family here. We'll fill the house with the laughter of our children." He smiled into her hair._

" _Well, what are you two thinking?" Ariel's voice rang out from behind them._

_Pulling out of Killian's embrace, Emma turned to look at Ariel. "We'll take it."_

" _Good." The realtor nodded. "I'll go get the offer paperwork and we can talk details when I get back." Ariel pivoted and walked down the foyer._

_Emma twisted and met Killian's gaze. His eyes twinkled with mirth, an amused grin on his face. Her heart quickened at the sight. How was it possible to be this happy, to be this in love with someone? It was as if nothing would ever go wrong. As long as they had each other they would be okay._

_Killian strode forward and pulled her to his chest. "I love you, Emma Jones." He murmured the words into her hair._

_She smiled into his chest. "I love you too, Killian. So much."_

_They were buying this house, this wonderful beautiful house, and someday soon they would have a family. She closed her eyes. A vision of a little blonde-haired girl playing in the yard with a brown-haired toddler filled her mind._

_Someday, they would make those children a reality._

_She couldn't wait for that day to come._

* * *

 

"So… how'd the most recent date go?" Ruby asked from her place across the booth.

"Yeah." Mary Margaret chimed in. "You two have been going on dates twice a week for a little over a month. How is everything going?"

The three of them were having lunch at Granny's. It was a weekend tradition, something that they had started doing three years ago when she was left to fill her days since Killian was always gone.

She smiled and lifted her glass of Coke to her lips, catching Ruby's gaze over the rim of the glass. Her friend raised a single eyebrow and gave Emma that expectant look. The one that indicated Ruby knew she was evading the question. Emma's gaze shifted to Mary Margaret and she saw the same look on her face. There was no way she was going to be able to avoid this. Might as well face the music now.

Setting her glass on the table, Emma rolled her eyes at her friends. "It's been…" She waved her hand trying to come up with the right words to describe the last month and a half. "It's been everything I needed it to be."

Mary Margaret's lips shifted into a bittersweet smile, her eyes softening in Emma's direction. "Oh, Emma. I am so happy for you. For the both of you."

"It's really great to see you so happy again, Emma." Ruby added in with a grin of her own.

Emma felt warmth spread throughout her body. "It's nice to be happy again. Killian's been… amazing, really. He's been there every time I needed him, he calls everyday, texts as much as he can. For the first time in three years, I feel like we are finally on the same page… that we want the same thing."

"And that is…" Mary Margaret questioned.

Emma ran a hand through her hair, an easy smile formed on her lips. "Each other."

It was such a simple answer, but it was the truth. If she had learned anything over the last several weeks, it was that Killian was willing to do whatever he needed to be with her… and she felt the same. She had been crazy to think she would have been able to live her life without her husband. Just knowing that he was here, that he cared, that he wanted her… it was everything she wanted and more.

"Aw." Ruby's voice broke through her thoughts. "You two are so adorable."

Emma rolled her eyes at her friend's antics. She was so lucky to have friends like Mary Margaret and Ruby. She wouldn't have survived the last three months without them. They were always there when she needed them, even if she didn't think she did.

"So..." Ruby met Emma's eyes. "Where are the two of you going tomorrow?"

Emma shrugged. "It's a surprise, all he's told me is to dress comfortably."

"Aw, surprises can be nice." Mary Margaret shared a shy smile with her.

Emma returned the smile, feeling light at the thought of her impending date. "I think so, too."

"That's good." Mary Margaret's smile grew as she leaned forward onto the table. "I have a surprise for you, too."

Emma turned to Ruby and shared a look curiosity between them.

"What is it, Mary Margaret?" Ruby asked her.

The sparkling eyes and ever-present smile on her face spoke of how big this surprise was going to be.

"I'm pregnant."

Emma's eyes widened in surprise, her face crumpled. She could feel her heart beating in her chest. Her stomach twisted.

"What?!" Ruby yelped in response, but Emma could barely hear her.

Pregnant. Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She shouldn't feel angry, shouldn't be jealous, but she was.

"I wanted to tell you sooner, but we wanted to wait until after the first trimester." Mary Margaret turned her gaze to Emma. "And with everything you were going through with Killian, I didn't think it would be a good time."

Emma tried to smile, she really did, but her lips formed a thin line. It felt like the walls were closing in, like there was a weight on her chest and she couldn't breathe. All of the dreams she and Killian had came rushing back in full force. All of the dreams they would never be able to have. But Mary Margaret could and… she was.

She wanted to be happy for her friend, she really did, but Mary Margaret was getting everything Emma ever wanted. Mary Margaret was getting the child Emma had always wanted, the child that she would never have. She wondered for a moment if Mary Margaret's child would have blonde hair like her father, like the little girl she'd always imagined for her and Killian, or would it have brown hair like its mother, like the boy Emma had always wanted. She closed her eyes in an effort to fight tears from forming while Mary Margaret and Ruby continued to chat happily next to her. This wasn't fair. Why was she the one who couldn't be a mother, who couldn't have a child. Now, she would have to watch her friends raise their child, she would have to watch and pretend like it wasn't everything she'd ever wanted. She would have to watch as Mary Margaret got to experience their child's first words, the first time it crawled, the first steps. Stiffly, she stood from the booth. She couldn't be here anymore.

"Emma?" She turned her head to meet Mary Margaret's confused gaze.

"I'm sorry. I… I can't. I need to leave." Pivoting on her foot, Emma rushed out of the door of the diner.

The cool air hit her face, but offered her no release. Why was this still so hard? Why couldn't she just get over this? It wasn't like she could change what had happened. It was done and over with, so why couldn't she move on?

"Emma!" Ruby's voice came from behind her and Emma turned to see her and Mary Margaret coming through the diner's door.

"What's going on, Emma?" Mary Margaret implored.

Emma sighed and wrung her hands together. They didn't know. She hadn't told them. For three months she had kept this secret to herself, that was...until Killian found the paperwork. She studied the faces of both of her friends. All she saw was concern for her. These were her best friends. It was time she told them what had happened, it was time she told them the truth. She motioned for them to join her at one of the outdoor tables.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she tried to come up with a way to explain why she ran. This was supposed to be a happy moment for Mary Margaret, the moment that you tell your friends you're expecting.

"I'm sorry for running out." She murmured the apology while running a hand through her hair.

Mary Margaret nodded her head in Emma's direction. "I appreciate that, Emma, but I am more concerned about you right now… did I… did I say something to upset you? I was so excited to tell you about the baby and your reaction was, well it was a bit unexpected."

With a pang in her heart, Emma felt tears fall from her eyes. She inclined her head to stare at the table. All of this was so confusing. A part of her felt angry. Angry that she would never get to be where Mary Margaret was. It felt like a knife twisted in her gut. She wanted to shout toward the heavens that is wasn't fair, that she deserved to have a child just as much as Mary Margaret did. But, the other part of her was so happy for Mary Margaret. She knew her and David had been trying for awhile, she knew that they had struggled, so she couldn't help but feel a little happiness that they had finally been successful. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she looked up to meet the worried gazes of Mary Margaret and Ruby.

She took a deep breath and released it. "I am happy for you, really. I just…" The words died in her throat. How could she talk about this to them, when she was barely able to talk to Dr. Hopper about it?

Mary Margaret scooted her chair until she sat next to Emma, Ruby repeated the action until the were all three in a line. Both her friends grabbed one of her hands and squeezed, but it was Mary Margaret who spoke.

"It's okay, Emma. You can tell us anything. You know that."

Emma glanced toward Mary Margaret, who had an encouraging smile for her, and then shifted her gaze to Ruby, who's eyes were crinkled in concern. They deserved to know.  _She_ needed to stop bottling everything in.

"I…" She glanced at the sky and shook her head in frustration. Would it always be this hard for her to talk about this? "I can't…" Ruby released her hand and put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay." Ruby gently rubbed her shoulder as Mary Margaret squeezed her hand once more. "We're here, Emma, we're not going anywhere."

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, her palms felt clammy. For a moment she wished she would have just ran from the diner entirely, ran back to the apartment, in order to avoid this conversation. But, she didn't and it was too late to turn back now.

"I can't have children." She finally whispered in a broken voice.

She heard both of her friends gasp in confusion before her eyes locked on Mary Margaret. Her friend's hand was covering her wide open mouth, a look of pure heartbreak covered her features. Emma's heart thumped wildly in her chest as she turned to face Ruby, whose arm had fallen off Emma's shoulders and back to her side. Ruby was biting her lip, one hand resting over her heart, and Emma could see that tears had formed in the corners of her friends eyes.

"How...what…" Ruby finally spoke from across the table.

Emma scratched her neck, a habit she'd no doubt picked up from Killian. "I had cysts on my ovaries and they ruptured." She explained in a hollow, broken voice as tears continued to fall to her cheeks. "They rushed me in to emergency surgery where they had to remove both of them. It happened right before I filed for divorce, it was what prompted me to file."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mary Margaret murmured.

Emma shrugged. "I don't know. I was so angry at everything. I didn't want to talk about it, I wanted to forget."  _I still want to forget it._

"But, Emma, we are your best friends. I would have helped you." Ruby added while reaching for Emma's hand.

"I know." Her voice was soft, laced with pain. "I just couldn't."

"But...who did you talk to? If you didn't share it with either of us, who did you go to?" Mary Margaret reached for her other hand.

Emma nodded to the question. "At first, no one knew. Then, Killian found the paperwork when he got back from touring. Now, Killian and Dr. Hopper know. We've been working on it during the sessions."

"And how is Killian doing? I mean… this, this is something huge Emma. It's a big loss for both of you. I can't imagine..." Mary Margaret squeezed her hand as her words trailed off.

"He was upset, which is understandable, but he assured me that he only wanted a family with me...and if I couldn't, then he wouldn't." A small smile formed as she remembered the many times her and Killian had spoken about this.

Mary Margaret and Ruby's lips curled into sympathetic, but encouraging smiles. They both reached out and enveloped Emma into a hug. It was startling at first, being hugged by someone other than Killian, because she had been avoiding it for so long. But, for the first time in four months, Emma let herself be comforted by her friends.

Pulling away from the hug, Emma met Mary Margaret's gaze.

"But I am happy for you. I promise. Just when you told me… it was a shock. I'm having a hard time dealing with it… you both know how much I wanted to have a child of my own and now…" Her voice trailed off as she looked toward the sky.

"It's okay." Mary Margaret assured her. "I understand and if you ever need someone else to talk to… I'm here, okay?"

"Same for me." Ruby added with a gentle smile. "You're like a sister, Emma. I love you. I will always be here when you need me to."

Emma smiled softly at her friends, her best friends. Suddenly, she wanted to feel hopeful, to feel like she could heal. She wanted get through this and with Killian and her friends by her side, maybe she would be able to.

"Thanks, you guys. I love you, too." She murmured with a smile.

"Now." Ruby winked at her. "How about we go back inside and finish our meal before Granny thinks we ran off without paying?"

Emma laughed lightly and it felt like a weight had been lifted. For someone who grew up with no family, she sure had one now. It may be small, but it was the best thing to have happened to her.

* * *

 

_Therapy Session 6_

" _And how did you feel when Killian wouldn't return your calls for days, Emma?"_

_Killian flinched beside her and she covered his forearm gently with her hand. Their eyes met and she gave him a small comforting smile. She knew the question wasn't meant to hurt Killian, but it had. She also knew that her answer was going to hurt him, but she had to be honest…. what was the point of going to therapy if they were just going to continue to lie to one another?_

_Dr. Hopper's gaze filtered between her and Killian and she bit her lip. There was no easy way out of this one. She gently squeezed Killian's arm before meeting Dr. Hopper's gaze._

" _Alone." She finally whispered and heard Killian inhale sharply. "Alone and unloved."_

* * *

 

She'd lost count of how many dates they'd been on in the two months since their new beginning, but this one was by far one of her favorites. Sailing, he'd taken her sailing. It was something she'd never had the chance to do, even living in a seaside town like Storybrooke. It was something she'd always wanted to do and Killian had made that dream come true. Her lips curled into a smile as she gazed out to the ocean around her. It seemed like Killian was making a lot of her dreams come true lately.

His arms slipped around her bare waist from behind and she leaned into his chest. He buried his face in the base of her throat and kissed it lightly. Was it possible to burst from happiness?

"Are you enjoying yourself, love?" His lips were so close to her ear that his breath tickled her.

She turned in his arms to face him, a huge smile on her face. "Very much, even more so now that you've joined me."

"Well, someone had to captain the vessel, lass, and you've proven to be quite the distraction in that very lovely swimsuit." He smirked and added a wink for good measure.

A giggle escaped as she playfully slapped his bare chest. "Killian! We are on a boat… what else was I supposed to wear?"

He took the hand on his chest and brought it to his lips. "Oi! Make no mistake, darling, I'm not complaining." His eyes traveled from her face down her body before he met her gaze, licking his lips. "Quite the opposite actually."

She rolled her eyes as happiness bubbled in her chest. "So that's why you wanted to go sailing, huh? So you could see me in a bikini?"

Killian shook his head, suddenly very serious. "Emma, you know that's not why. I love you." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I know this is something you've always wanted, something I never made time for before, and I wanted you to have this. I …"

She held her finger to his lips and grinned. "I know. I was joking. Although, I do have to say… part of the reason I've always wanted to go sailing was to see  _you_  in your board shorts playing captain."

His lips curled into a brilliant smile, eyes crinkled as they filled with playfulness. "Is that so? Tell me, love… how do I measure up?" His face was so close she could feel his breath on her lips.

She licked her lips. "Pretty good, I'd say." Jolting forward, her lips connected with his.

They had kissed only a handful of times since their first date, but each time she'd felt like a piece of her heart mended itself. This time was no different.

He pulled away first and leaned his forehead on hers with his eyes still closed. For a moment, they simply swayed on the deck of the boat. Killian's breathing steadied under her. Tilting his head to look at her. Their eyes met and her heart skipped a beat. His blue eyes were full of love, of adoration, for her.

"What do you say to dinner on the deck?" He murmured a moment later as his hands played with the ends of her hair.

"I think that sounds fantastic." She twisted the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Then, I shall return shortly with our meal, love." He stepped back at her nod.

"I'll be here." Her voice held a teasing tone.

"Promise?" He asked in a low voice. Suddenly, she knew they were no longer talking about dinner. Her heart clenched. They had come so far, but they still had so far to go.

She threw him a comforting smile. "I promise, there is nowhere else I'd rather be."

His smile grew once more. "I'll be back in a tic."

As he turned to go find their food, she turned and stared back to the ocean. Her hand rose and her fingers touched her lips. That kiss had been… there were no words so describe what kissing Killian felt like. Well, maybe there was one… home.

She smiled wistfully. Today had been everything she'd ever dreamed it could be, everything she'd hoped it would be. In fact, the last two months had been perfect. Sure, they had their problems, things that they were still working on, but it felt like they were really connecting with one another, like they were finally mending what she thought was broken.

And they were doing it together.

* * *

 

_Therapy Session 8_

" _Angry." Killian whispered from beside her as he avoided her eyes. " I… I didn't believe it at first. I didn't believe that something like that could happen to us." He ran a hand through his hair before finally met her gaze and clasping her hand in his. "To her." The corners of her lips turned up in a comforting smile._

" _And how did you feel when you realized Emma had kept this secret from you, Killian?" Dr. Hopper asked as he scribbled more notes on to his pad._

_She felt her body tense up and she dropped her eyes to their joined hands. Killian squeezed her hand gently. "Mostly, I felt like I'd failed, like I hadn't been there when she'd needed me the most, like it was my fault."_

_She inhaled sharply and shifted her eyes up to meet his. "It wasn't." She murmured softly. "I should have told you regardless of how angry I was, you… you deserved to know."_

* * *

 

About a week after Killian took her sailing, Emma found herself listening to the soft murmur of her husband's singing as she sipped on her wine from her place on the blanket. Tonight's date was a simple one, but that didn't make it any less wonderful in her eyes. After a tiring week at work, one that involved the re-placement of three of her charges, Emma had needed something easy and quiet. Killian seemed to pick up on her need immediately and offered a sunset picnic as tonight's festivities.

Killian stopped singing to look in her direction, a goofy smile adorning his face. The breeze softly lifted his hair and the sunset behind him created a brilliant halo around him. She felt relaxed and comfortable, feelings that she was slowly getting used to feeling again.

"I like that one." She murmured placing her wine glass beside her.

"Yeah? It's the one I told you about on our first date, about the man fighting for a second chance." His acoustic guitar sat on his lap as his hand rose to scratch his eyebrow.

"It's appropriate then. You're an amazing songwriter, Killian." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and moved to sit next to him.

He placed the guitar beside him before pulling her to his chest. "Thank you, love. I quite like the process of writing the songs."

"You can tell. They're beautiful, really." She intertwined their hands.

He kissed her forehead and her heart fluttered in her chest. She wondered, for a moment, if it would always be like this. At some point Killian would have to tour again, and they may be recording the album in Storybrooke this time… but even she knew the best recording studios were in LA. What would happen for the next album and the one after? Her job wasn't changing anytime soon either. There was always the option of moving to LA. They had always wanted to raise their children in Storybooke, it was part of the reason they'd stayed, but now that they couldn't have children… well, LA would be an option…

"Hey…" Killian's shoulder bumped into her back to get her attention. "What are you thinking?"

She sighed. "What do you think about moving?" She tried to sound nonchalant.

His body stiffened. "Move? Are you no longer happy in Storybrooke, love?"

"No." She shook her head. "I was thinking about moving to LA, you spend so much time there anyway and eventually you'll have a new album to record. It would be easier…" Her voiced trailed off.

"You would be willing to do that, willing to leave your friends behind, for me?" He whispered, amazed.

She shifted her body so she could meet his eyes. "For us, I would. I mean, being in a band has always been your dream. I can't ask you to give that up. There's nothing holding us here… not anymore."

He kissed her forehead. "Thank you, love, but we have a while yet before a decision must be made. We've already booked a studio here for this album. Let's say we table this and talk about it again in a few months." He smiled gently.

She nodded, returning his smile. "I think that is a good idea. Let's get you through recording this album first and then we can figure out what is best for us."

Killian's eyes filled with something she couldn't quite describe. "Aye, for  _us._ "

She turned in his arms until her back rested on his chest. They would figure it out, she knew they would. Until then, they would focus on fixing their relationship, on getting back to where they needed to be. The important thing was… they wanted the same thing.

They wanted to be together.


	15. Chapter 14 - Killian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie for beta'ing. At this point you all know that o-u-a-timer is the reason this fic even exists.
> 
> This is the last "real" chapter, folks. Expect the epilogue in a day or two (likely Wednesday). I cannot thank you all enough for sticking with me through this story. I know it was likely hard, but we did it. We've reached the end and the happy ending so many of you were worried about. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Again, thank you for all of the kudos, and reviews. They really do feed the muse.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Ten Years Ago._

_They were holed up in Emma's dorm for the first time in many weeks, enjoying Ruby's absence and some alone time. Her body was curled around his, her head on his chest, as his fingertips twirled the ends of her hair. Her hands ran up and down his side under the new Ironman t-shirt she'd purchased for him. "_ It's time to broaden your horizons, Killian, and I think Tony Stark is just the way to go."  _His lips curled into a smile as he thought about how her face had lit up when he showed up wearing it. It was worth cheating on his beloved Transformers as long as he was on the receiving end of that look._

_They had only been dating for a couple of months, but in that very short time he'd discovered that he would do anything in his power to make Emma Swan smile. Warmth spread throughout his chest. It had been so long since he'd felt this happy, this content. The last time had been before Liam left for his deployment overseas. Then, six months later, he'd received the phone call that had changed his life, the phone call that informed him of his brother's death...he'd been getting ready to start his freshman year at university when it had happened. Now, a year and a half later, he finally felt that he could move on. He owed that to Emma._

_Emma tightened her hold on his stomach, a delicate sigh escaped her lips. He kissed the top of her hair lightly. Suddenly, her head popped up so her chin could rest on his chest._

" _What is your dream job? Like if you could do anything, be anything, what would you want to be?" Her head inclined slightly at the question._

_His mouth fell open, the tip of his tongue found the roof of his mouth as he considered his options. There was only one thing he'd always wanted, one thing that he'd work hard at. It was his major at Storybrooke University. It had been his dream since he was a young lad in England. It was why he spent countless hours practicing. It was why he spent Friday and Saturday nights in dive bars. It was the only thing he'd ever really wanted to do with his life._

_He looked at Emma perched on his chest waiting for an answer. "I want to be a musician." He murmured, smoothing her hair down. "I want to really make it in the music world, to write songs the whole world knows, to sing at a sold out arena." His voice was wistful and full of hope._

_Her eyes twinkled with pride, her lips easing into a smile. "You'll do it." She sounded so confident. "I've heard you and the guys play. There's just something there, something...magical. It'll happen. I don't know when, but I know it will." She rested her head on his chest still looking at him._

_His heart burst in his chest. A brilliant smile overtook his features. Her faith in his success was almost overwhelming. It was something he hadn't felt since… he hadn't felt it in a long time. He cupped her face, his thumb caressing her cheek._

" _What about you, love? What's your dream job?" He combed his fingers through her hair._

" _Social work. I want to help kids like me, to help the ones growing up like I did. So they know that they have someone who cares, someone on their side." Her voice was a mere whisper as she bit her lip._

_His stomach flip-flopped as he brushed the stray tear that had fallen from her eye. Any child that had her as their case worker would be the luckiest child there was. Because, Emma Swan wouldn't leave anyone behind. Not when she, herself, had been left so many times before._

_He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You, Emma Swan," he murmured against her forehead, "have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. I'm truly honored to be the one you've let into it."_

_Her eyes widened and for a moment he thought he may have overstepped some kind of line. They hadn't said_ the words  _yet, but he was beginning to feel them, beginning to recognize that he loved Emma with every fiber of his being. Emma was harder to read. His lass tended to shy away from the big declarations, from sharing how she felt._

_She lifted her cheek from his chest once more and met his eyes, a slight smile on her face._

" _Me, too." Her voice was low, almost like she was scared of her own admission._

_Wide eyes searched her face for an indication that she hadn't meant what she had said, that she regretted it. Her normally pale cheek was flushed from laying on his chest for so long, slight creases had formed across it. Her teeth bit into her pink lips ever so slightly as if she were nervous. But when his gaze met her eyes he knew. Her emerald eyes were full of confidence, of joy, of love._ _She may have been frightened when she'd said it, but she meant it._

_He knew in that moment that he would do anything for the woman in his arms._

_He was in love with Emma Swan and he hoped that maybe, she loved him, too._

* * *

 

Juggling two bags of groceries in one arm, Killian pushed the front door open with the other. He expected Emma to arrive later that evening and he planned to have dinner ready by the time she got there. That had meant a quick trip to the store to pick up some much needed items. He felt his phone vibrate as he placed the bags onto the counter in the kitchen. Removing the device from the front pocket of his jeans, the corners of his lips turned up into a brilliant smile when he noticed the reason the phone had vibrated. Emma had sent him a photo.

Her smiling face stared up at him from the screen. The sun reflected off of her blonde locks, her eyes gleamed with happiness, her normally pale skin was flush and glistening. She looked beautiful and so happy. Underneath the picture, she'd sent a caption…

_Beach day with Mary Margaret and Ruby! Can't wait to see you for dinner tonight! xx_   _E_

His thumb traced the line of her lips and he couldn't help but think that he was part of the reason she was so happy. It had been almost four months since their new beginning, four months of dating, of therapy, of finding their way back to each other. It hadn't all been smooth sailing, of course. There had been a great deal of tears shed during those months. They had let themselves become almost strangers to one another. Not to mention that Emma - and he - had lost something very dear to the both of them. Losing the ability to have children was something that some couples never recovered from. In fact, it was something that normally tore couples apart, not bring them closer.

But it had brought them closer and along the way, they had found each other again. He couldn't be more thankful for that. He scratched the stubble on his chin before saving the photo as the background of his phone. He wanted to look at that smile every time he used his phone, he wanted to see the happiness shining in her eyes, to see her completely free of all burdens... of all hurt. Seeing that picture on his phone would remind him that the tears, the pain, the heart-wrenching despair, had been worth it… because they were here and they were happy.

He grabbed the box of lasagna noodles and turned to put them in the cabinet by the refrigerator. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of the calendar that always hung there. He frowned… he had been free of obligations that last several months, free to focus on himself, on Emma, and on their relationship. It had been exactly what he needed in order to get his life back on track, but his free time was quickly coming to an end. He was due in the studio at the end of the week. Thankfully, the studio was located in Storybrooke, but it was still going to take quite a bit of his time.

Which was time away from Emma, away from his family.

He knew that he couldn't spend his life at home, waiting for Emma to return. That was what he had expected of Emma before and they both knew how that turned out. The problem was… when did it end? Yes, they were recording in Storybrooke for this album. But, what about the next? Then, there was touring and press and award shows and… Bloody hell. He realized with a startling clarity that is was never going to end. That no matter what he did, there would always be something that took him away for long periods of time. He shook his head, remembering the conversation he'd had with Emma several weeks ago on their picnic. The one where she suggested they move to LA.

Moving was an option. It would certainly make things easier on him and the band, but Emma would have to leave her friends behind and, really, so would he. It wasn't only that though. Storybrooke wasn't just any town to him. No… Storybrooke was where he'd first met Emma, where they'd went on their first date, where they'd gotten married. It was were they had fallen in love and where they'd found each other again. It was the setting for their love story and he found that he was hesitant to leave it, to leave all that it represented.

He turned back to the groceries and combed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head slightly. The truth of the matter was… he was happy here. He'd always thought it was Emma that hadn't wanted to leave the small town, but it was him as well. Storybrooke was where he'd found his home.

He grabbed the mozzarella cheese roughly and turned to put it in the refrigerator. Next to the calendar was a photo of him and Emma from when they'd went to the pier several weeks ago. They both had giant grins on their faces as they shared a bag of cotton candy. He stopped, cheese still in his hand, and stared at the photo motionless. He wanted that. He wanted that happiness and he wanted it everyday. He wanted to wake up every morning with his nose buried in her hair and he wanted to go to sleep every night with his body curled around hers. If the last several months had proved anything, it was that he needed Emma in his life. He needed to put his marriage first, before anything else. But in order to do that, he needed to actually be present in their lives, he needed to be home.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool metal of the refrigerator door. He loved his career, he really did. He was damned proud of everything the band had accomplished in the last five years. It was rare for a band to actually make it in the business, but The Dashing Rapscallions had. They had made it to the top and were still there after all of this time. It was heartwarming. It was everything he'd ever dreamed of, but…. there was more to life than just that dream. There was love, there was Emma. He banged his head against the door gently. If he stayed in the band, he'd lose Emma. It had almost happened once already and he'd swore that if he could win her back, he'd do whatever was necessary to ensure he'd never lose her again.

His eyes popped open and he pivoted toward the counter where his phone lie. He'd won her back, despite her having every reason not to let him back into her life. If being in the band meant that they would have to be apart and, in turn, unhappy….then, maybe, it was time to make a change. He threw the cheese back on the counter and picked up his phone.

He wanted something more than late night phone calls, than skyping before shows, than seeing each other on the weekends. He wanted Emma and an actual life  _with her._ He dialed Regina and put the phone to his ear.

Funny, he'd read in a book once that  _Happy Endings aren't always what we think they will be._ He'd thought his happy ending was playing to a sold out crowd while they sang his songs with him… but he was wrong.

His happy ending was Emma's smile while they walked down the street hand in hand, it was Emma's laugh as she told him about something Ruby had done, it was the way she buried her face in his chest while they cuddled on the couch and watched television.

His happy ending was spending his life with the woman he loved.

* * *

 

"Killian?" Emma's voice carried down the foyer.

His heart skipped a beat as his panicked momentarily. When should he tell her of his decision? He didn't want to keep it a secret, but he was a bit unsure of what her reaction would be. After all, she had been the one to mention moving to LA. It was entirely possible that she truly wanted to leave Storybrooke and move there, but he hoped that was not the case. He hoped she wanted the same thing he did: a life together  _in Storybrooke._

He took a deep steadying breath and stepped away from the salad he was preparing to stick his head out of the kitchen doorway. "In here, love."

She smiled and set her purse on the floor by the front door before making her way to the kitchen. She looked beautiful. Her simple sun dress showed off her sun kissed skin, her long blonde locks were up in a ponytail giving him a marvelous view of her neck and shoulders. She looked like a bloody goddess. He was a lucky man.

"Mmmm. It smells amazing in here. What are you making?" She took at seat across from him at the bar, her ponytail swaying side to side.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just a bit of lasagna and salad. It's not much, but it's the best I could do. We both know you are the cook of the two of us."

Giggling, she leaned over the counter and pressed her lips to his in a gentle, chaste kiss. His stomach fluttered in response. He would never tire of kissing this woman, even after being together for almost ten years.

"It's the thought that counts." She pulled away and sat back into her stool.

Smiling, he threw the tomatoes he'd just cut into the salad bowl. "Aye, that it is."

Her hand snaked forward, snatching a tomato from the bowl she popped it into her mouth a moment later. When she went for another, he swatted her hand softly and moved the bowl to the other side of the kitchen.

"If you keep eating all of those there won't be any left for dinner, lass." He teased.

"But I'm hungry now!" She whined with a huff, her lips forming an exaggerated frown.

He waved his hand in her direction. "Dinner will be ready in a few…" The timer on the oven went off, halting his speech. He turned toward the oven and donned the orange oven mitts. He sat the lasagna on the stove top. Smirking, he turned back toward his wife. "Now. Dinner is ready now."

She rolled her eyes. "About time! I'll grab the salad. Meet you at the table."

He nodded his head and made his way to table. He knew better than to get in the way of Emma on her food.

After placing the lasagna on the table, he took his seat. A lit candle with a single rose sat in the middle of the table, soft music played in the background. Sighing, he straightened the fork in front of him. Everything looked perfect, which was good because he needed this night to go perfectly. He was about to change their lives for the better. At least that is what he hoped.

"Oh…" Emma voice pulled him from his thoughts. She had stopped in the doorway to the dining room, a shocked expression on her face. "Killian, you didn't have to go through all of this trouble." Her voice was soft, full of awe.

He smiled widely. "Of course I did, love. You deserve the best." He patted the seat next to him. "Sit, let's enjoy our meal."

She moved quickly, placing the bowl on the table before joining him. Clasping his hand, she met his eyes. "Thank you for dinner, Killian, and thank you for going through so much trouble."

He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently. "Thank you for joining me tonight."

Releasing her hand, he cut a piece of lasagna and placed it on her plate before adding one to his own. She did the same with the salad. For the first couple of minutes, they ate in silence. It was not unusual for them, once food was on Emma's plate… she tended to have a one track mind. It was instinct from her days in the system, one he normally found quite endearing.

Today, however, he wished she would talk. He had a lot on his mind - like blurting out what he'd discussed with Regina - and the silence was not helping matters. He didn't want to tell her now, not right in the middle of their meal. He wanted to wait until they had a quiet moment after. That would be better, right?

He shook his head to clear his mind. Maybe it would be better if he'd just told her now. That way he wouldn't have to dwell on it for the rest of the meal. He could tell her, get it off his chest, and deal with her reaction. That seemed like the better option…

He swallowed roughly. "I spoke to Regina today." He hoped his voice sounded more confident than he felt.

"Really?" She turned her gaze to meet his eyes. "What did she say?"

He stretched his neck, nervously. "It wasn't so much what she had to say, it was was I had to say…"

Emma cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "And what did you have to say?" An eyebrow rose.

He placed his hand on the table before lifting it to run his fingers through his hair. His gaze dropped to the table. He took a deep breath and met her eyes. "That I was quitting the band."

His heart beated rapidly in his chest as he waited for her response. Her fork dropping to the table was the only sound he heard. He watched as her features shifted from confusion to surprise, then back.

"I don't…" Her mouth opened slightly and closed. "I am not sure I understand. How can you just  _quit_ the band?"

"Really the timing was quite perfect, love. The next album is finished and going into recording in a couple of days. Robin is taking over on lead vocals. I'm completely free of any and all obligations to The Dashing Rapscallions per Regina." His eyes continued to hold her gaze.

"But, this is your career, Killian, your dream!" Her voice rose slightly at the end, not in anger though, in surprise.

He scooted his chair back, propelling his body forward he moved to kneel on the floor next to her. Grasping both hands in his, he stared into her befuddled eyes.

"You're correct, love, it was my dream and I lived it. But in doing so, I lost sight of what was truly important to me, of what truly mattered." He squeezed her hands.

"What truly mattered?" She murmured softly, her voice shaking.

His pained eyes bore into hers. He'd thought -  _hoped_ \- that his actions over the last four months had shown her what she meant to him, had shown her that he was placing her first in his life. But, of course she didn't know how he felt, didn't understand. How could she? He'd spent the last five years too involved in his own life to pay attention to her, to notice when she needed him. That was his mistake and it was time he fixed it.

"Don't you know, Emma?" He spoke slowly, deliberately, reaching up to cup her cheek. His features reflected only the intense love he felt for the woman in front of him. She was his wife, his best friend, his other half, his happy ending. She was everything he could ever want or need.

"It's you." His voice wobbled at the weight of his words, at the weight of his confession. His head tilted slightly and his hair fell onto his forehead, his eyebrows knit together. He stared at her, his eyes serious and full of nothing but the truth about his feelings for her. He would chose her over his career, over his dreams, over anything. His need to spend his life with her trumped everything else.

He felt her inhale sharply, but he continued to speak. "Nothing matters without you by my side. I want to spend my life with you and I want to do it in Storybrooke because Storybrooke is our home." Silent now, his eyes pleaded with her to understand.

Tears fell from her eyes. "You shouldn't… I can't ask you to give up your dreams for me, Killian."

He felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He caressed her cheek softly. "You're not asking me to do anything. This is something that I want to do, that I need to do. I need to put you first, Emma. I want to be with you everyday and if I continue with the band… we both know that I would eventually have to leave for long periods of time. I don't want that for us. I want what we've had the last four months."

"But what will you do for work? You can't just sit home all day…" She wiped the tears from her cheek.

He smiled. "I've been considering songwriting. I quite enjoy it and, from what I hear, I am pretty good at it." He winked and could finally feel himself relaxing at her light giggle.

"This is what you really want? You promise?" He could see the hope shining in her eyes.

"Aye." He nodded confidently. "This is what I want."

The next thing he knew, Emma had thrown herself out of her chair and into his arms. Sitting on the floor, next to the dining table, he held her as she cupped his face in both of her hands.

"Then this is what I want." She whispered, her voice a little more rough than usual. His stomach clenched as he ran his tongue across his bottom lip. Her eyes were full of want, desire. His heart sped up as he realized she wasn't referring to his career any longer.

She surged forward, her lips meeting his in desperate kiss as her hands tangled in his hair. His eyes slipped closed. Warm. Her lips were warm… and soft. So soft. He groaned. His fingers inched up her back. When his fingertips finally made it to the base of her neck, where the material of her dress ended, she shivered. Tiny bumps formed on her warm skin. Goosebumps. His fingers traveled further up until finding the elastic that held her hair up. Pulling gently, he released her flowing locks. Tangling his fingers in her golden tresses, he pressed her harder against him. Her soft body molded into his and she ran her tongue across his lip, his mouth opened to deepen the kiss.

For a moment, he was lost, lost in the sensation of her. They'd shared so many kisses over the course of their relationship, but this one was different. This one was raw passion, it was full of desire, it was a beginning. Her mouth moved from his. Slowly, she pressed open mouth kisses along his jaw. This kiss that meant she was ready, ready to move forward, to finally be a family again. It was the kiss he'd thought he'd received when his tour had ended. But, he'd been wrong then. Her hands began to unbutton his shirt. His breath hitched. What if he were wrong now? Just like last time, he'd just made a startling confession to her. She could very well be reacting the same way. Shaking his head, his hands rose and pressed gently on her shoulders as he pulled himself out of her reach.

He couldn't make the same mistake he had last time. He'd let himself fall into bed with her too soon and she had ran. He shouldn't do this, not until he was sure this was what she truly wanted.

"Hey. Maybe we should slow down, love. We don't have to…" His words trailed off as she placed a finger to his lips.

"I know we don't." She murmured as she rested her forehead against his. "But, I want to. I want this, Killian." He held his hand up to protest, but she continued. "I'm not going to run. I promise. I will not run again."

His heart skipped a beat. It was like she'd read his mind and knew his deepest fear. He pulled away to meet her eyes and he found nothing but honestly in them. Well, maybe honestly and  _desire._

"You're sure?" He was barely able to restrain himself, but he needed to double check. If they did this, there was no turning back, no do-overs. If they did this and she ran, he would never recover.

She nodded, her eyes shining with confidence. A bright, easy smile formed. "I'm sure. Take me to bed, husband."

_Bloody hell._ His resolve broke the moment he heard her call him husband for the first time in months. His arms reached out and yanked her body to his, their lips met in a searing kiss. A blissful sigh escaped from her as he hummed lightly. They needed to get upstairs. Standing quickly, her hands wrap around his neck. Her ankles locked around his back and she pressed her body into his, their kiss never hands tangled in his hair while his trail down her spin to cup her ass.  _Now. They needed to get upstairs, now._

His kisses turned sloppy as he strode to the stairs. The steps groaned at he took them two at a time. His kisses turned sloppy, his need for her almost overwhelming. His feet had only just landed in the hallway before he stopped and pressed her back against the wall. Breaking the kiss, he trailed kisses along her jaw, down her neck. She tasted like cinnamon and he couldn't get enough. His head spun with a need to be closer, to fell her against him. His lips found her shoulder and he bit down lightly. The action caused her to squirm in his arms and press herself closer. He was intoxicated. Her warmth, her scent, it's everywhere. Her lips moved to his ear and she whispered words such as  _please, now, want._ He cursed under his breath.

Spinning quickly, he pulled her body from the wall. She'd asked for a bed and he was bloody well going to provide her with one. There room was right down the hall. His mouth found hers again as he moved into the room. Knees hitting the bed, he fell forward with her still in his arms.

Her hands found his shirt buttons again and this time, this time he didn't pull away.

* * *

 

He floated on the edge of consciousness, his eyes opening slightly. His arm tightened around Emma's waist and she pressed her body against his. Inhaling deeply, he kept his eyes closed as he rolled his head toward her and buried his nose in her hair. Her scent enveloped him and the corners of his mouth turned up into a small smile. This right here, waking up with his arms wrapped around his lass -  _his wife_ \- was why he hadn't second guessed his decision to leave the band. Waking up with her was a dream, one he never wanted to wake up from.

Her leg slid between his as her fingers ran lightly down his chest, pulling him from his sleep even more. Slowly, his eyes opened only to find she was already awake, awake and staring up at him with a blissful smile.

"Good morning, handsome." Her voice was hoarse from sleep, but her coquettish tone prompted him to open his eyes fully.

His eyes met hers and his breath caught in his throat. Her eyes, her beautiful emerald eyes, were twinkling. They twinkled with happiness and, more importantly, playfulness. He hadn't seen her this relaxed in months, possibly years. To know that he was the cause, that he had finally put his family first and was now witnessing the benefits of those actions caused warmth to spread throughout his chest.

He pressed a kiss to her nose. "Good morning, my love."

She giggled and popped up on her elbow to press a quick kiss to his lips before relaxing back into his side. His heart felt like it would explode from his chest. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let her go again.

"I don't want to get up. I don't want this morning to end. This perfect, perfect morning." She spoke the words into his chest as if she'd read his mind.

Staring at the top of her head, he twirled a lock of golden hair in his fingers and grinned. "Then, let's not. We can stay here all day today and all day tomorrow since it's a weekend."

Really, it sounded like a perfect plan to him. He'd been without her for so long, for too long, that he was more than willing to devote a couple of days to simply  _being_  with her. The last few months had been incredible, they'd been exactly what they had needed to begin mending their relationship, but he'd forgotten what it was like to wake up next to his wife. That was something that he was more than willing to fix, now that he knew she wanted it too.

She shifted her body, her hands rested flat on his chest atop each other and she set her chin on them. His fingers traced small, light circles into her bare back as he gazed into her eyes.

"That's not going to work." She spoke matter of factly while smiling at him coyly.

"And why's that?" He returned her smile with a smirk of his own.

Her eyes crinkled from the smile that formed on her face. She bit her lip and he wondered what she was plotting in that brilliant brain of hers.

"Because…" Her tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip and he thought he would die from the anticipation alone. "At some point in the next couple of days we'll need to stop by Ruby's to get my stuff."

It was as if his entire body was aflame. His heart beat rapidly, his stomach fluttered wildly. He'd never expected her to… but now that she'd said it, he realized that a small part of him was waiting for this moment, for the moment they would finally truly be together again. It seemed, at least to him, that moment had finally arrived.

His arms wrapped around her waist and he hauled her up so that their faces were only centimeters apart. He searched her eyes for any indication that she had regretted what she'd said and found none. She was confident in her decision, he could tell and because of that he closed the distance between them by pressing his lips against hers.

It had been a long, hard road. A road that was full of pain and heartache. There were times that he'd never thought they would never make it here, where he thought he'd lost the most important person in his life. The journal had caused him to grow up, to look at his life and decide what was important to him, to decide  _who_ was important to him.

And that person was, and would alway be, Emma.

He knew that they still had a long way to go. There was a lot of healing left, for both of them, but eventually they would be okay. If they could make it through this, they could survive anything.

They had fixed each other in a way neither had thought possible, in a way neither had expected. Love was funny like that.

Sometimes it hurt, but sometimes…

Sometimes it healed, too.


	16. Epilogue - Both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last time, just so you all know how awesome these people are... My amazing betas for the duration of this fic were the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie. Then there is o-u-a-timer who, literally, is the reason I even stuck with this fic. These three ladies pushed me so much when it came to this fic. I am a better writer simply because of them. I cannot thank you enough Mona, Lady, and Amy.
> 
> Here it is... the epilogue. I hope you all like it. This fic has been my baby. It's the first fic I put my entire heart and sole into. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it and I hope you find the ending to be exactly what you needed.
> 
> I am not sure when my next mult-chapter will be. I have one that I am working out the kinks on, but I want to get it mostly written before I post... and seeing as I am currently teaching full time, working on my second masters degree, and have a family to take care off, I am not sure when that will be. There will be some short one-shots to hold you over until then.
> 
> Thank you for all of the kudos and reviews. They really make writing worth it.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Three years ago._

_Killian glared out at the scene occurring in their front yard. There were paparazzi everywhere. It seemed that no matter how many interviews he'd agreed to do, they would simply not leave him and Emma be. When he quit the band, he knew there would be ramifications… he just never thought they would still be happening three months later._

" _You know…" Her voice came from behind him. He turned his head to meet her twinkling eyes. "Staring at them isn't going to make them go away."_

_He huffed in annoyance and pivoted to pull her into his arms. His nose buried in her hair and he breathed in her scent. "I know, love. I just had plans for a lovely picnic at the park today and those wankers are preventing me from taking my lass out."_

_She rubbed her nose against his chest as she pressed herself further into his arms. He marveled, and not for the first time, at the feeling of her. His lips formed a straight line. Not too long ago, he'd thought he would never have this again. But, he had been wrong._

_So much had happened in the past three months since Emma had agreed to move back in. They had continued in seeing Dr. Hopper and their relationship was that much better for it. Emma had also continued her solo sessions as a way to deal with her own personal issues. It turned out that there were loads of bands willing to hire the great_ Killian Jones  _as a lyricist, so he had no trouble finding work._

_In short, they were happy. Dare he say, happier than they had ever been… even in the beginning. The one thing he was not happy about was the fact that the paparazzi had taken to camping out just outside of their gate everyday. Apparently, him leaving the band was still interesting news even weeks later._

" _What if…" He tilted his head down and caught her biting her lip. A grin broke out as soon as their eyes met. "What if I told you I wasn't really feeling up to going out today anyway?"_

_The smirk on her face gave her intentions away completely, but he did so enjoy teasing her. He scratched his neck._

" _Would you rather watch a movie, love, or perhaps read a novel?"_

_She shook her head. "Nope. I'd like to do something more...enjoyable."_

_He leaned his forehead against hers as he tried to steady his heart. "Enjoyable you say? What did you have in mind?"_

" _Oh. I think you know." She pressed her body against his and he bit back a groan._

" _Aye, I think I do." He hooked his arm under her knees and drew her body upwards. His lips found hers moments later as he made his way to the stairs._

_Like he said, happy._

* * *

 

Emma's eyes shifted between the two outfits laying next to her on the bed. It really really shouldn't be this hard to pick one. It was just… this meeting was important. If even one thing went wrong they wouldn't be able to… She shook her head. Everything would be perfect. It had to be. Perfect, just like the past three years had been.

She couldn't stop her lips from forming an easy smile. Killian had slipped right into the songwriter role for his previous band, as well as many others. In return, she had cut back on the amount of hours she worked during the week. They had spent the last three years focusing solely on their marriage, on who they were as individuals and what they needed in order to be happy.

It had been a long road, one that wasn't always easy, but they got there. Just as Killian always said they would. Her head tilted and she caught sight of the photos on her bedside table. The first one was the same one that she'd always kept there. The same one that Killian had looked for and instead found her paperwork from the hospital. Next to it, however, was the new addition. In the photo, they stood in front of their bench, her in a white sundress and him in his slacks, button up, and no tie, while they exchanged marriage vows again.

Renewing their vows was something they had talked about doing for awhile. It had meant a new beginning, one where they could leave all of their hurt, all of their mistakes, and all of their pain, behind. They'd kept it simple, just their closest friends in attendance. Having it at their bench had been an easy choice. That bench was where she'd agreed to give their marriage another chance, it was only fitting that their new marriage start there, too.

That had been a year and a half ago. Her hand brushed over the fabric of the sundress on the bed. A year and a half and now they were preparing for what could be the biggest meeting of their lives. That was, if everything went the way they had hoped and planned for.

From downstairs, she heard Killian shut the front door. A moment later, his voice travelled up the steps.

"Emma, love? Are you ready? We need to go now, if we don't wish to be late."

Her hand clenched around the fabric of the dress as she pulled it to her chest. He sounded just as nervous as she felt. Which, if she were honest, was comforting. It let her know he wanted this as much as she did, that he was in this  _with_  her. She stood up from the bed and slipped into the dress.

Taking one last glance in the full mirror on the wall, she turned and walked out of the room. Hopefully, by the time she was back in this house later they would have everything they'd ever wanted.

* * *

 

His leg bounced uncontrollably. In front of him sat Mr. Darling as he shifted through the paperwork. To his left, Emma shifted in her seat. Her back was stiff, eyes trained on the man in front of them. Their hands were intertwined between them and he lightly squeezed her smaller hand in reassurance. Her eyes met his and the corners of her lips lifted ever so slightly. She was nervous.

Bloody hell, he was nervous. They had worked so long and so hard to reach this place, to make it to this step. The idea that something as trivial as paperwork could keep it all from happening… it was almost too much.

He combed the fingers of his free hand through his hair and returned Emma's smile. Mr. Darling cleared his throat in front of them. Killian looked over just in time to see the man set the paperwork on his desk.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Jones… it seems all of the paperwork is in order."

It was like a weight had been lifted. He felt his shoulders sag as he released a breath. Emma's body relaxed next to him.

"Truly?" Her voice was a soft murmur in an otherwise silent room.

Mr. Darling smiled widely. "Truly, Mrs. Jones. Now if you will just follow me. I believe we have the room set up for you."

Killian watched as Mr. Darling rose from his chair and made his way to the office door. His gaze shifted to Emma and he could see the tears in the corner of her eyes. He moved on impulse and pulled her into his arms, a hand rising to cradle her head.

"It's okay, love. We did it. It's really happening." He placed a kiss atop her head.

"I know." She mumbled into his shirt. "I love you, Killian Jones. So much."

His hand flexed in her hair and he closed his eyes gently. There was a time when he never thought they would be here, again. But they were.

They were.

* * *

 

His eyes were blue, like Killian's, but everything she'd read told her they may change eventually. The thing that wouldn't change were the dark curls. For being only a month old, he had a lot of hair. She rocked slowly in her chair, it was almost an involuntary response to the situation. Looking into his eyes, she felt like her heart would burst from her chest.

The door to the room opened and Killian walked in a moment later. She lifted her eyes to meet his. He had stopped just inside, his eyes full of wonder, of happiness, of love.

"How's he doing?" He whispered as not to startle their son.  _Their son._

She smiled. "He's perfect." Her thumb gently caressed a chubby cheek.

"Just like his mum." He had moved to kneel next to her, his hand wiping across the tiny forehead. "Welcome home, Liam Jones. Your mother and I have been waiting for you for a long time."

HIs eyes met hers and she felt the tears forming once more. Her heart, her body, so full of happiness she felt like she would explode with it. She realized, then, that it had all been worth it because it had led them here. It had led them to each other.

It had led them to Liam.

She remembered that at one time she'd felt she would never be a mother because of all she has lost, but she'd been wrong. Being a mother wasn't a biological thing… it was something else entirely.

It was what she was now, as she held her son in her arms.


	17. Epilogue Two - Pretty Damn Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Follower Appreciation Prompt: letter found in an old notebook au, requested on tumblr by villains-happy-ending.
> 
> Wow. I can't believe I returned to this verse. This story has been getting so much love lately, that I felt inpired to return to it. So much so that when I took a look at my follower prompts and I read this one, this idea formed and would not leave me. This one gets a little angsty, but that should not be surprising.
> 
> Also, it has no been beta'ed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

_Five Years Later._

Waving her hand through the air, Emma attempted to keep from breathing in the dust that had dispersed in the air after she'd opened the box. Killian had taken their now five year old son, Liam, with him to the grocery and Harper, their one year old daughter, was in her room napping.

A grin formed as she thought about her children. Being a mother was everything she could have ever hoped for. Especially after thinking she would never have the chance to be one. Adopting Liam, and later Harper, had filled the hole in her heart that she hadn't realized she still had and she could not be prouder of her two little ones.

Liam had grown into a carbon copy of Killian, so much so that it was not uncommon for her to come home and find Killian with Liam in his lap as he showed him how to play the guitar. He'd started kindergarten this past August and she would be lying if she said she didn't cry when she'd dropped him off at Storybrooke Elementary.

Then there was Harper. There was no doubt in their minds that they wanted to adopt another child, but it was a matter of timing. Killian had wanted to adopt again almost the moment Liam had started walking. He'd missed having a tiny baby in the house. She had wanted to wait, too nervous about whether or not she could be a good mother to two children.

When Liam had turned three, she knew she was ready. They had found Harper almost six months later and when she was born, she came right home with them. Now, here they were a year later and their little blonde haired, blue eyed princess was everything they could have ever wanted. Even Liam had taken to his role as big brother flawlessly.

Remembering the task at hand, Emma frowned as she looked into the box she'd just opened. The box that definitely did not contain what she was looking for. She'd come up to the attic with the intention of locating the Christmas tree. Thanksgiving was in two days and she really wanted to have the tree up the next day, so it was time to locate it in their attic. The only problem was that Killian was the one to pack it away last year, so she had no idea where the box was. And, of course, Killian had not labeled the damned thing.

Sighing in frustration, she ran her fingers through her long locks. She reached down to pick up the lid and place it back on the box when the paper on top caught her eye. Suddenly, she knew exactly what was in that box. Falling to her knees, she picked up the article with trembling hands.

**SINGLE AT LAST: KILLIAN JONES, LEAD SINGER OF THE DASHING RAPSCALLIONS AND PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, SPLITS FROM WIFE.**

She felt her eyes tear up as they filtered across the headline of  _US Weekly_. Her fingers traced each one of the letters slowly. It wasn't often she allowed herself to think about that period of her life, about how she'd almost lost Killian and her happy ending, but when the words were right in front of her face it was hard to not go back there.

Her eyes closed as the memories came to the forefront of her mind. She remembered the look on Killian's face as she walked out on him that day, how it felt to watch him on the television with Tink hanging on his arm, hell she even remembered what he looked like that day at David and Mary Margaret's cook out. Every voicemail, every look, every touch was etched in her brain.

Taking a deep breath, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Why was she even crying? It had been nine years. She was over it. Killian was here and she had Liam and Harper. It was just… That had honestly been the lowest point in her life, for so many reasons, and it still hurt to think about it. It still hurt that she had been so close to losing it all, to losing herself.

Dropping the article to the floor, she fanned herself in an attempt to calm down. Killian would be home soon and the last thing she wanted was for him to come home and see her like this. He eyes drifted back to the box. On top was a paper she had never seen before, a paper full of Killian's flowing handwriting. Reaching out, she picked the paper up and gasped as she scanned the page. It was a letter from Killian to her.

_In all honesty, I've no bloody clue why I am writing this. It is not as if I will ever send it and you've made it quite clear that you've no intention to speak to me again. Perhaps it is the songwriter in me that needs to get this down to process the events of the last several months and try to understand them in someway or maybe, since I've no one else to speak to, this is the best way for me to simply move on…_

_But that is the entire issue, my love. I can never move on from you. There will never be another for me, Emma. If this divorce goes through, if you truly sever your ties with me, I will spend the rest of my days alone. I've no desire to meet another. Why would I, when you are the only one for me? That is how it has always been and how it always will be._

_I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you that day on campus. Helping you find that damned building was the best thing that ever happened to me because it lead me to you, to my true love._

Emma paused, eyes focusing on the walls as she blinked back tears. She'd never known he'd written this, let alone saved it. It felt as though there was a heavy weight on her chest. She could feel the pain radiating from his words, the helplessness, and the desire to understand. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes returned to the letter.

_Why did you leave me, Emma love? What could I have done to you that was so great that you decided to never see me again, to never even speak to me? I promise you, if you just tell me I will fix it no matter the cost. If you asked me for the moon, I would find a way to give it to you._

_Do you remember that first night in our house? It was just the two of us, bodies wrapped around each other in the sleeping bag because we had no furniture. I remember the way you smiled, the way you laughed as I kissed my way down your neck. We were so in love with each other, with life. I would give anything to go back there, to go back to when I was confident in your love for me._

_I can't even sleep in our bedroom anymore. Our bed is too big, too empty, without you next to me. Is this how I am going to feel for the rest of my life? Like a part of me is missing, like I am incomplete in some way._

_Tell me, my love, how do I fix something when I don't even know how it broke? How do I mend a broken heart when… when the other half wants nothing to do with me?_

_They say 'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,' but they have no bloody clue what it was like to love you, Emma. You were my sun, my true north, the other half of everything I am, and to lose that… well, I guess I am finding out._

_Please, just come home. We can fix our problems. I can change. I just… I need you in my arms._

_I need you._

Tears were trailing down her cheeks now, her hands shook so badly the letter fell to the floor. She had put him through so much pain, so much hurt, that sometimes she wondered why he'd wanted to fix their relationship to begin with. Why did he…

Strong arms encircled her waist and pulled her back until her body met a solid chest. Killian's scent, a mix of sea salt and musk, gave him away immediately. Her body sagged in relief as she spun and buried her face in his shirt. She was so thankful he was here.

"Hey, hey now, my love." His fingers combed through her hair gently. "What is going on? Why are you up here crying?"

She shook her head, unable to articulate the pain that reading his letter had caused. Killian did not pry. He knew she needed a moment. He always knew when she did. They had spent so long, a total of six years, in couple's therapy so they both had a pretty good idea of what the other needed during times of distress. Instead, he just swayed slightly with her in his arms, his fingers trailing lightly down her back as he whispered words of love and devotion into her ear.

After several minutes, she pulled back and met his gaze with a thin smile. "Thank you. I just needed a moment to collect myself."

Killian nodded, his hand cupping her cheek. "Tis not a problem, love. Now, tell me what has you so vexed?"

Bending at the waist, she picked the letter up from the floor and handed it to him. "I found this while looking for the christmas tree."

His eyes widened, a hand came up to pull the hair at the nape of his neck. "I didn't realize I kept this…" His words trailed off as he scanned the page.

She shrugged, shifting from foot to foot. "I didn't even know you wrote it and I guess it just reminded me of that time, of when I almost lost you."

His grin shocked her as he shook his head. "Emma, love, you would have never lost me completely, not even now. It was a difficult time, yes, but I don't see it that way." She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued. "We both grew so much in that year and we are stronger because of it. It nearly killed me going through it, but now? Now I see it as something that brought us closer. Do you honestly think we would be where we are today or how happy we are if you had never kicked my arse into gear by filing for divorce?"

She bit the inside of her cheek as she dried her eyes with the back of her shirt. He was right, as he normally was when it came to these things. If she hadn't filed, they would likely still be in the same holding pattern, except they would likely resent each other now. Her hand reached out and intertwined with his. "No, we wouldn't be."

Balling the letter in his hand, he threw it behind him. A soft thud was heard as the letter landed somewhere behind him and he tugged on their joined hands to pull her closer. "Exactly and I, for one, love where we are. We have two beautiful children, I am one of the most sought after songwriters in the business, and you… you, my love, completely restructured the foster system in our town and now more lost children are finding their forever home. I couldn't be prouder."

Looking up into his eyes, she couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face. Somehow, after seventeen years of marriage, Killian always found a way to make her fall in love with him even more. Lifting up on her tiptoes, she curled her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. Her eyes closed as he tightened he encircled her waist and pulled her against him to the point that there was no space between them.

What started out as a chaste kiss quickly turned into something else. Killian tilted his head as he wiped his tongue over her bottom lip and she moaned and opened her mouth in response. One of his hands tangled itself in her long locks as she attempted to lift herself higher to gain leverage. He had begun to walk her backwards, likely looking to press her back into a wall when a piercing wail caused them to jump apart.

They were both breathing heavily, her hand coming to rest over her heart, and it took a moment for her to realize that Harper had likely woken up. Her eyes found Killian's and she could help but giggle as she took in his wrecked look.

"To be continued?" She asked with a raised brow.

He nodded. "Aye." The left corner of his mouth lifted and a smirk formed on his lips as he looked at her with a glint in his eyes. "You know, love, Mary Margaret and David owe us an overnight visit for watching Neal last weekend."

She could see the wheels turning in his head because they were turning in her own. A night alone with her husband sounded like a perfect idea. "You are right they do. I will take care of Harper. You check on Liam and give David a call?"

"As you wish, Mrs. Jones." He gave a little bow and then pointed in the corner of the attic. "By the way, love, the tree is over there with the rest of the red and green christmas bins."

Her head jerked to look at the bins and she rolled her eyes. Red and green. Of course. By the time she turned back toward her husband he was halfway down the steps to the hallway. Her hair swayed back in forth as she shook her head once more. Below her, she could hear Harper babbling in her crib.

She glanced in the direction Killian had thrown the letter and made a step toward it before changing her mind and walking toward the steps. It was in the past and, therefore, she should not dwell on it. That was what Dr. Hopper always told them.

Besides, what good was it to live in the past when her future had turned out pretty damn great?


	18. Epilogue Three - Surprises and Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been 11 years since Killian has been on the stage with The Dashing Rapscallions. 11 years and so much as changed and, in some ways, nothing has changed at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So way back in February the lovely Mayquita celebrated her birthday and requested some fluff from this lovely verse. Of course, I am always happy to return to this one as it has a special place in my heart. Unfortunately life got in the way and this took me FOREVER to get finished. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this little piece of Killian and Emma's future with their children just as much as I did writing it.
> 
> Tere: You are a wonderful friend and I am so thankful to have met you! I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Quick thank you to all of those who have favorited and followed this fic. The last two weeks have seen a spike in favorites and followers and that made me smile! So, thank you for being so awesome!
> 
> (On a separate note: I know many of you are waiting on the next chapter of Learning to Love (Again) and rest assured that it is in the works. I have two more prompts to finish before I can get to it and writing is slow lately as school, and work, is kicking my butt. Thank you all for your patience!)

Three Years Later. 

 

Bloody hell. Killian’s hands shook as he whispered the words into the emptiness of the room. Bloody hell.  His fingers tapped lightly against his jean covered thigh in a pattern even he could not decipher.  _ Bloody hell.  _ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath attempting to settle his rapidly beating heart. Why was he so nervous? Why was he… 

 

Sighing, he opened his eyes to run his fingers through his hair, pulling gently as he reached the ends. He shouldn’t be this nervous and yet… Perhaps it was because it had been eleven years since he’d been in a room like this one, eleven years since he’d felt this energy simmering just below his skin, eleven years since he’d felt this rush. 

 

It had been eleven years since he’d given all of  _ this _ up. 

 

Not that he regretted it. No. He could never regret the decision he’d made all those years ago. He could never regret choosing Emma, choosing his happy ending. His life was everything he’d ever wanted it to be, everything he ever hoped it could be. 

 

Waking up next to Emma every morning, waking up to her nose pressed gently into his neck, her body molded into his side, her breathing even as she slept peacefully without a care in the world … that was something he could never live without. As was the sound of Liam’s laughter, the way Harper squealed ‘Papa’ as he tickled her sides, teaching Liam to play guitar, and singing Harper to sleep every evening. Each and every moment he’d spent with Emma, with Liam, with Harper was worth leaving the band. 

 

Yet when Regina approached him several weeks ago with a request to join The Dashing Rapscallions in LA for a reunion show… Alas, there was a part of him that wished for nothing more. There was a part of him that could not deny that he missed performing, missed the rush of the crowd, missed singing his songs to a sold out arena. He may have given it up for the sake of his marriage, for his happy ending, but a part of him wanted to do this show. 

 

Thankfully, Emma had been in full support of his return to the stage. In fact, he had barely been able to inform her of Regina’s request before she’d rose onto her toes and pressed the curves of her body into his. She’d twisted her arms around his neck, while her lips stopped just inches from his own and insisted that he agree. To be quite honest, it had taken him a moment to remember what they had been speaking of after he’d lost himself to the sensation of his wife’s body against his own. 

 

Three weeks of late night rehearsals followed that day, three weeks of relearning the songs he used to know by heart, of reliving the life he used to love. A smile formed on his lips. Getting prepared for this show was like putting on his old pair of converses (both mentally and physically), it had been like no time had past since the last time he’d performed. 

 

He lifted his gaze from the floor to his phone sitting on the couch by his guitar. Time most certainly had passed however. The past three weeks had been bloody amazing, except he missed his family. He missed his evenings home with Emma and the children, he missed family dinners, and bedtime stories. He had been excited to participate in the show, but he was more than ready to return to his life after this show was over. 

 

The fact of the matter was, Killian Jones was no longer a rock star and he hadn’t been for a very long time, which was likely the cause for his nervousness. Well, that, and the fact that Emma would not be able to attend the show as she had a late meeting for work. He’d hoped to at least speak with her before the show began, hoped to catch her as she returned home from work even if only to hear her wish him luck, but it didn’t seem as though that would be occurring. Given the late hour, she was likely putting the children to bed and hadn’t gotten the chance to call.  

 

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. Barely a second later, the door opened to reveal Regina Mills-Hood, dressed in her trademark black sheath dress and red heels, tapping lightly at the watch on her wrist. 

 

“Time to go, Jones. Your adoring fans await you, as do the boys.” She held the door open with her back and swept her hand through the air toward the hallway. 

 

He stood quickly, one hand wrapping around the neck of his guitar and the other grabbing his phone, before making his way to her. “Aye. Many thanks for the escort, your majesty. Although, you could have just sent Scarlet to retrieve me.”

 

She shook her head, eyes rolling. “We both know if I would have sent that idiot, neither of you would have made it to the stage on time.”

 

He winked, shrugging his shoulders. “Aye, too true lass.” He clicked the button the side of his phone, checking once more for a message from Emma and finding the screen blank. 

 

He felt his heart sink. He shouldn’t be disappointed, he knew she was contending with two children completely alone, but he was. Hearing her voice just once before the show would settle his nerves and he couldn’t help but be a bit selfish in this moment. 

 

Clicking the the button once more, the screen returned to black and his gaze rose to find Regina staring at him, her lips curled into a mischievous smile. He cocked his eyebrow and shoved his phone into the pocket of his black jeans. “Know something I do not, you majesty?”

 

Her smile grew wider as she shook her head. “I am just shocked that even after all these years you still can fit into those skinny jeans, Jones. The fangirls are going to love it.”

 

The fingers of his free hand ran through his hair as he nodded his head. He was dressed in black skinny jeans, a black v-neck, black converses, and his black motorcycle jacket. The outfit had been Emma’s idea, as it was strikingly similar to what he used to wear eleven years prior. He only wished she could have been here to see it. 

 

Arriving to the green room where the rest of the band waited, Killian shook his head. He needed to focus on the show and stop pouting about Emma’s lack of contact. He’d just have to speak to her after they’d finished up for the evening. Pulling his phone out one last time, he typed her a quick message before returning it to his pocket. His lips curled into a grin. 

 

It was almost show time. 

* * *

“Thank you so much for all of your help, Little John.” Emma gave the head of security a thankful grin as she removed Harper from her hip to put her in in the seat in the front row. “There is no telling how long it would have taken to find our seats without you. I forgot how big this arena was.”

 

John waved her off with a roll of his eyes. “Please, Emma, it is nothing. I don’t trust the rest of the crew to get you here without it getting back to Killian and we both know you and Regina have worked too hard to keep your attendance a surprise.”

 

Her eyes softened at the man she had known for a large chunk of her life. John Little, or Little John as he prefered to be called, had been apart of the band’s security since the beginning. He’d slowly worked his way up and had been the head of security for the last five years. He was family, in the same way Robin, Smee, and Will were. 

 

“Well I and the kids thank you.” She laughed as she pointed to her children. Ever the protective older brother, Liam had taken the seat next to Harper and had his arm slung over her shoulders. Harper in turn was resting her head on Liam’s shoulder as he used Emma’s phone to play the ‘Watch Disney Junior’ app for his four-year-old sister. She could tell Harper was trying her best to ignore the loudness in the room as her tiny hand had come up to rest over the ear not on Liam’s chest. Liam, on the other hand, was taking in his environment with wide eyes. It seemed as though he could not stop darting his eyes in every which direction to take in the thousands of people all around them. 

 

Turning back to Little John, she cocked her head to the side. “Or at least they would say thank you if they were not so occupied with technology. I swear, it is all they care about any more. I mean here we are at a show for an internationally famous rock band where their father is going to play and they can’t pull their faces away from the screen.” She shook her head in exasperation.

 

John laughed, a full bodied sound that caused his stomach to shake with the force of it. “Kids these days.” A voice sounded over the radio on his hip indicating the show was about to start. “Well, that’s my cue lass. Enjoy the show. We’ll catch up after, yeah?”

 

She nodded affirmatively before he’d turned and walked down aisle. After he was out of sight, her gaze turned to the stage in front of her and her heart skipped in her chest, a wistful smile on her lips. It had been so long since she’d been to a show. Being here reminded her of the beginnings of everything, of late nights on the tour bus as she tried to finish her degree, of sitting on the side of the stage and sneaking kisses between songs, of sight seeing in every city they visited. It reminded her of life before things got complicated and painful. 

 

Not that things were still complicated or painful. No. In fact, they were the exact opposite. Her and Killian could not be happier. She had her happy ending and she could never regret the path they had taken to get it. 

 

She shook her head and took in the room around her. The entire arena was abuzz with excitement for the show. It was crazy to think that a band that had been playing for almost twenty years was still able to sell out arenas, but The Dashing Rapscallions had no problem doing so. In fact, their last tour had sold out every show. Add to that the fact that Killian was returning for this show only and, well, it made sense. The media had been hounding Killian to do a reunion show since he quit the band and he’d always refused. That alone had made this particular show sell out. 

 

“Mom?” Liam’s voice had her abandoning her thoughts and turning toward him.

 

His dark hair was a mop on top of his head, his blue eyes trained on her form. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was not Killian’s biologically, they looked so alike in so many ways. She also had a hard time believing that he’d turned eight this year. It seemed like just yesterday they had arrived home with him for the first time. The same applied to Harper as well, of course, who had just turned four. 

 

“What’s up, little man?” She asked and held in a giggle when Liam groaned in annoyance. He’d hit the stage where he hated being referred to as little, much to her and Killian’s amusement. 

 

“Dad just texted you.” He handed her the phone before turning his attention back to Harper who was trying to hide behind her chair, likely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people in the room.. 

 

Taking her seat, she swiped her finger across the screen to open the text from Killian. 

 

_ Getting ready to take the stage, my love. I had hoped to speak with you before the show began, alas it seems that was just wishful thinking. Give the children my love and I will call as soon as the show ends. I love you. Always and forever. _

 

Shutting off the phone, she lifted her finger to swipe at a tear that had formed in her eye before those around her saw it. Some of them may actually recognize her and that was the last thing she wanted. Handing the phone back to Liam, she bit her bottom lip. She had hated lying to him for the last week, but she’d wanted this to be a surprise. When Killian had initially agreed to the show, she’d had a huge meeting for work that she had been unable to get out of which meant she’d be unable to attend. It sucked, but that was life. Then, a week ago, the meeting had to be rescheduled and instead of telling Killian she could go, she’d called Regina and secured three tickets for her and the kids as a surprise. She only hoped Killian would be as excited as she, Liam, and Harper were.

 

The lights in the arena began to dim and the people around her rushed to their seats. Harper let out a yelp and rushed into her lap causing Liam to roll his eyes and shake his head.

 

“What’s the matter, Harps?” Emma asked her daughter as she burrowed in her chest. “Papa will be on soon, little love.”

 

“Yeah!” Liam leaned over so his face was inches from his sisters. “Are you ready to see Papa, Harper? It won’t be dark when he gets on stage.” He ruffled his sister’s hair gently. 

 

Harper smiled, her brown eyes bright with anticipation as she reached out to boop her brother’s nose. “Papa is going to take the darkness away, Li! I not scared anymore!” She turned and pressed her lips to Emma’s cheek. “I okay momma! Li will pwotect me until Papa takes the darkness away.” 

 

Pulling away, Harper crawled out of her lap and over her brother to get back into her seat. Emma shook her head. Four-year-olds, they made no sense. Looking around, the arena was now pitch black and all of the fans in their seats. Her heart beat frantically, her legs bouncing in anticipation. Next to her, it seemed Liam was having the same reaction. He’d been looking forward to this all day. 

 

Her gaze found the stage once more and she couldn’t help the grin that took over her features. It had been over ten years since she’d seen her boys perform and now she got to see them again with her children. She couldn’t wait to see the looks on Liam and Harper’s faces as they watched their father perform the songs he sung to them every night. This was all she could have ever asked for when Killian agreed to do this, all she could have ever wanted.  

 

Over the speaker, a single riff of a guitar sounded. It was one she knew well, one she heard coming from her own living room often. 

 

Her hands came up to form a ‘o’ around her mouth as she screamed in excitement, her legs bouncing on the floor. She watched as Robin took the stage. Looking over, she laughed as she took in Harper and Liam’s dropped jaws, their features full of awe and amazement. Next Smee came on waving to the crowd as the roared, he was followed closely by Will. Suddenly, the crowd got silent. Emma stood quickly, her eyes darting from one side of the stage to the other. 

 

Then, he was there. The love of her life, her husband, her happy ending. Killian Jones had taken the stage as if he’d never left it. 

 

Around her the crowd went wild once more, beside her Liam and Harper stood on their chairs with their arms in the air. 

 

It was perfect. 

* * *

The energy in the arena was incredible, it was exhilarating, it was infectious. From the moment he’d stepped out onto the stage the crowd had not stopped screaming, had not stopped shouting ‘Jones’ over and over. He may not be able to see the them well, but he could hear the pounding of their feet on the floor and it made his chest expand in satisfaction. This had always been his favorite part of being in a band, the fans and their love for his music, for the songs that he had written.

 

His hand wrapped around the microphone and pulled it toward his lips again, the words coming to him as if he’d been doing this every day for the last eleven years. He made his way to the left side of the stage and crouched down, his eyes met those of a young fan. Winking in her direction, he sang the last chorus of the song a grin forming as the lass jumped up and down from excitement. 

 

Rising up, he returned to the center stage as Robin played the last notes of the song. His fingers tapped his own guitar lightly as he smiled out into the blackness of the arena. He shook his head gently. Bloody hell, he  _ had _ missed this. This… this was bloody marvelous. 

 

He stood there for a moment, the band silent behind him, before lifting his hands in the air. The crowd went wild and his smile widened even more. Slowly, he began to lower his hands and the crowd followed his lead until there was silence. 

 

“Oi!” He could feel the grate on the microphone as he spoke into it. “It feels bloody amazing to be back here on this stage in this arena where it all bloody started!” 

 

The crowd went wild again and he turned his head in Will’s direction, shaking it as he pointed into the darkness. 

 

“Do you see this Scarlett?” He turned back to the crowd. “It’s almost as if they are excited to see me!”

 

The crowd screamed in agreement until he heard Will’s voice through the amps. “Nah, mate. We both know they’re here to see me pretty face.”

 

Killian laughed and looked back out into the arena, the crowd once again chanting his last over and over. His hands rose in the air and they quickly quieted. “Irregardless of who you’re here to see, I would like to thank each and every one of you for attending this very special performance.” Pulling the microphone with him, he walked toward the right side of the stage. “It’s been eleven bloody years since I’ve been on a stage and because of you, I feel like I never left!” 

 

The crowd erupted once more, but it was a flash of gold in front of him the caught his attention. He would recognize that shade anywhere. But it couldn’t be, she was...  His eyes narrowed as he tried to decipher who was in front of him, but the darkness made it almost impossible to see. He stood, shaking his head for even considering it. It could be her, she was at home with the children. He made a step toward the center stage with the intention of introducing the the next song. 

 

“PAPA!” His head whipped to the side, his heart beating rapidly, as a voice, one that he heard every day, caught his attention. 

 

Harper. Harper was here, which meant...

 

His hand shook as he lifted the mic back to his lips. The crowd fell silent once more. “Light crew, if you would be so kind as to raise the house lights, seems I have some special guests this evening.”

 

The lights in the arena came on and the crowd came into view, his eyes widening as he took in the sight in front of him. As he took in the sight of his children, of Harper and Liam, standing in the front row and next to them was none other than his wife, his Emma. 

 

It felt like the air had been knocked from his chest. She was here.  _ They were here.  _ Harper stood on her chair, her tiny hands up in the air waving for his attention and he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his mouth. They had surprised him and it was everything he could have wanted. The crowd thankfully had remained silent throughout the exchange, no doubt wondering what the bloody hell was going on. 

 

His hand rose to wave back to his daughter as he spoke into the mic once more. “Apologies for the delay. Seems my wife has decided to surprise me by showing up here today with our children in tow.” His eyes met Emma’s as she stood next to Liam who was grinning as well. “Hello, love.” He winked in her direction and licked his lips. “Fancy seein you here.” 

 

Emma grinned, her cheeks going red as she waved back and the the fans erupted once more. “Oi! Hush you lot. I’d like to greet my children as well.” They quieted and he nodded in Liam’s direction. “Lad.” His eyes fell to Harper with another nod. “Little love, enjoy the show.” He winked and turned back to Emma.

 

She looked beautiful and for a moment he was speechless. He remembered his first shows, remembered stolen kisses, remembered late night study sessions on the bus, remembered her unwavering support in all that he did. His eyes caught hers and he placed his free hand over his heart, mouthing ‘I love you’ to her quickly. Her head tilted slightly, her hand rose to rest over her heart as she mouthed the words back to him.

 

With a nod, he turned back to the crowd and stuck his hand in the air. The lights lowered as if the crew knew he was ready to proceed. “Now, who’s ready to get this bloody show started?”

 

He turned to Robin as the volume in the arena rose. He jerked his head in Emma’s direction and Robin nodded in understanding. The notes to a song he wrote eleven years ago filled the room as he turned back toward fans. 

 

“This next song is about second chances, it is about fighting for those you love, it is about happy endings and I’d like to dedicate it to my wife. Emma, without you…” He paused, the words catching in his throat as he turned his gaze back in Emma’s direction. “Without you, I would be nothing. You’re my happy ending and everyday I spend with you reminds me that it was all worth it. All of it, my love.” 

 

His lips pressed into the mic once more, his eyes fell closed as he lost himself to the music, lost himself once more to the memories of writing this particular song, of reconnecting with Emma, of singing this to her at their second wedding. This was her song, this was his song, this was  _ their  _ song. 

 

His eyes opened to scan the darkness in front of him. A smirk formed as his skin tingled with the excitement of the crowd. 

 

“This one is called ‘Sometimes It Hurts.” He whispered the words into the mic. “Enjoy.”

 

Behind him, the band launched into the song and he spared in last glance in his family’s direction. Just knowing they were there has settled every bit of nervousness he’d had, not that he was surprised.

 

His family was everything to him. Emma was everything to him. That had been true eleven years ago and it was still true today. 

 

She was his future,  _ they  _ were his future and he would spend the rest of his life living that future out.

 

But first… he pressed the mic to his lips. His fingers strummed the guitar strings as the crowd began to scream the words they knew by heart. His tongue darted out to wet his lips.  

  
First, he had a show to perform. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I would love to know your thoughts, so please feel free to leave me a review.


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